Missing you is the emotional equivalent of an anxiety attack
I wake up expecting to see your face,
or hear your breathing.
I get out of my bed h o p i n g to find you in my k i t c h e n
or on my couch.
I steep my morning tea
for five minutes
because the tea was intended for y o u .
Who else would drink the microwaved-till-boiling tea with such joy?
I get dressed for my day
wearing matching socks because that’s how you like it -
they never stay that way though -
paying special attention to the bruises you’ve left on my c h e s t
You tell me t ha t they say “I ’ m y o u r s”
I think they say “ Y o u ’ r e a l l I w a n t,
Y o u ' re a l l I w i l l ever n e e d."
I often sit on my bed,
staring o f f into s p a c e,
thinking of your breath on my neck
and the u n steady t h u m p of your h ea rtb ea t in my ear
Your s m i l e is the north star in the dark skies of my brain
and it is all of the guidance I n e e d.
Longing for your a t t e n t i o n and your com pa ny seems to have become a daily activity.
This was written a few days ago.
I've always struggled with anxiety and depression, maong other things, and I've been able to manage it for the most part. But these last couple of weeks, it's been seemingly impossible. I wrote this while I was in the midst of all of that and I was trying my hardest to force my brain into some kind of structured focus. My brain nearly refused but I was able to stay in one frame of mind long enough to complete this; hence the entirely unorganized structure (or lack of?) in this poem.
I'm happy enough with it to give it to my girlfriend for our anniversary coming up in a couple of days.
It's not my best, but I am pretty proud of it.