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Lama Dec 2020
I was only four
A chaser for dreams
I held my colored fist
Pacing to find the scenes

Since I was eight
I started losing friends
Crying on playgrounds
Burying my head in the sand

Twelve years have passed
Silenced by women at decks
Obey or lose your badge, miss
Says the man who swallows pills

When I was fourteen
I got lost in worthless daydreams
Sharp razors looked so serene
Petrifying my mortal craze

I thought when I turn eighteen
I could magically reappear
The hallways were soundless
But the sirens woken my mistakes

Now i’m twenty one of age
Living on an empty land
I fluster my body inside a cage
I smoke to wean my soul’s pride

Will I live past this age?
I replenish with rage
Years pass and nothing change
Who knows if today’s my last day
Lama Jul 2019
you get lost in a person
the obsession is real
and you’re nervous

the numbness
of your feet on the ground
is exposing
all the fun you had in your mind

a fire is burning within you
it’s time to consume or sweep
the ashes rapidly falling upon you

you’re getting burned otherwise
you’re the one to decide
how to hold the pain
that is your broken heart
Lama Sep 2020
your love
made me cry
like a bitten child
dwelling in blood, a mournful sigh.
child awaken like a butterfly
forgot the pain
eyes closed, reminiscing a garden
yellow leaves sung to testify.
who caged my tender heart
made a monster between dancing bars,
in the eve of my lurking to the stars
I made a pact to make an allusive art.
a memory of us down the river
asking the moon to kiss the widow,
and open doors to lead a purple rush
like a dove, I lay above your stomach in quivers
Lama Dec 2019
‪I used to be a lucky star‬
‪the moon drowses‬
‪as my wings burn‬

‪lustrous soul crumbled far‬
‪hey there moon, arises ‬
‪when embers rake, I yearn ‬
Lama Dec 2019
love, is it real?
or is it just something that radiates
reflections of crystals
on romanticized chandeliers

I’m roughly drinking
keeping a mind clear
is it possible to have someone
to lock your heart within
keeping it safe, a sheer sincere

I have dreamed of million eyes
but mine only landed on one
one that my soul’s draining to collect
are you real, my dearly one?
Lama Nov 2019
I want you to make me feel better
I want you by my side forever
I want you around me like a medal
shiner than all that I can offer
your touch turns my cold heart hotter
than every summer I spent under water
what is it about you that make me scatter
like ashes on your doorway I was a letter
your love felt like a spell casted to pressure
it made my heart stop before my mother
the warmth is fading cover me with leather
can you hear me I’m hidden like a treasure
I left before we dance and dress proper
farewells sweetness hold on to my sweater
Lama Aug 2019
ease off for your own sake
loosen up those old scars
replace them with new smiles
you’re too young to be breathless
I ask you why you are
frightened from shadows that are faceless
you answer how you are
building up walls
around a soul that is faithless
but I hug you tight
putting my hand facing yours
like we’re one dot fell into connectedness
a forever of soft touches of tenderness
I love you beyond endlessness
trust me I will always be here
for always by your side until soil cover us
then we will forget all the wounds
that made you crawl until you were found
I found you pale and bloodless
all alone in the woods
I shed a golden tear
because I was you
and you were me
we were separated by fear
neither one of us went to nowhere
we were always bounded by despair
we touched the surface and forces exploded
we were left up to the blueish violet sky
my soul disintegrated
your body was divided apart
here we are again standing as one
Lama Jul 2019
alone in summer and winter
alone in the eve of your disappearance
alone all my life i have been
until i died

the loneliness of the cold breeze of winter
made me freeze to death
but i was made alive in your presence
alive all my life i have been
until i die next to you in the warmth of summer
Lama Oct 2020
I confused on a gracious land
confronting my demons
how can I keep having a light
when the sparks refuse to hold my hand

the love of my life left me
like an abandoned tear
a blind eye cannot see
but it can dim a heart that is dear

I never lied, dearest
it was you I wanted forever
never enough for you, I’m fleeting
I hope I stay alive until december

untreated wound my soul is
reaching, for something pure
I wrote your words on my wrist
to the furthest grave I drove
Lama Mar 2021
I woke up alone in my bed
welcoming the air to cave in
creating a melody as I breathe out
making the rays dance around my room

then my heart took another beat
and the walls were tuned in
like a crowd clueless about the show

stories beneath me, my feet stepped on
memories reviving from floor’s glory
an ancient soul could have sworn
I was the first to feel this lonely

life surrendered as I whispered
agony to push my soul up
from a surface of forged memories
resisting reality to keep me numb

for once, I was able to feel the sky
lifting my tanned fingers to wrap the clouds
a bird rested on my branch to ask
“how does it feel to wander bewildered,
  wrecking the future and sleeping wounded,
  reaching the sky to neglect the ground’s fight?
  I will get you down for one more chance
  but remember, it will be you leading the way.
  it has been a pleasure meeting you,
  I will read a story to wake you.”
Lama Oct 2020
birthed together we were
inside one womb
sharing the same wounds
and when I first saw light
I held on to you tight
thought you were my rescue
all my fears were fed to you
overwhelmingly defeated
a burden cautiously created
in the mornings I’m rigidly breathing
when the sun is out I’m bleeding
cuddled all my sorrow in the cabin
I yielded but you’re still in a famine
you’re draining me friend, let me sleep
I will wake you tomorrow
when my terrors lurk again
Lama Jun 2019
‪i want to feel something real‬
all my dreams have settled
to change the way
i used to breathe
yes, i’m lonely
drinking my unused feelings away
i love so intensely
but nowhere i can put
them romances out of scene
excluding real emotions i feel
is real hard when my life
rejects every heart i keen to feel
i am the reason why i walk in despair
a scared teenager told how to breathe
in a way that‪ rivaled‬ inside of me
making me a used object to teach
how to love
when nothing is acceptable to feel
Lama Aug 2019
am i asking for too much
all i need is a hug
and a shoulder to lay my tears on

am i asking for too much
i opened my heart to vulnerability
and the pain started to play with me

am i asking for too much
i’m sick of hiding
i wanna shine

am i asking for too much
all i need is a little helping
to make my stars bright again

so tell me, am i asking for too much?
Lama Jun 2019
when everybody knows your name
yet, you are nowhere to be in shame
about the story
when you and the devil meet
in a strange spot to steal the keys
of a graceful kingdom
no soul’s willing to leave

but when that revealing morning came
it woke you up to a noisy day
then your eyes and the gleamy light,
coincided; making the power embrace
to expose the giggly masquerades
in their no longer hidden space

the screams of manipulative souls
and their vile ways of telling lies
they no longer can destroy the night
nor the lovers in sunlight
nor the skin on skin delight
nor the sincere feeling of excite

no genuine soul can hear the ache
as if the pain is a muffled joke to fake
no sign of suffering my child can see
like if the mockery made the dead
drag the fools to be fed
by their ceaseless lies ahead
Lama May 2021
sitting in that corner again
when I opened my heart to you
asking you to be my one and only
how gracious must I have thought of you
you said you were waiting for this moment
you said you were yearning for months
how stupid must I have felt
to be clueless of your love
now I don’t even know
if your love was true to me
I was trapped, compelled and owned
but you were nice to me
I needed to run from a chaos at home
your shelter gave me what I sought
for a moment I thought you saved me
but you dragged me into another mess
I didn’t get to feel your touch
but your fleeing hurt as much
when I thought it’d take another month
for us to meet and feel ourselves
maybe it was for the good
for us to have never met
yet you left me a beautiful mess
Lama Nov 2019
“are we gonna be okay?”
I heard the man in gray say
sorrowful blue eyes
high cheekbones cut the night
body turned black
as if the fire seemed to crack

“just hold my hand, forget the day”
while blood covers the bay
lonely brown eyes
rosy cheeks illuminate the night
body turned white
as if the air needed another bite
Lama Nov 2019
I hate that I have to choose
I hate how we are bound to break
all the nights we traveled the world
we arouse before the sun would escape
eventually our lost hearts found the light
young souls like rays of obscure dreams
gently sewed up the shores we made
assure my mind before the tides strike
and drown the bond that makes you mine
Lama Mar 2021
we were too similar
we lost ourselves
pulling my feet down
a lost leaf burrowed
silent interactions
strangers’ tunes
taught us love
even fires swooned
what was lost in october
came back gently in march

full moons
blossomed fears
started a fight
to make you mine
do my eyes remind you
of pearls you kept as a kid
does my laugh ring in your head
sowing memories to come alive
ripe those words you steal me by
call me yours even if you can’t
Lama Nov 2019
speak me into your existence
I yet have to learn to listen
carefully tracing every distance
slowly entering your prison
you spoke me
and I lived
you forgot me
and I slipped
Lama Aug 2019
the passion exploded and i was created
i was hardly pulled and separated
from a womb that belonged to a woman
that later i called her mother
a nervously standing man
in a corner full of cans
biting his nails thinking of a way to ban
my hopeful dreams that i was being fed
by shining stars while i was little in bed
i dreamt about having a role
to end hunger and hug the lonely souls
i dreamt about changing lives
and mend all the broken hearts
but as soon as my feet hit the ground
i was lost and completely stripped
of all the reasons to be happy
the reasons to stay sane and steady
each year passes and i gain tiny drops
drops of tearful agonies but somehow
i saw an edge of the brightest mountain
waiting for me to open the curtains
let the hopeful rays light the gloomy room
and burn those who said you can’t bloom
Lama Jun 2021
you left me dealing with a mess you caused
twenty something reached the peak
your excuses may have not made sense
I understood each word I did not hear

what we will have may not seem ideal
because you stormed off one day
how could anything be
like you used to see
intertwined with new nightmares
I forgot how it used to be

I would like to remember it nicely
but the shadows prison me rightfully
I made a pact with the dark
if my heart is ever leaning
towards what once hurt me
lived within me to love me
then went discarding me
then I would not know peace

take all of me politely
and let the ghosts who knew her
feast on me
Lama Apr 2020
I lost a piece of my heart
when the world fell apart
a melody in your eyes
sang me to drown
sniffing the sand
your hands drew a line
a spot for me to dance
a white dress fluttering
to my wounded body, it collapsed
cover me darling
cover me with water and sand
arise, the creatures of the sea
to my death they would flee
leaving their homes to set me free
I am a child of my own destiny
my mother soundlessly left me
and my father pretends he loves me
Lama Jan 2020
how’d you survive
I only see black and white
no recreation could save us
nor the shiny dots in the sky
hear me angels once I commit
a crime in the name of prejudice
then tie me up just like a bird
whose legs froze early on
spoke freely without a cage
escaped to fetch a tiny brain
feathery wings held it up
needn’t crack frozen spikes
took the lane to a warm fate
but the heat will sweat it out
take the brains to melt away
would you trade knowledge
and the freedom to fly upon clouds
for a precious mellow feeling
and a brainless state of mind
Lama Apr 2019
you gave me something i couldn’t refuse
but i hate it, it’s sickening me
it’s your love that i didn’t ask for
and you keep crawling into me
i’m tied in a place called love
i can’t seem to leave
attached to you, exposed to you
i was hiding now i’m fully seen
i always try to break the cage
you always find the path where i escape
are you blessed for having me?
or am i cursed for having you?
Lama Jan 2019
belittle me, my courageous mistake
emotions we felt for the wrong cause
captured in a blink of an eye by lies
our bodies that you abducted
and surrounded them by knives
shaped deep circles of manipulations
in the morning, you dive into wounds of pain
like silent statues we obey
warped in anguish and sorrow
fabricated masks we wore
hiding the faces that trusted a fool
what a shame of us we eased the road
puppets of your own creation we became
led by the outrage of shaky bruises
when birds went to sleep, i tried to escape
but i keep drowning in my misguided faiths
on you i had false beliefs
the exceeded hurting
and the mysterious objections
made me love you in a deadly manner
Lama Dec 2019
we run the miles like we’ve always knew
you came into my life like a fading blue
I gently put you down on a silky sea
I close your eyes and cry on my knees

where did our time go?
will we ever know?
memories of us
downhills fuss
Lama Sep 2020
***** socks, wet feet
empty white box
mothers dance in beat
flags cover the rocks
a legacy, an old man seek
my love for you, a hoax
my trembled body is mocked
on a soaked towel to smear

but my eyes shine
through your mind
a reckless shrine
above the tide
hold me tight
my faithless light
Lama Dec 2019
all those years, you were waiting
on your knees, a soldier surviving
waiting to pull me out of the dark
but darling, don’t cross the line
this is where I live, where I stand
the darkness is what I feast
I breathe fire and drink tears
a falcon, I haunt your dreams
a beetle, dressed in fear
sneaking into your ear
whispering riddles, sincerely
to my soldier, to my dear
to my lover, to my queen
to my prince, to my hawk
you’re the curse that I caught
Lama Aug 2019
i love loving you
i love the way you love me too
in sunset we welcome the shadows
we sneak to share love in a mad show

two bodies connected in heart and soul
painting a picture of two fools
fell in love too early and forgot to mourn
for their soon to be smoldering souls

they warned me before but i was on a cloud
they tried to reach me but i poured down
rainy lies assuming i finally figured it out

i have dug the hole
now it’s time for me to stay there in whole
hopeless romantics making mistakes
oh so bold
Lama Feb 2020
I was born to be a dreamer..
but the pain conflicted my hope
to tear up for the sake of love,
how deliberating to smile for the passion
that my dreams slowly came dancing,
for my recovery agitating the pain the mornings I am a sleeper
Lama Dec 2019
I will be out of here
when every good thing disappears
and you will be out with me
fighting darkness without fear
Lama Feb 2021
the sound of nothingness
soothing my brain
from missed calls
buried under my pillow

a burning candle
smothering the roof
but my throat choked on
words that never made my note

I slept away my hopelessness
praying the rain would wash it away
the thunder woken a light within me
my desires stormed like a clenched beast

I never intended to harm you
if I could change the past
I would never run away from you
alas, self. I was too cruel for you to last
Lama Jul 2019
the needing of comfort
shamefully filling up my skin
the hurt of survival
pridefully flying over my head

i need to **** the master
before my heart becomes an item
to the land of the dead we run faster
than the sun hits the *******

confronting the followers of a soul sucker
“no need to feel” they say after the ******
well, hell with it
**** me before i stop feeling

i am alive because of my feelings
Lama Aug 2019
hypocrites speak
and broken hearts seek
a love that will lean
into a forever of years
a forever of them, a forever of us

but what is forever if we don’t catch the sun
get the light in the suburbs of fun
and we will dance
above the grass

let me tell you one word that will last
in the ears of lovers that confide
in each other’s hearts
and to forever they may last
Lama Jan 2021
I miss you when you were a stranger
just a thought in someone’s brain
you captivated me faster than a beetle
a sweet memory keeping me sane

but even before the fourth night
I knew our ground wasn’t stable
I cried in a gray colored corner
reading stories about a dead woman

I didn’t realize the pain that I created
blurry in my head were your words
to sweep you out wasn’t the hardest
but to think it was all to fill a dark void

I walk empty handed again
it’s a familiar feeling yet I loath it
my fingers braided you with poems
now I unknot us from a virulent lane

now I am a stranger breathing fire
within your lungs I ash the moments
of your lies my kind heart was tired
pillows we dreamt on left us in torment
Lama Oct 2019
oh, they think I am crazy‬
‪yet I left pacing so shady‬
‪standing over the hill daily ‬
‪unvaried views, got me so lazy‬
‪gave up my soul to a blue daisy ‬
‪please take care of it baby ‬
‪do not abandon me so easily ‬
‪erasing my spot, while the sky is hazy ‬
Lama Nov 2019
I’d like to be a part of your story
but tell me, will you ever be sorry?
for all the pain you caused me
your aimless shadows still haunt me

I want to wake up not feeling lonely
I can’t welcome your body around me
you scar me
you love me
then run to call your army
to put me down on your bed of glory

you draw me like a fairy
you think I’m unwary
I’m chained up dripping sweet cherries

my blood is on your path
my soul will unpack
and all your secrets will find a way back
Lama Sep 2019
lusting for a love that lifts her up
to the skies
clearer than the sight of the water
in his glass

so many names to call him
she tried
but one time he called her darling
on grass

she kept the memories in a box
before she dies
but not long ago until we met
at the overpass

our eyes swiftly collided
in disguise
went home and dreamt of you
filling me with sass

your shape stuck in my mind
it’s crystallized
forever shining my love
you consumed my gas

call me the names you desire
I shall be hypnotized
when will we ever meet again
I wonder in class

you are a dream
the greatest love you symbolize
still dreaming
come anew or we’ll stay in impasse
Lama Mar 2020
and then we won and they have lost
and then we sang and they went to cry
life has been cruel but not for now
the enemy’s gone so let’s just dance
pockets emptied out
guns handed down
and a golden key
belonged to the queen
the queen is dead
it’s ours now
lock the dead
the selfish ones
let them stink
til the morning comes
let them taste
the gold they owned
unravel their minds
twisted in the night
burn that candle
our blood will purify
Lama Dec 2018
i dreamt about her
for thousands of years  
now she’s beside me
it feels so strange
bragging about this man who kept her sane
looks like i don’t belong in her place
i only wanted to spend the rest of my life
admiring her face
she needed my attention
so she promised her feelings would change
only if i win the race
but she tied my hands
left me to die in this cage
i began to scream
thinking it’d get me out of this mind maze
then my colors started to fade
her selfishness
stopped the rain
and she wonders why
her heart is no longer green
Lama Jun 2019
‪i know that i have it in me‬
but i’m scared of my own enemy
a ghost of my nightmares suffocating me
to death it's leading me
to misery i’m burning a cheap dream
i’ve been searching for a light to guide me
but every spark i find
it quickly fades away
could i be my own shining star
or am i still kid dreaming of paradise
happiness is dangerous
when all seem to cry
but i,
not a tear of my injured eye have come out
still seeing life pink
when they painted it black
Lama Aug 2021
there was so much I wanted to know about you
so much I wanted to hear from you
so much I wanted to discover with you
and so much love I wanted to give you

but timing wasn’t quite the helper
it destroyed the grounds we made

if I loved you a little lesser
maybe you’d have stayed

to overcome my bitter
I begged for your image to fade

and hating you wasn’t simple
since loving you opened my cage

I know you feel it too
so open my violet letter
and even though we won’t be together
it was sincere what we lived through
Lama Nov 2019
I don’t know what I want
or what to do
or what to feel
all I know is I’m like a whale
roaming down the moonless ocean
no home is fit for me to sleep
too big in the eyes of a human
too small compared to the sea
what am I supposed to be?
an enormous heart pumping the love away
enough to drown every lover with me
but I’m strange yet a lucky whale
I get to see deep ends and golden keys
never knowing how to start nor proceed
would you mind breathing a little my dear?
spinning in circles of numbness like a freak
welcome to my show I might be mean
I’m a whale in a suit of a human being
Lama Dec 2019
A miracle,
You were born.
Told me to pray,
All I did was cry.
Like a magical bird, you flutter.
Sweep my pain away,
With every cloud you reach.
The sky dropped you,
It couldn’t handle you.
Too precious for a sulky dome,
Vigorous for a fragile field.
Unreal to have you saving me,
What do your mischievous eyes see?
Lama Feb 2019
the feeling of betrayal
by your own shadow
the reasons why
you don’t fit in the land of sorrow
the lake of your desires
drained from regulations
your soul no longer will blossom
and in melancholy
your own grave demolished
you’re lost, no place for you to wield
the power you had like a spark waned
no winning
you’re smothering by a fire you lit
and even after suffocating
you can’t find a place
to slumber the pain away
to ashes your bones altered
you’re obliterated
like a forgettable memory
swiftly gliding
Lama Dec 2019
I miss you
where have you been?
your body’s beside me
your soul’s somewhere else
your mind’s in a ferris wheel
with someone who stole my seat
unsynchronized beats
come back
your face lost its spark
is it me?
I won’t hold you to drown
stay or leave
omitting then approaching
make up your mind
Lama Mar 2019
you never learn
you never will
seasons come and leafs fall out
and you’re still fixing the past
the sun rises and you’re still up
guarding the moon and making sure
no creature wakes up, unless you do
yawning like a child through the night
securing every starlight
assuring no one gets lost in dark fights
as quiet as the lion
glorifying its way to the den
and birds ease off to the their nests
you’re at peace
you’re relieved
but you can’t control them tears
nor confine the seeing
Lama Jul 2019
nothing makes me happy anymore

it’s like
i miss the tasteful touch of the sky
bluer, than all the seas and oceans

i miss the cloudy feeling on my forehead
my curls conflicting with the air
but i admit
i was happier than i have ever been
Lama Jun 2021
we were young
we had little time, boy
meeting through windows
showing me your new toy
I thought it was cool
did I tell you that?

I told you to come over
after the sun sets
you knocked on my door
fireworks filled the bag you held

we snuck to the rooftop
we sparked up the sky
I knew I loved you then
I wish I told you that

every week we go see the animals
you tell me facts I have heard before
you grab my hand to get snacks
and we walk until our feet get sore

I remember hanging out in your room
colorful was your floor extruding gloom
we were playing and sipping juice
the taste of it in my mouth froze

we had so many memories
I’m not sure if you still remember me
I would never trade anything we had
I wish you were here to tell you that
Lama Nov 2020
I will tell you where to put me
Near the rivers and snowflakes
In my dream I visited Berlin
It was hot, but cold was your bouquet

I take pleasure in winning
But for you I’d willingly fail
I’d sink to kiss your feet
Our love is the only winner
Racing hearts wouldn’t skip a beat

In memorialization we fade
In and out of lust again
Petal cheeks and moon eyes
My hands I flukily baked
Along with flour and paint
I was inside you within a bite
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