stumbled upon your hideaway
an unexpected intrusion,
sunken heart I swallowed
hallucinating your shadow,

bluntly dismissing my worries
as my eyes fondly sought
a heaven within your cheeks,

softly blushing underneath
your eyes treasured me
oh, naive little me,

put a foot aside, darling,
undone love awaits outside,
fantasies blinded your soul
while I stood, earnestly
yearning to own your heart

somewhere in europe
when the man met the woman
silhouettes through the window
of them kissing
she vanished after the rhythms
were lost in a stranger’s vision
he played with her like a violin
a body of a sad song spinning
flesh were rotting
the price of the heartbreak
is unforgiven
mending the misery
cannot be unwritten
the divine interventions
shattered the moments
smiles in europe
turned into tears of a golden cherub
the ghost of an imperious man
made the commands
until nothing was left to demand
the mistreat
he tried to pull it
far from the sight
but he couldn’t
so he had to bite the bullet

I learnt to welcome the future
eagerly
but not expect anything
as reality isn’t a fantasy
but fantasies could be
the reality I see

there was so much I wanted to know about you
so much I wanted to hear from you
so much I wanted to discover with you
and so much love I wanted to give you

but timing wasn’t quite the helper
it destroyed the grounds we made

if I loved you a little lesser
maybe you’d have stayed

to overcome my bitter
I begged for your image to fade

and hating you wasn’t simple
since loving you opened my cage

I know you feel it too
so open my violet letter
and even though we won’t be together
it was sincere what we lived through

‪my heart lacks love, my sky lacks stars‬
come here, fill my dark voids
and throw me between your bars

I was only four
A chaser for dreams
I held my colored fist
Pacing to find the scenes

Since I was eight
I started losing friends
Crying on playgrounds
Burying my head in the sand

Twelve years have passed
Silenced by women at decks
Obey or lose your badge, miss
Says the man who swallows pills

When I was fourteen
I got lost in worthless daydreams
Sharp razors looked so serene
Petrifying my mortal craze

I thought when I turn eighteen
I could magically reappear
The hallways were soundless
But the sirens woken my mistakes

Now i’m twenty one of age
Living on an empty land
I fluster my body inside a cage
I smoke to wean my soul’s pride

Will I live past this age?
I replenish with rage
Years pass and nothing change
Who knows if today’s my last day

you gave me something i couldn’t refuse
but i hate it, it’s sickening me
it’s your love that i didn’t ask for
and you keep crawling into me
i’m tied in a place called love
i can’t seem to leave
attached to you, exposed to you
i was hiding now i’m fully seen
i always try to break the cage
you always find the path where i escape
are you blessed for having me?
or am i cursed for having you?

I know that I always push you away
I know when I need you the most
I vanish
I don’t want to be an unwieldy burden
and it hurts every time you’re hurt
and yes
I’m aware I love you more than myself
but I don’t know why I keep this distance
between our glaring love
am I afraid if I love you closely
I might lose you
and never touch you again?
or am I not ready
to pour all the love that I got
until one day it won’t be enough?
or maybe I enjoy loving you from afar
so I don’t get too attached

I am sick
so sick
packed up my emotions like bricks
each night is another sweat on my neck

I drift
far I drift
away from my body I shift
to an invisible circle of gifts

I sleep
like a baby on the sheets
silk they may appear
but within is all the nightmares

goodbye I tell you
even in the other life
I will miss you

it is the end of the day
I do not believe in god
but I am on my knees
conflict with faith yet I pray
for my soul that is flawed
there I cried under the trees

leafs on my skin
feels like a beloved’s touch
stories of heartbreak
there all my pain will begin
waited for the call a bit much
longingly admiring a mistake

lonely in a room of mysteries
plunging into woes
aiming for a notice
isn’t it cruel to wipe the histories
sculptures of us froze
and all we have is a poem

dig your own grave until you demolish
the love you built with a loner in the forest,
talking with your mouth closed you learned
to teach your love how to survive the hunt,
when people like you and me came to cut
our throats deep like animals in the wild we bent,
but trips to cities became the heaven you craved
we’re blinded by a love we didn’t intend to make,
we were short-sighted lovebirds lost in a gray sky
but we have to wash the blood of a war we stood by.

the feeling of betrayal
by your own shadow
the reasons why
you don’t fit in the land of sorrow
the lake of your desires
drained from regulations
your soul no longer will blossom
and in melancholy
your own grave demolished
you’re lost, no place for you to wield
the power you had like a spark waned
no winning
you’re smothering by a fire you lit
and even after suffocating
you can’t find a place
to slumber the pain away
to ashes your bones altered
you’re obliterated
like a forgettable memory
swiftly gliding

I hate that I have to choose
I hate how we are bound to break
all the nights we traveled the world
we arouse before the sun would escape
eventually our lost hearts found the light
young souls like rays of obscure dreams
gently sewed up the shores we made
assure my mind before the tides strike
and drown the bond that makes you mine

I can wait
if it means I will have you by morning
I can wait
if the stars will birth you non-broken
I can wait
if the tears I wept will flow like a blissful river
I can wait
if the roof we built will be covered in feathers
I can wait
if our souls up in the sky will be hypnotized
I can wait
if my existence will make you mesmerized

belittle me, my courageous mistake
emotions we felt for the wrong cause
captured in a blink of an eye by lies
our bodies that you abducted
and surrounded them by knives
shaped deep circles of manipulations
in the morning, you dive into wounds of pain
like silent statues we obey
warped in anguish and sorrow
fabricated masks we wore
hiding the faces that trusted a fool
what a shame of us we eased the road
puppets of your own creation we became
led by the outrage of shaky bruises
when birds went to sleep, i tried to escape
but i keep drowning in my misguided faiths
on you i had false beliefs
the exceeded hurting
and the mysterious objections
made me love you in a deadly manner

A miracle,
You were born.
Told me to pray,
All I did was cry.
Like a magical bird, you flutter.
Sweep my pain away,
With every cloud you reach.
The sky dropped you,
It couldn’t handle you.
Too precious for a sulky dome,
Vigorous for a fragile field.
Unreal to have you saving me,
What do your mischievous eyes see?

they think i am exaggerating when i say
i am a private one
i am a dark one, i am a shallow one
i am a sealed book
my lock is lost
and the key
at the deepest ocean tossed

do not try to open me
i mistakenly paved a bleak lane
and all the feet commonly turn away
when they feel the coldness of my heart
boosting the grounds from my narrow part

do not think you are my saving king
or my providing queen so just back away
and when i say you are just like the others
i was not exaggerating when i said

show the real you
people won’t accept you
you will only be left
with those who believed in you
the power within you
is evolving  
enhancing
slowly expanding
the violence they injected in you
made you the monster they hide from
but you’re innocent
full of kindness
purity shines through you
they couldn’t make you one of their own
so they went and smashed you
a failure they called you
silent all these years
up to the highest hill you escaped
you got to scream
your lungs collapsed
and when you jumped
you felt free
no more harming
you get to dream
fly high my angel
you will be fine
as long as you have yourself
nothing is worth worrying about

alone in summer and winter
alone in the eve of your disappearance
alone all my life i have been
until i died

the loneliness of the cold breeze of winter
made me freeze to death
but i was made alive in your presence
alive all my life i have been
until i die next to you in the warmth of summer

‪I used to be a lucky star‬
‪the moon drowses‬
‪as my wings burn‬

‪lustrous soul crumbled far‬
‪hey there moon, arises ‬
‪when embers rake, I yearn ‬

fatefully inclined
clinically parched
of receiving love
deceptively lied
to protect my heart
logically engraved
emotions to blame
my darkened eyes
when losing sight
how could I
mend my spine
for a soul
that’s not mine

in a room full of people
my heart lingers of loneliness
as the shadows of my fingers
turn into one soulless silhouette.

intertwisted skin solaced in warmth
dreading my own happiness
like a painted smile
with all of my pain
underneath it
a southed yearn dying north
urged to lead the madness.

the sin of having to see the life
the force to spread and leave the night
to get beaten standing in the sunrise

the screams of the burning angels in paradise
agitating the children in the wombs at the dark

mothers hiding to save others’ lives
from a fire created by a slave’s palm
making it a torch twirling around the town

nothing but ashes the traitors walk among
how adjusted their world turned to be
by burning poor and throwing the crops
and all that won’t justify your gray soul

i love you beyond reality
to every universe we might exist in
i love your sweet melody
to my heart i’d recognize
wherever you sing
i’d follow
and whenever you cry
we’re shallow

if anything, it will make you ill
to dream of recurring realities.
incapable of sleeping,
you wished for immortality.
beating up a damaged seeker
to detain a remorseful show,
but the golden chains
will only make the past
an elegant foe.
nested with tears on your palm,
enough to irrigate unheard roads.
stepped on with nowhere to be,
reluctant futures you sought.
but if anything, you will float with pride
carrying an unborn love, seas ahead.
if heart is a white feathered kite,
then life is yours, marvelous kid.

oh, they think I am crazy‬
‪yet I left pacing so shady‬
‪standing over the hill daily ‬
‪unvaried views, got me so lazy‬
‪gave up my soul to a blue daisy ‬
‪please take care of it baby ‬
‪do not abandon me so easily ‬
‪erasing my spot, while the sky is hazy ‬

hypocrites speak
and broken hearts seek
a love that will lean
into a forever of years
a forever of them, a forever of us

but what is forever if we don’t catch the sun
get the light in the suburbs of fun
and we will dance
above the grass

let me tell you one word that will last
in the ears of lovers that confide
in each other’s hearts
and to forever they may last

love, is it real?
or is it just something that radiates
reflections of crystals
on romanticized chandeliers

I’m roughly drinking
keeping a mind clear
is it possible to have someone
to lock your heart within
keeping it safe, a sheer sincere

I have dreamed of million eyes
but mine only landed on one
one that my soul’s draining to collect
are you real, my dearly one?

i have mastered the arts of being shut
a lonely closed mouth all year but
only because my words had turned to dust
from the day my teeth been cut
and i hated the way things went unjust
dead flowers inside my guts

I’d like to be a part of your story
but tell me, will you ever be sorry?
for all the pain you caused me
your aimless shadows still haunt me

I want to wake up not feeling lonely
I can’t welcome your body around me
you scar me
you love me
then run to call your army
to put me down on your bed of glory

you draw me like a fairy
you think I’m unwary
I’m chained up dripping sweet cherries

my blood is on your path
my soul will unpack
and all your secrets will find a way back

there is so much i haven’t done
i keep wondering
if i’m ever going to live my dreams
which i locked away from all the screams
of the people who don’t believe in me
none of us asked to be born here
but we’re living to survive
to live the moment
to cherish and love
to dream but to beware
of any becoming nightmare
i’m ready for the knives to cut me deep
i’ve already healed
from the scars that made me weak
but made me got up on my feet
remembering all the moments
i promised myself to not cry and weep
when the enemy comes ready to beat
i’ve been defeated but no more deceiving  
no more hesitation, i’ll turn the wheel
i’m far from weak
i’m the strongest i’ve ever been
you can’t hurt me
if my scars are already seen
you thought you could manipulate me
but here i am, messing with your brain
telling you nothing but the same words
you’ve been telling me for years
i watch you fall into the lake
****** rain dripping down the lane
you’re drowning and you can’t speak
is there something you want to say?
i’ve heard it all, no more place for me stay

dead soul, present to me

lived the life before i breathe
so exotically charming, inside a strange grave
in a foreign city thrown away.

the voices of damaged emotions i hear
so keen on them, i mustn’t leave
following a dead-end of unhappy mistakes.

familiar eyes saw him pick a misguided lane
here in the white sand, he’s forever insane
a smudged bathtub in blood far away.

here lies the miraculous man.

two pearls
agreed to keep apart
to glow in silence
outgrow the smart

two pearls
she and I
miles away
I can feel her heart sigh

two pearls
swim in my eyes
dance in the air of love
I will make you a golden kite

two pearls
will you be mine?
I will let you shine
for you I would break my spine

you left me dealing with a mess you caused
twenty something reached the peak
your excuses may have not made sense
I understood each word I did not hear

what we will have may not seem ideal
because you stormed off one day
how could anything be
like you used to see
intertwined with new nightmares
I forgot how it used to be

I would like to remember it nicely
but the shadows prison me rightfully
I made a pact with the dark
if my heart is ever leaning
towards what once hurt me
lived within me to love me
then went discarding me
then I would not know peace

take all of me politely
and let the ghosts who knew her
feast on me
indefinitely

ease off for your own sake
loosen up those old scars
replace them with new smiles
you’re too young to be breathless
I ask you why you are
frightened from shadows that are faceless
you answer how you are
building up walls
around a soul that is faithless
but I hug you tight
putting my hand facing yours
like we’re one dot fell into connectedness
a forever of soft touches of tenderness
I love you beyond endlessness
trust me I will always be here
for always by your side until soil cover us
then we will forget all the wounds
that made you crawl until you were found
I found you pale and bloodless
all alone in the woods
I shed a golden tear
because I was you
and you were me
we were separated by fear
neither one of us went to nowhere
we were always bounded by despair
we touched the surface and forces exploded
we were left up to the blueish violet sky
my soul disintegrated
your body was divided apart
here we are again standing as one

we were young
we had little time, boy
meeting through windows
showing me your new toy
I thought it was cool
did I tell you that?

I told you to come over
after the sun sets
you knocked on my door
fireworks filled the bag you held

we snuck to the rooftop
we sparked up the sky
I knew I loved you then
I wish I told you that

every week we go see the animals
you tell me facts I have heard before
you grab my hand to get snacks
and we walk until our feet get sore

I remember hanging out in your room
colorful was your floor extruding gloom
we were playing and sipping juice
the taste of it in my mouth froze

we had so many memories
I’m not sure if you still remember me
I would never trade anything we had
I wish you were here to tell you that

the sound of nothingness
soothing my brain
from missed calls
buried under my pillow

a burning candle
smothering the roof
but my throat choked on
words that never made my note

I slept away my hopelessness
praying the rain would wash it away
the thunder woken a light within me
my desires stormed like a clenched beast

I never intended to harm you
if I could change the past
I would never run away from you
alas, self. I was too cruel for you to last

between tomorrow and yesterday
i lost myself in today

maybe you’re not a fixer
you just need fixing
your broken pieces need healing
and you’re not a healer
you thought you could save me
but i’m here to save you