My leg is a ****** to steel
But the craving is something too real
I’ll grip the blade in hand
So suffering will be my brand

The cold edge against my soft skin
Calls out to something dark within
The inexplicable need to cut
As my lip quivers and my eyes shut

My leg is no longer a ****** to steel
It stings but I truly get the appeal
Expressing the intensity
When heartstrings pull with tenacity

I wrap the wound in fabric lies
And fasten it with red stained ties
And no one will see the shame
Because they won’t know what to blame

To: You
From: Me

Open this letter when you feel like you have no more reason to stay alive~
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Hey! Cheer up! It's just a bad moment, a really bad one. I know you can pass through it and later on you'll see that it wasn't that bad. I do know because I also have those moments, when I just want to break down and let go everything. So I know that right now it is that bad, with all those negative thoughts inside your head, with all those voices screaming that you're in pain, that you're not needed, that you want to get away from all this. Don't do that, don't get away from it, don't let those voices get to you, it's not your time yet, you have a lot that you should fight for. You have a lot of reasons to keep going and I'm one of them as you're one for me. And remember, I'm here with you. You're not alone in this.
                                                 
       ­                                           Sara Leal
                                                           ­                                      24/01/18

I got beat
for getting a D
a nod for a C
an empty "good job" for a B
and a "that's what you should get
every day, all the time,
what do you want? A good job?"
for an A

I couldn't get your approval
After 6 years
I still can't get your approval

So I did something,
to get your attention

I drew blood.
In front of you.
You threw me another knife.
"Is it worth it?"
"Your begging for attention."
So I continued.
Until I passed out.

I woke up.
You screamed.
You slapped me.
You said that was useless.
You said I was mental.

I tried speaking up for myself.
You slapped me again.

No matter what I do.
I will never satisfy you.

The day I met you
That was the day I regret most
5 years of my life waiting on you like tables
You told me you loved me
And for a moment I thought it was true
But that was nothing more than empty promises and a game to you

I gave you a chance
And you took me for granted
You made me feel worthless
When I was the most lost
I was a mess
And you only kicked me back down
I let you win cause I thought that was right

I guess the truth hurts
But what you did was much worse
You lefts cuts on my heart like the ones on my wrists
But the place you hit most you on my lips

The only thing keeping me up at night is the thought of us
And the day I met you
Because if I could go back
I would most definitely walk away from you

i get it
i really do
when you tell me that it feels like
your mind is playing tricks on your heart
fumbling around with the fragile little strings
ruining the perfect harmony of the puppet show inside your mind
tangling the strings
talking away their ability to act our their designated parts
but the show must go on

i get it
i really do
when you say that your lungs are distracted
they cant focus on their jobs and just let you breathe
they stop pumping air at random times
like you used to forget to turn off the stove sometimes
when you were cooking him dinner late at night
and the smoke would full up the whole kitchen and the fire alarm would blare
but you would just swat the broom at the fire alarm on your ceiling until it shut down
youve got to stop neglecting dinner

i get it
i really do
when you say that youre fed up with it all
and you hate the world almost as much as you hate yourself
theres no point in living when youve given up
theres no way to heal when youve
reached the point of no return

i get it
i really do
because im there right now too
and i havent found the answer yet
i know that neither have you
so let me hold your hand while you hold mine
and we can sit in piles of snow while we let the feelings fall out

we can do it every day
until we decide to get up and build a snowman
or make angels with our bodies

for right now we can sit
and remember that we have each other
you can live for me and i can live for you

just until we crack the puzzle of living for ourselves