I was going to **** myself today, but my boyfriend called and he wanted to talk till we fell asleep

I was going to **** myself the next day, but I told my mom I'd come visit and I did

Then the next day came and I was going to **** myself but I went to church and they told me it was a sin

That Monday came around and I was going to **** myself, but the boy I nanny said "tie my shoes ana" and we made a plan to teach him how to tie his own shoes

I was going to **** myself after he learned to tie his shoes, but then he needed help with reading, and then maths

I was going to **** myself today, but I just realized the excuses I make are the reasons I don't.

i get it
i really do
when you tell me that it feels like
your mind is playing tricks on your heart
fumbling around with the fragile little strings
ruining the perfect harmony of the puppet show inside your mind
tangling the strings
talking away their ability to act our their designated parts
but the show must go on

i get it
i really do
when you say that your lungs are distracted
they cant focus on their jobs and just let you breathe
they stop pumping air at random times
like you used to forget to turn off the stove sometimes
when you were cooking him dinner late at night
and the smoke would full up the whole kitchen and the fire alarm would blare
but you would just swat the broom at the fire alarm on your ceiling until it shut down
youve got to stop neglecting dinner

i get it
i really do
when you say that youre fed up with it all
and you hate the world almost as much as you hate yourself
theres no point in living when youve given up
theres no way to heal when youve
reached the point of no return

i get it
i really do
because im there right now too
and i havent found the answer yet
i know that neither have you
so let me hold your hand while you hold mine
and we can sit in piles of snow while we let the feelings fall out

we can do it every day
until we decide to get up and build a snowman
or make angels with our bodies

for right now we can sit
and remember that we have each other
you can live for me and i can live for you

just until we crack the puzzle of living for ourselves

world wonders
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billion people
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