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Jan 2022 · 836
my reality
Lama Jan 2022
I learnt to welcome the future
eagerly
but not expect anything
as reality isn’t a fantasy
but fantasies could be
the reality I see
Nov 2021 · 1.5k
seclusion
Lama Nov 2021
stumbled upon your hideaway
an unexpected intrusion,
sunken heart I swallowed
hallucinating your shadow,

bluntly dismissing my worries
as my eyes fondly sought
a heaven within your cheeks,

softly blushing underneath
your eyes treasured me
oh, naive little me,

put a foot aside, darling,
undone love awaits outside,
fantasies blinded your soul
while I stood, earnestly
yearning to own your heart
Aug 2021 · 704
I lost you too early
Lama Aug 2021
there was so much I wanted to know about you
so much I wanted to hear from you
so much I wanted to discover with you
and so much love I wanted to give you

but timing wasn’t quite the helper
it destroyed the grounds we made

if I loved you a little lesser
maybe you’d have stayed

to overcome my bitter
I begged for your image to fade

and hating you wasn’t simple
since loving you opened my cage

I know you feel it too
so open my violet letter
and even though we won’t be together
it was sincere what we lived through
Jun 2021 · 160
child of the dark
Lama Jun 2021
you left me dealing with a mess you caused
twenty something reached the peak
your excuses may have not made sense
I understood each word I did not hear

what we will have may not seem ideal
because you stormed off one day
how could anything be
like you used to see
intertwined with new nightmares
I forgot how it used to be

I would like to remember it nicely
but the shadows prison me rightfully
I made a pact with the dark
if my heart is ever leaning
towards what once hurt me
lived within me to love me
then went discarding me
then I would not know peace

take all of me politely
and let the ghosts who knew her
feast on me
indefinitely
Jun 2021 · 154
kids in love
Lama Jun 2021
we were young
we had little time, boy
meeting through windows
showing me your new toy
I thought it was cool
did I tell you that?

I told you to come over
after the sun sets
you knocked on my door
fireworks filled the bag you held

we snuck to the rooftop
we sparked up the sky
I knew I loved you then
I wish I told you that

every week we go see the animals
you tell me facts I have heard before
you grab my hand to get snacks
and we walk until our feet get sore

I remember hanging out in your room
colorful was your floor extruding gloom
we were playing and sipping juice
the taste of it in my mouth froze

we had so many memories
I’m not sure if you still remember me
I would never trade anything we had
I wish you were here to tell you that
May 2021 · 134
beautiful mess
Lama May 2021
sitting in that corner again
when I opened my heart to you
asking you to be my one and only
how gracious must I have thought of you
you said you were waiting for this moment
you said you were yearning for months
how stupid must I have felt
to be clueless of your love
now I don’t even know
if your love was true to me
I was trapped, compelled and owned
but you were nice to me
I needed to run from a chaos at home
your shelter gave me what I sought
for a moment I thought you saved me
but you dragged me into another mess
I didn’t get to feel your touch
but your fleeing hurt as much
when I thought it’d take another month
for us to meet and feel ourselves
maybe it was for the good
for us to have never met
yet you left me a beautiful mess
May 2021 · 276
shell of a human
Lama May 2021
fatefully inclined
clinically parched
of receiving love
deceptively lied
to protect my heart
logically engraved
emotions to blame
my darkened eyes
when losing sight
how could I
mend my spine
for a soul
that’s not mine
Apr 2021 · 243
life is yours
Lama Apr 2021
if anything, it will make you ill
to dream of recurring realities.
incapable of sleeping,
you wished for immortality.
beating up a damaged seeker
to detain a remorseful show,
but the golden chains
will only make the past
an elegant foe.
nested with tears on your palm,
enough to irrigate unheard roads.
stepped on with nowhere to be,
reluctant futures you sought.
but if anything, you will float with pride
carrying an unborn love, seas ahead.
if heart is a white feathered kite,
then life is yours, marvelous kid.
Mar 2021 · 119
call me yours
Lama Mar 2021
we were too similar
we lost ourselves
pulling my feet down
a lost leaf burrowed
silent interactions
strangers’ tunes
taught us love
even fires swooned
what was lost in october
came back gently in march

full moons
blossomed fears
started a fight
to make you mine
do my eyes remind you
of pearls you kept as a kid
does my laugh ring in your head
sowing memories to come alive
ripe those words you steal me by
call me yours even if you can’t
Mar 2021 · 151
another daydream
Lama Mar 2021
I woke up alone in my bed
welcoming the air to cave in
creating a melody as I breathe out
making the rays dance around my room

then my heart took another beat
and the walls were tuned in
like a crowd clueless about the show

stories beneath me, my feet stepped on
memories reviving from floor’s glory
an ancient soul could have sworn
I was the first to feel this lonely

life surrendered as I whispered
agony to push my soul up
from a surface of forged memories
resisting reality to keep me numb

for once, I was able to feel the sky
lifting my tanned fingers to wrap the clouds
a bird rested on my branch to ask
“how does it feel to wander bewildered,
  wrecking the future and sleeping wounded,
  reaching the sky to neglect the ground’s fight?
  I will get you down for one more chance
  but remember, it will be you leading the way.
  it has been a pleasure meeting you,
  I will read a story to wake you.”
Feb 2021 · 76
the dead
Lama Feb 2021
I write for the dead
whom I keep alive
long live the dead of the night
standing in my memory to keep it alive

I wail for the dead
devoted tears mended my spine
voices inside my head
conducted my fall

I lied to the dead
their graves haunted my grounds
faked my death to escape
but my soul got stolen in chains

let the dead live within
soon they will gnaw
at the deepest roots
until the soul cave in
howling of sorrow
longing for a rescue
but the body reeks
bleak and shallow
emptiness then
for infinite days
Feb 2021 · 153
fatality
Lama Feb 2021
the sound of nothingness
soothing my brain
from missed calls
buried under my pillow

a burning candle
smothering the roof
but my throat choked on
words that never made my note

I slept away my hopelessness
praying the rain would wash it away
the thunder woken a light within me
my desires stormed like a clenched beast

I never intended to harm you
if I could change the past
I would never run away from you
alas, self. I was too cruel for you to last
Feb 2021 · 260
loneliness-led
Lama Feb 2021
in a room full of people
my heart lingers of loneliness
as the shadows of my fingers
turn into one soulless silhouette.

intertwisted skin solaced in warmth
dreading my own happiness
like a painted smile
with all of my pain
underneath it
a southed yearn dying north
urged to lead the madness.
Jan 2021 · 125
from lovers to strangers
Lama Jan 2021
I miss you when you were a stranger
just a thought in someone’s brain
you captivated me faster than a beetle
a sweet memory keeping me sane

but even before the fourth night
I knew our ground wasn’t stable
I cried in a gray colored corner
reading stories about a dead woman

I didn’t realize the pain that I created
blurry in my head were your words
to sweep you out wasn’t the hardest
but to think it was all to fill a dark void

I walk empty handed again
it’s a familiar feeling yet I loath it
my fingers braided you with poems
now I unknot us from a virulent lane

now I am a stranger breathing fire
within your lungs I ash the moments
of your lies my kind heart was tired
pillows we dreamt on left us in torment
Dec 2020 · 77
you never stayed
Lama Dec 2020
all i know is
I’m never wrong
about you
my pristine dream
absent fires tell a story
of a flooded land
merged with nicotine
is how I would like to flee

tell my story like
you could no longer speak
split my violet letter
into two thick parts
each of them to hold
your tears that filled up carts

it’s not like I don’t miss you
I just didn’t think this would be
such a chaotic lane
but I’ll shout your name
one last time standing
on the trembling cliff

like the state of my life
where my ground was tamed
and I was within your story
but you ran out of ink
and never stayed
Dec 2020 · 597
21
Lama Dec 2020
21
I was only four
A chaser for dreams
I held my colored fist
Pacing to find the scenes

Since I was eight
I started losing friends
Crying on playgrounds
Burying my head in the sand

Twelve years have passed
Silenced by women at decks
Obey or lose your badge, miss
Says the man who swallows pills

When I was fourteen
I got lost in worthless daydreams
Sharp razors looked so serene
Petrifying my mortal craze

I thought when I turn eighteen
I could magically reappear
The hallways were soundless
But the sirens woken my mistakes

Now i’m twenty one of age
Living on an empty land
I fluster my body inside a cage
I smoke to wean my soul’s pride

Will I live past this age?
I replenish with rage
Years pass and nothing change
Who knows if today’s my last day
Nov 2020 · 71
Kindred spirits
Lama Nov 2020
I will tell you where to put me
Near the rivers and snowflakes
In my dream I visited Berlin
It was hot, but cold was your bouquet

I take pleasure in winning
But for you I’d willingly fail
I’d sink to kiss your feet
Our love is the only winner
Racing hearts wouldn’t skip a beat

In memorialization we fade
In and out of lust again
Petal cheeks and moon eyes
My hands I flukily baked
Along with flour and paint
I was inside you within a bite
Nov 2020 · 62
My past
Lama Nov 2020
Numbing in my ears
Sensations around my eyes
Unable to forget the past
Eager to meet tomorrow
When yesterday’s pain
Bottled up over today’s
How easy is the present
When you don’t meddle
With the future’s consent
Eventually, your soul is settled
To find solace and pleasure
Breathable air you retain
For months, then half the weeks
Your own grip deftly lingered
It had enough woes to swell
And now you body is portraying
A life of a woman who’s a man
Yet hardly to carry children
Or grow a mustache
Oct 2020 · 76
never changing
Lama Oct 2020
I never changed
I never will
I never caved
My baring quill
I never laid
A finger on the ill
And I will continue to bathe
Washing my fears out of their cells

Hope’s a fairytale
A figment of reality
Contempt for the pale
Quests conclude in mortality

Ruthlessly honest my life I lead
But for my emotions I selfishly conceal
My battles under the ground like seeds
Growing awry my desire to feel
Oct 2020 · 53
anxiety
Lama Oct 2020
birthed together we were
inside one womb
sharing the same wounds
and when I first saw light
I held on to you tight
thought you were my rescue
all my fears were fed to you
overwhelmingly defeated
a burden cautiously created
in the mornings I’m rigidly breathing
when the sun is out I’m bleeding
cuddled all my sorrow in the cabin
I yielded but you’re still in a famine
you’re draining me friend, let me sleep
I will wake you tomorrow
when my terrors lurk again
Oct 2020 · 47
the broken ones
Lama Oct 2020
tears scratching my face
I turned 60, in two decades
nobody by my side, I’m limping
a moth surviving amongst butterflies
my life is nothing but polished lies
a child stabbing the mother’s womb
regretting the day they shared a tune
but she left her flowers in home
to die, whilst she got lost in rome
then she recalled her flowers are parched
the water is out and the walls are hatched
dry clouds did not rain for 6 months
they screamed for help to make thuds
amend the broken ones! split their pain
to bloom and grow without fears again
Oct 2020 · 65
an ending
Lama Oct 2020
I confused on a gracious land
confronting my demons
how can I keep having a light
when the sparks refuse to hold my hand

the love of my life left me
like an abandoned tear
a blind eye cannot see
but it can dim a heart that is dear

I never lied, dearest
it was you I wanted forever
never enough for you, I’m fleeting
I hope I stay alive until december

untreated wound my soul is
reaching, for something pure
I wrote your words on my wrist
to the furthest grave I drove
Sep 2020 · 56
deceptive dream
Lama Sep 2020
***** socks, wet feet
empty white box
mothers dance in beat
flags cover the rocks
a legacy, an old man seek
my love for you, a hoax
my trembled body is mocked
on a soaked towel to smear

but my eyes shine
through your mind
a reckless shrine
above the tide
hold me tight
my faithless light
Sep 2020 · 51
my little seed
Lama Sep 2020
though I fell, you’re still awake
reminiscing the past, full on rage
kiss me harder, faceless dream
wings of sorrow, emerald gaze
hopelessness in the shadow of fame
growing astray, my lonely seed
you’re inside me, I’m in a daze
I look beside me, you wash your face
my fingertips dance around your lips
I feel you near, can’t escape like a fish
I drowned alive between your hips
tasted heaven, sinners to polish
Sep 2020 · 44
a dove above your stomach
Lama Sep 2020
your love
made me cry
like a bitten child
dwelling in blood, a mournful sigh.
child awaken like a butterfly
forgot the pain
eyes closed, reminiscing a garden
yellow leaves sung to testify.
who caged my tender heart
made a monster between dancing bars,
in the eve of my lurking to the stars
I made a pact to make an allusive art.
a memory of us down the river
asking the moon to kiss the widow,
and open doors to lead a purple rush
like a dove, I lay above your stomach in quivers
Aug 2020 · 41
lost lover
Lama Aug 2020
I dread the hours,
my world’s away.
as if living,
was a mistake.
never want to recall
another soul’s repression.
plunging words,
thud my grounds.
seeking whoever found
the arches and pillars.
then I, became a lover
and nearly a killer.
resemblance of a flower
my world is, parched.
of a steel gray mud
our essences rose,
sparkly white hearts led
innocents to a mighty road.
an albatross, sunken down
your heart’s a ship
and I, steadily sailing
don’t you ever frown.
Jul 2020 · 72
overlooked angel
Lama Jul 2020
am I cursed or did my flaws blind me
for souls I showed my sacred heart
like falcons their claws haunt thee
love once cherished in a lavender yard

imagine the moon abandons the night
no light for thy lost shadow to walk by
nor the smoke of the chimneys at sight
the dimness within one’s flesh got to die

this girl grew up fearing love
she stayed silent to absorb
until she got soft like a dove
love made thy old soul distort
born in winter she wore one glove
her soul a ****** crystalline ignored
four minutes before her final rove
she made a promise to explode
Jun 2020 · 92
little endeavors
Lama Jun 2020
little star around a house
surrounded by silver flowers

nightgown selflessly arouse
to greet moon in the drawer

hey there little lady, will you bow?
I hid pain with thy fierce power

thank the heavens I never drowned
gentle feet obscure sand a slight dour

tears full of stories books could douse
guidance awaits in demolished towers
Jun 2020 · 169
two pearls
Lama Jun 2020
two pearls
agreed to keep apart
to glow in silence
outgrow the smart

two pearls
she and I
miles away
I can feel her heart sigh

two pearls
swim in my eyes
dance in the air of love
I will make you a golden kite

two pearls
will you be mine?
I will let you shine
for you I would break my spine
May 2020 · 118
rebellious nights
Lama May 2020
violence on the streets
the man is begging to breathe

cut the last shred of hope
rioters walking on lonely bones

fire on their hearts
pain filled the carts

no place to escape
hell with the fool babbling hearsay

their feet stay where the innocents bleed
violent sounds made the city sweep

with rebellion comes what may
ancient wounds won’t obey
justice for George Floyd!!!!
May 2020 · 68
outrage
Lama May 2020
I will not rest
until justice is served
but head left trembling
unsettled like a caterpillar
soon to be a butterfly
on a mighty burnt leaf
must the colors weave
the tremendous pain
heart pretended to sleep
for when the eyes close
mind is at peace
echos of emptiness
to everything that bleeds
lonely red soldier
unmask the alleged power
strip the garrulous walls
amaze the unhinged coward
squeeze the lemon
when moon deflowers
my soul will be waiting
on the edge of fanatic tower
catching ceaseless fires
drain my heavy heart
stitch it with barbed wire
May 2020 · 79
kiss me
Lama May 2020
‪please kiss me before I disintegrate into fixed stardust on your roof, even then I will be forever watching over you‬
May 2020 · 60
malicious tender
Lama May 2020
evade the sun..
my lustrous moon,
exotic!
my feelings, crude
melancholic..
I breathe a tune,
of manic!
my sun..
oh, so tragic!
tell me, moon
is loving such cruel
to jeopardize
a soul, so pure?
Apr 2020 · 59
child of the sea
Lama Apr 2020
I lost a piece of my heart
when the world fell apart
a melody in your eyes
sang me to drown
sniffing the sand
your hands drew a line
a spot for me to dance
a white dress fluttering
to my wounded body, it collapsed
cover me darling
cover me with water and sand
arise, the creatures of the sea
to my death they would flee
leaving their homes to set me free
I am a child of my own destiny
my mother soundlessly left me
and my father pretends he loves me
Apr 2020 · 68
the night
Lama Apr 2020
night
when the day’s sun kisses us goodbye
the moon
shinier than all the bumblebees in my yard
I confide
in the stars, to them I wished to fly
flowers
in my room, to death they fought
papers
escaped to hide my pain, dimness is near
words
they dance, feet bleed until dawn
poems
they utter a powerful light
mouth
sealed off until death tear the soul apart
eternity
is a wisecrack
but the night
is enchanting
even my words
failed to describe
Apr 2020 · 95
lessons
Lama Apr 2020
as the wind blows
my thoughts begin to bleed
sharp words reflect what’s within
a stripped down body mirroring a freak
few moons ago I learned to breathe
the air was heavy it restored my pain
but that’s okay
lessons are learned the hard way
Apr 2020 · 106
us, a heartbroken fuss
Lama Apr 2020
twirling around a veil of sadness
questions asked and answers fathom
your soul, dead, on a mattress
tell me, is it worth it
to unravel the darkness?

light on the sea but no one could see
a mystery you are, my love
I’m solving you, I wept on my knees
maybe if I touch you
I can make your pain disappear
but no, you asked me to back away
I understand, dove
let your wings set you free
happy poetry month, friends! :)
Mar 2020 · 73
greeds fate
Lama Mar 2020
and then we won and they have lost
and then we sang and they went to cry
life has been cruel but not for now
the enemy’s gone so let’s just dance
pockets emptied out
guns handed down
and a golden key
belonged to the queen
the queen is dead
it’s ours now
lock the dead
the selfish ones
let them stink
til the morning comes
let them taste
the gold they owned
unravel their minds
twisted in the night
burn that candle
our blood will purify
Mar 2020 · 82
my story
Lama Mar 2020
this is my story with love
full of suffocating curtains
for when the night is dim
my voice turns to embers

twisty smokey riddles
hidden shameful sinners
hearsay, life is blooming
I wonder, why is it gloomy?

the nights are lonely
and so are my stories
narrating a forged glory
my tears became holy

I for once, can breathe
picked up a radiant peach
golden taste shoved my teeth
poisonous fate, couldn’t breathe

illusionist perishing stars
feeble the sky is without light
watery eyes revive beyond
for a broken heart underneath

love is within deep waters
but I got no sea
no hands or feet
only a story to daydream
Feb 2020 · 141
losing you
Lama Feb 2020
for you I’d wait
everyday, my darkest haze
and for you, I’d sway
I’d dodge the loudest fate
I would forever sing
songs for you and I

feet stumbled creating melodies
hands injured writing stories
but nothing ever made you stay
so I’d dance, for me and I
Feb 2020 · 91
separation
Lama Feb 2020
maybe the reason I am here
is the reason I weep,
silent all these nights
like an owl bleeding white,
sorrow it reeks
peace it seeks,
white is the color of my mother
telling me I selfishly brag with honor,
I sailed through the stars
to find a place on mars,
dug a grave miles away
to let my soul solely sway,
maybe I don’t need a guardian
since I find enjoyment in hiding.
Feb 2020 · 57
dreamer
Lama Feb 2020
I was born to be a dreamer..
but the pain conflicted my hope
to tear up for the sake of love,
how deliberating to smile for the passion
that my dreams slowly came dancing,
for my recovery agitating the pain
..in the mornings I am a sleeper
Feb 2020 · 78
the stranger
Lama Feb 2020
what happened is this stranger
objecting these cursed giggles
mellow words confined a hater
closed the door on similar figures

don’t go away stranger
protect the world I portray

you and I alone, stranger
fold my dreams to a night of possibilities

what shall I name you, stranger?
a protector of another stranger
or a gentle soul ceasing danger
whether I show you my real nature
or you agree to become the painter
of lost fantasies belonging to a teenager

life decided to unite us
you will ride the lonely bus
so I can look into your eyes
dream of a life where you’re mine
Feb 2020 · 62
the ask
Lama Feb 2020
I have asked
so many questions
that are unasked
and how could I
keep on living
without a mask

I have been asked
to spit awful lies
to shut my heart
follow a narrow line
never turn back
unimaginable art

I was told to ask
never listen to my mind
questions were planned
purity, never aligned
genuine curiosity
a knife to my body, banned
Jan 2020 · 69
that winter night
Lama Jan 2020
on a quiet wood
there she stood,
a bright wild one
mysteriously fun,
flickering in a cold night
leafs crumpled in fright,
birds shivering in nests
a man burying his fists,
the neighbor lit a fire
closed the shop after one buyer,
she wore silver and broke the rule
he told her to wear black or he’ll be cruel,
beaten up on the streets of green hope
cleaners washed her along with soap,
“can you hear me darling,
who is responsible for the bruise?”
she giggled with tears and said:
“a man, like millions of men.
you’ll never catch him,
but he threw his cigarette in the bin!”
puzzled eyes staring at a victim
will they get an answer from the mistress?
Jan 2020 · 80
coldness of intellect
Lama Jan 2020
how’d you survive
I only see black and white
no recreation could save us
nor the shiny dots in the sky
hear me angels once I commit
a crime in the name of prejudice
then tie me up just like a bird
whose legs froze early on
spoke freely without a cage
escaped to fetch a tiny brain
feathery wings held it up
needn’t crack frozen spikes
took the lane to a warm fate
but the heat will sweat it out
take the brains to melt away
would you trade knowledge
and the freedom to fly upon clouds
for a precious mellow feeling
and a brainless state of mind
Jan 2020 · 61
to pain
Lama Jan 2020
as I stumble through my path
beneath the dazzling stars
radiant, unspeakable
holding a fist and an arch
whereas I, tangible
nor mistaken for the light
glorious whispers
my brain is a chaotic mass
crawled into the sky
heaven won’t let me pass
unless my soul inflames
therefore pain, arise
mischievously tremble
a triumph of agony
a master of mind
Dec 2019 · 148
dimness within
Lama Dec 2019
all those years, you were waiting
on your knees, a soldier surviving
waiting to pull me out of the dark
but darling, don’t cross the line
this is where I live, where I stand
the darkness is what I feast
I breathe fire and drink tears
a falcon, I haunt your dreams
a beetle, dressed in fear
sneaking into your ear
whispering riddles, sincerely
to my soldier, to my dear
to my lover, to my queen
to my prince, to my hawk
you’re the curse that I caught
Dec 2019 · 94
the peculiar woman
Lama Dec 2019
long dark and mysterious
her black hair, red cheeks
a soul that is furious
asleep in the morning
awake at night
wrapped up her emotions
with drowsy stars
open the holy gate
her mind is a witty crown
her heart is an unshakable gown
a moon among luminous eyes
a joy she induces
a sorrow she endures
her castle is full of tricks
no one escapes, unless she tells
short bright and visible
will you hold my hand, invincible?
Dec 2019 · 212
a fantasy....or not
Lama Dec 2019
love, is it real?
or is it just something that radiates
reflections of crystals
on romanticized chandeliers

I’m roughly drinking
keeping a mind clear
is it possible to have someone
to lock your heart within
keeping it safe, a sheer sincere

I have dreamed of million eyes
but mine only landed on one
one that my soul’s draining to collect
are you real, my dearly one?
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