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Depression Sessions,

Without making light of those trapped in the dark,
that setraline sentimentality exposed modern art.
Theres a cavity in the canvass,
despair and distress,
decayed daily until theres only just the crevasses left.
I digress,
your highness.
High times, crash down finesse.

What did you expect?

Now you're acting as if theres nothing left.
When in three days you’ll make the same mistake again.
Just to take the pain away.
Or so you say.

But you’re not depressed.
Stressed, maybe.
Tired,
jaded maybe,
but the lights not faded you just took the wrong road that day.

Now there’s no way of coming back.
You’re not cool for that, this isn’t a cul-de-sac.
You keep taking me back and I just relapse.
And collapse after the session,
ready for the sentence.

Repentance a breath away.
spoken word
#x
 Jan 2016 Melissa Joy Carlson
AFR
I can't remember the last time I chose who I was
I am always the girl everyone says I am
They called me sweet so I turned my hair to cotton candy
They told me I was innocent so I hid my body
They said I was understanding so I threw my thoughts in the trash
They whispered I was empathetic so I sent my feelings away
They called me cheery so I pinned the tips of my lips to my ears
They told me I was friendly so I decided to pretend I wasn't scared to say hi
They said I was fair so I made myself blind
They whispered I had changed so I felt myself crumble
They yelled at me what to be and when I wasn't perfect they started over
They ate my cotton candy
They ripped my clothes away
They dug my thoughts out of the trash
They called my feelings and brought them back
They tore my lips from my ears
They scared me into not wanting to say hi anymore
They gave me glasses
They stopped 'fixing' me
Now that they've stopped I don't know who I am
Am I still sweet, innocent, understanding, empathetic, cheery, friendly, and fair?
I don't know who I am now that they've stopped telling me
Maybe I'm nothing
Maybe I'm everything
I don't know what or who I am now
I need someone to tell me
I miss who I was pre-them
I miss who I was post-them
I don't know who I am
Who I'm supposed to be
or
My identity
I don't know what to do
It takes a thinking mind
And a willing heart,
To write it.
2016 is a joke
Been a hell already
I've lost too much
It's only been five days
But my goodness
What will the rest of the year
do to me?
Too much pain. Too much death. Too much rejection.
Dearly beloved,
You once asked me how deep my love is for you. I never answered.
You see.. I wasn't sure.. whether you would like what I say. I didn't want to overwhelm you with my reply.
I'm a possessive soul.
I can't share what is mine. You may call me selfish.
That's okay.
If being selfish means having you all to myself.. then yes I'm the most selfish person on this planet.
As for my answer, my love for you cannot be measured. It's unfathomable, boundless and unrestricted. There is no depth to my love for you. There is no end to it. Nothing will ever be able to suffice how much I adore you...
dear friend,
trying to participate
falling and failing epically
perks of being seemingly invisible
to the only one you see

don't want to wake up on your own
so you accept the love you think you deserve
put them first and now you know
this is how a wallflower grows

your friends they see it, live it, breathe it
smokey parties and poorly lit rooms
synthetic happiness, the only way to get by
fragile hopes and dreams

you know everyone and no one
watching their daily lives happen
but nobody stops it takes a second look
at your wilting petals and falling leaves

below average, psychos together
"welcome to the island of misfit toys"
somehow a place of belonging
and now in this moment, you feel infinite

love always,
Based on the book and movie
The battered woman
With beautiful skin
Used to be akin
To porcelain
China doll
Russian woman
Inside of another
Woman
Cracked
Chipping
Lips dripping with
Blood
Eyes averted
Shades of Blush
To hide the rush
Of blushing flesh
Bruising chest
Losing breath
Shattered spirit
From a craven coward
Who calls himself a man
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