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1.5k · Nov 2021
seclusion
Lama Nov 2021
stumbled upon your hideaway
an unexpected intrusion,
sunken heart I swallowed
hallucinating your shadow,

bluntly dismissing my worries
as my eyes fondly sought
a heaven within your cheeks,

softly blushing underneath
your eyes treasured me
oh, naive little me,

put a foot aside, darling,
undone love awaits outside,
fantasies blinded your soul
while I stood, earnestly
yearning to own your heart
1.3k · Jan 2019
the ghost of europe
Lama Jan 2019
somewhere in europe
when the man met the woman
silhouettes through the window
of them kissing
she vanished after the rhythms
were lost in a stranger’s vision
he played with her like a violin
a body of a sad song spinning
flesh were rotting
the price of the heartbreak
is unforgiven
mending the misery
cannot be unwritten
the divine interventions
shattered the moments
smiles in europe
turned into tears of a golden cherub
the ghost of an imperious man
made the commands
until nothing was left to demand
the mistreat
he tried to pull it
far from the sight
but he couldn’t
so he had to bite the bullet
913 · Mar 2019
not just sad
Lama Mar 2019
it’s not a normal feeling
not a temporary feeling
you’re sick, and you know it
836 · Jan 2022
my reality
Lama Jan 2022
I learnt to welcome the future
eagerly
but not expect anything
as reality isn’t a fantasy
but fantasies could be
the reality I see
704 · Aug 2021
I lost you too early
Lama Aug 2021
there was so much I wanted to know about you
so much I wanted to hear from you
so much I wanted to discover with you
and so much love I wanted to give you

but timing wasn’t quite the helper
it destroyed the grounds we made

if I loved you a little lesser
maybe you’d have stayed

to overcome my bitter
I begged for your image to fade

and hating you wasn’t simple
since loving you opened my cage

I know you feel it too
so open my violet letter
and even though we won’t be together
it was sincere what we lived through
659 · Feb 2019
our sky lacks stars
Lama Feb 2019
tell me
is it worth it
when we stay all the night
looking at every little thing
but we can’t have
a slight gaze
at the stars
640 · Mar 2019
memories
Lama Mar 2019
i’m not afraid of losing you
i’m afraid i might forget you
all the memories in years we had
can fly away in the speed of light
i tried to write down the whispers
we shared in paris and venice
we were strangers paired
the wind made us kiss under a local’s roof
the bullets tried to separate us
but we were bulletproof
to an unknown town we once escaped
we were young and foolish
making this love embrace
we tried to build our home
but our night bed was the shore
we drove by misleading roads
tried everything and went everywhere
nothing was strong enough
to break us away
but all these letters flew up the sky
before the ink was dry
612 · Apr 2019
yours
Lama Apr 2019
‪my heart lacks love, my sky lacks stars‬
come here, fill my dark voids
and throw me between your bars
607 · Dec 2019
escape
Lama Dec 2019
I will be out of here
when every good thing disappears
and you will be out with me
fighting darkness without fear
596 · Dec 2020
21
Lama Dec 2020
21
I was only four
A chaser for dreams
I held my colored fist
Pacing to find the scenes

Since I was eight
I started losing friends
Crying on playgrounds
Burying my head in the sand

Twelve years have passed
Silenced by women at decks
Obey or lose your badge, miss
Says the man who swallows pills

When I was fourteen
I got lost in worthless daydreams
Sharp razors looked so serene
Petrifying my mortal craze

I thought when I turn eighteen
I could magically reappear
The hallways were soundless
But the sirens woken my mistakes

Now i’m twenty one of age
Living on an empty land
I fluster my body inside a cage
I smoke to wean my soul’s pride

Will I live past this age?
I replenish with rage
Years pass and nothing change
Who knows if today’s my last day
564 · Jul 2019
i was happy
Lama Jul 2019
nothing makes me happy anymore

it’s like
i miss the tasteful touch of the sky
bluer, than all the seas and oceans
combined

i miss the cloudy feeling on my forehead
my curls conflicting with the air
but i admit
i was happier than i have ever been
527 · Apr 2019
cursed bliss
Lama Apr 2019
you gave me something i couldn’t refuse
but i hate it, it’s sickening me
it’s your love that i didn’t ask for
and you keep crawling into me
i’m tied in a place called love
i can’t seem to leave
attached to you, exposed to you
i was hiding now i’m fully seen
i always try to break the cage
you always find the path where i escape
are you blessed for having me?
or am i cursed for having you?
Lama Dec 2018
I know that I always push you away
I know when I need you the most
I vanish
I don’t want to be an unwieldy burden
and it hurts every time you’re hurt
and yes
I’m aware I love you more than myself
but I don’t know why I keep this distance
between our glaring love
am I afraid if I love you closely
I might lose you
and never touch you again?
or am I not ready
to pour all the love that I got
until one day it won’t be enough?
or maybe I enjoy loving you from afar
so I don’t get too attached
497 · Nov 2019
transform
Lama Nov 2019
I am sick
so sick
packed up my emotions like bricks
each night is another sweat on my neck

I drift
far I drift
away from my body I shift
to an invisible circle of gifts

I sleep
like a baby on the sheets
silk they may appear
but within is all the nightmares

goodbye I tell you
even in the other life
I will miss you
495 · Nov 2019
words of isolation
Lama Nov 2019
it is the end of the day
I do not believe in god
but I am on my knees
conflict with faith yet I pray
for my soul that is flawed
there I cried under the trees

leafs on my skin
feels like a beloved’s touch
stories of heartbreak
there all my pain will begin
waited for the call a bit much
longingly admiring a mistake

lonely in a room of mysteries
plunging into woes
aiming for a notice
isn’t it cruel to wipe the histories
sculptures of us froze
and all we have is a poem
483 · May 2019
the lobster
Lama May 2019
dig your own grave until you demolish
the love you built with a loner in the forest,
talking with your mouth closed you learned
to teach your love how to survive the hunt,
when people like you and me came to cut
our throats deep like animals in the wild we bent,
but trips to cities became the heaven you craved
we’re blinded by a love we didn’t intend to make,
we were short-sighted lovebirds lost in a gray sky
but we have to wash the blood of a war we stood by.
a poem inspired by the movie The Lobster (2015) dir. Yorgos Lanthimos
427 · Feb 2019
inadequacy
Lama Feb 2019
the feeling of betrayal
by your own shadow
the reasons why
you don’t fit in the land of sorrow
the lake of your desires
drained from regulations
your soul no longer will blossom
and in melancholy
your own grave demolished
you’re lost, no place for you to wield
the power you had like a spark waned
no winning
you’re smothering by a fire you lit
and even after suffocating
you can’t find a place
to slumber the pain away
to ashes your bones altered
you’re obliterated
like a forgettable memory
swiftly gliding
419 · Nov 2019
bound to mend the bond
Lama Nov 2019
I hate that I have to choose
I hate how we are bound to break
all the nights we traveled the world
we arouse before the sun would escape
eventually our lost hearts found the light
young souls like rays of obscure dreams
gently sewed up the shores we made
assure my mind before the tides strike
and drown the bond that makes you mine
410 · Oct 2019
waiting for you
Lama Oct 2019
I can wait
if it means I will have you by morning
I can wait
if the stars will birth you non-broken
I can wait
if the tears I wept will flow like a blissful river
I can wait
if the roof we built will be covered in feathers
I can wait
if our souls up in the sky will be hypnotized
I can wait
if my existence will make you mesmerized
405 · Jan 2019
deadly love
Lama Jan 2019
belittle me, my courageous mistake
emotions we felt for the wrong cause
captured in a blink of an eye by lies
our bodies that you abducted
and surrounded them by knives
shaped deep circles of manipulations
in the morning, you dive into wounds of pain
like silent statues we obey
warped in anguish and sorrow
fabricated masks we wore
hiding the faces that trusted a fool
what a shame of us we eased the road
puppets of your own creation we became
led by the outrage of shaky bruises
when birds went to sleep, i tried to escape
but i keep drowning in my misguided faiths
on you i had false beliefs
the exceeded hurting
and the mysterious objections
made me love you in a deadly manner
347 · Dec 2019
Imposter
Lama Dec 2019
A miracle,
You were born.
Told me to pray,
All I did was cry.
Like a magical bird, you flutter.
Sweep my pain away,
With every cloud you reach.
The sky dropped you,
It couldn’t handle you.
Too precious for a sulky dome,
Vigorous for a fragile field.
Unreal to have you saving me,
What do your mischievous eyes see?
336 · Aug 2019
locked away
Lama Aug 2019
they think i am exaggerating when i say
i am a private one
i am a dark one, i am a shallow one
i am a sealed book
my lock is lost
and the key
at the deepest ocean tossed

do not try to open me
i mistakenly paved a bleak lane
and all the feet commonly turn away
when they feel the coldness of my heart
boosting the grounds from my narrow part

do not think you are my saving king
or my providing queen so just back away
and when i say you are just like the others
i was not exaggerating when i said
Lama Dec 2018
show the real you
people won’t accept you
you will only be left
with those who believed in you
the power within you
is evolving  
enhancing
slowly expanding
the violence they injected in you
made you the monster they hide from
but you’re innocent
full of kindness
purity shines through you
they couldn’t make you one of their own
so they went and smashed you
a failure they called you
silent all these years
up to the highest hill you escaped
you got to scream
your lungs collapsed
and when you jumped
you felt free
no more harming
you get to dream
fly high my angel
you will be fine
as long as you have yourself
nothing is worth worrying about
316 · Jul 2019
alone and alive with you
Lama Jul 2019
alone in summer and winter
alone in the eve of your disappearance
alone all my life i have been
until i died

the loneliness of the cold breeze of winter
made me freeze to death
but i was made alive in your presence
alive all my life i have been
until i die next to you in the warmth of summer
277 · Dec 2019
a dusted star
Lama Dec 2019
‪I used to be a lucky star‬
‪the moon drowses‬
‪as my wings burn‬

‪lustrous soul crumbled far‬
‪hey there moon, arises ‬
‪when embers rake, I yearn ‬
276 · May 2021
shell of a human
Lama May 2021
fatefully inclined
clinically parched
of receiving love
deceptively lied
to protect my heart
logically engraved
emotions to blame
my darkened eyes
when losing sight
how could I
mend my spine
for a soul
that’s not mine
260 · Feb 2021
loneliness-led
Lama Feb 2021
in a room full of people
my heart lingers of loneliness
as the shadows of my fingers
turn into one soulless silhouette.

intertwisted skin solaced in warmth
dreading my own happiness
like a painted smile
with all of my pain
underneath it
a southed yearn dying north
urged to lead the madness.
256 · Dec 2019
death
Lama Dec 2019
we run the miles like we’ve always knew
you came into my life like a fading blue
I gently put you down on a silky sea
I close your eyes and cry on my knees

where did our time go?
will we ever know?
memories of us
downhills fuss
252 · Jun 2019
sinful for wanting to live
Lama Jun 2019
the sin of having to see the life
the force to spread and leave the night
to get beaten standing in the sunrise

the screams of the burning angels in paradise
agitating the children in the wombs at the dark

mothers hiding to save others’ lives
from a fire created by a slave’s palm
making it a torch twirling around the town

nothing but ashes the traitors walk among
how adjusted their world turned to be
by burning poor and throwing the crops
and all that won’t justify your gray soul
250 · Sep 2019
to you
Lama Sep 2019
to you
my beautiful shining star
to you
the light within me in the dark
to you
my guiding hand in busy crowds
on you
I rely
a solely independent soul
mysteriously got lost looking at you
when I couldn’t walk among the rest
you held me like I wasn’t like the rest
you called me a rare diamond
to forever I’ll be intertwining
hand on hand
fingers twisting
245 · Jul 2019
lover
Lama Jul 2019
i love you beyond reality
to every universe we might exist in
i love your sweet melody
to my heart i’d recognize
wherever you sing
i’d follow
and whenever you cry
we’re shallow
238 · Apr 2021
life is yours
Lama Apr 2021
if anything, it will make you ill
to dream of recurring realities.
incapable of sleeping,
you wished for immortality.
beating up a damaged seeker
to detain a remorseful show,
but the golden chains
will only make the past
an elegant foe.
nested with tears on your palm,
enough to irrigate unheard roads.
stepped on with nowhere to be,
reluctant futures you sought.
but if anything, you will float with pride
carrying an unborn love, seas ahead.
if heart is a white feathered kite,
then life is yours, marvelous kid.
233 · Oct 2019
giving up
Lama Oct 2019
oh, they think I am crazy‬
‪yet I left pacing so shady‬
‪standing over the hill daily ‬
‪unvaried views, got me so lazy‬
‪gave up my soul to a blue daisy ‬
‪please take care of it baby ‬
‪do not abandon me so easily ‬
‪erasing my spot, while the sky is hazy ‬
231 · Aug 2019
forever
Lama Aug 2019
hypocrites speak
and broken hearts seek
a love that will lean
into a forever of years
a forever of them, a forever of us

but what is forever if we don’t catch the sun
get the light in the suburbs of fun
and we will dance
above the grass

let me tell you one word that will last
in the ears of lovers that confide
in each other’s hearts
and to forever they may last
218 · Jul 2019
what we have
Lama Jul 2019
why do we hate
what we have
when we sacrificed ourselves
for what we have

you wished to have
what you have
now it’s poison
what you have
213 · Aug 2019
new love
Lama Aug 2019
i hope you
forgive me
think of me
when you’re alone and free

we fell in love too early
it’s a new love in a scenery
and we’re lost in the mystery
212 · Dec 2019
a fantasy....or not
Lama Dec 2019
love, is it real?
or is it just something that radiates
reflections of crystals
on romanticized chandeliers

I’m roughly drinking
keeping a mind clear
is it possible to have someone
to lock your heart within
keeping it safe, a sheer sincere

I have dreamed of million eyes
but mine only landed on one
one that my soul’s draining to collect
are you real, my dearly one?
203 · Jul 2019
quietness
Lama Jul 2019
i have mastered the arts of being shut
a lonely closed mouth all year but
only because my words had turned to dust
from the day my teeth been cut
and i hated the way things went unjust
dead flowers inside my guts
197 · Nov 2019
gory and lovely
Lama Nov 2019
I’d like to be a part of your story
but tell me, will you ever be sorry?
for all the pain you caused me
your aimless shadows still haunt me

I want to wake up not feeling lonely
I can’t welcome your body around me
you scar me
you love me
then run to call your army
to put me down on your bed of glory

you draw me like a fairy
you think I’m unwary
I’m chained up dripping sweet cherries

my blood is on your path
my soul will unpack
and all your secrets will find a way back
194 · Dec 2018
survivals
Lama Dec 2018
there is so much i haven’t done
i keep wondering
if i’m ever going to live my dreams
which i locked away from all the screams
of the people who don’t believe in me
none of us asked to be born here
but we’re living to survive
to live the moment
to cherish and love
to dream but to beware
of any becoming nightmare
i’m ready for the knives to cut me deep
i’ve already healed
from the scars that made me weak
but made me got up on my feet
remembering all the moments
i promised myself to not cry and weep
when the enemy comes ready to beat
i’ve been defeated but no more deceiving  
no more hesitation, i’ll turn the wheel
i’m far from weak
i’m the strongest i’ve ever been
you can’t hurt me
if my scars are already seen
you thought you could manipulate me
but here i am, messing with your brain
telling you nothing but the same words
you’ve been telling me for years
i watch you fall into the lake
****** rain dripping down the lane
you’re drowning and you can’t speak
is there something you want to say?
i’ve heard it all, no more place for me stay
192 · Mar 2019
insomnia
Lama Mar 2019
you never learn
you never will
seasons come and leafs fall out
and you’re still fixing the past
the sun rises and you’re still up
guarding the moon and making sure
no creature wakes up, unless you do
yawning like a child through the night
securing every starlight
assuring no one gets lost in dark fights
as quiet as the lion
glorifying its way to the den
and birds ease off to the their nests
you’re at peace
you’re relieved
but you can’t control them tears
nor confine the seeing
187 · Jun 2019
strange souls
Lama Jun 2019
a stranger like me
in the old island of Aenaria
on an enormous rock, our souls agonizing
but a long seaway from the eternals
and their so-called city of love

we ran to the warmish light
our souls started to disintegrate
and away with it, the sorrow merged
to find a better resting place

am i the survivor of my own misery,
or just another victim found in a scenery?

i, asking the angels
got feathers thrown all around me

but never answers to satisfy me
nor besorrow to my heart
176 · Jun 2019
the miraculous man
Lama Jun 2019
dead soul, present to me

lived the life before i breathe
so exotically charming, inside a strange grave
in a foreign city thrown away.

the voices of damaged emotions i hear
so keen on them, i mustn’t leave
following a dead-end of unhappy mistakes.

familiar eyes saw him pick a misguided lane
here in the white sand, he’s forever insane
a smudged bathtub in blood far away.

here lies the miraculous man.
169 · Jun 2020
two pearls
Lama Jun 2020
two pearls
agreed to keep apart
to glow in silence
outgrow the smart

two pearls
she and I
miles away
I can feel her heart sigh

two pearls
swim in my eyes
dance in the air of love
I will make you a golden kite

two pearls
will you be mine?
I will let you shine
for you I would break my spine
162 · Jul 2019
unpresent
Lama Jul 2019
between tomorrow and yesterday
i lost myself in today
160 · Jun 2021
child of the dark
Lama Jun 2021
you left me dealing with a mess you caused
twenty something reached the peak
your excuses may have not made sense
I understood each word I did not hear

what we will have may not seem ideal
because you stormed off one day
how could anything be
like you used to see
intertwined with new nightmares
I forgot how it used to be

I would like to remember it nicely
but the shadows prison me rightfully
I made a pact with the dark
if my heart is ever leaning
towards what once hurt me
lived within me to love me
then went discarding me
then I would not know peace

take all of me politely
and let the ghosts who knew her
feast on me
indefinitely
154 · Jun 2021
kids in love
Lama Jun 2021
we were young
we had little time, boy
meeting through windows
showing me your new toy
I thought it was cool
did I tell you that?

I told you to come over
after the sun sets
you knocked on my door
fireworks filled the bag you held

we snuck to the rooftop
we sparked up the sky
I knew I loved you then
I wish I told you that

every week we go see the animals
you tell me facts I have heard before
you grab my hand to get snacks
and we walk until our feet get sore

I remember hanging out in your room
colorful was your floor extruding gloom
we were playing and sipping juice
the taste of it in my mouth froze

we had so many memories
I’m not sure if you still remember me
I would never trade anything we had
I wish you were here to tell you that
154 · Aug 2019
a letter to self
Lama Aug 2019
ease off for your own sake
loosen up those old scars
replace them with new smiles
you’re too young to be breathless
I ask you why you are
frightened from shadows that are faceless
you answer how you are
building up walls
around a soul that is faithless
but I hug you tight
putting my hand facing yours
like we’re one dot fell into connectedness
a forever of soft touches of tenderness
I love you beyond endlessness
trust me I will always be here
for always by your side until soil cover us
then we will forget all the wounds
that made you crawl until you were found
I found you pale and bloodless
all alone in the woods
I shed a golden tear
because I was you
and you were me
we were separated by fear
neither one of us went to nowhere
we were always bounded by despair
we touched the surface and forces exploded
we were left up to the blueish violet sky
my soul disintegrated
your body was divided apart
here we are again standing as one
153 · Feb 2021
fatality
Lama Feb 2021
the sound of nothingness
soothing my brain
from missed calls
buried under my pillow

a burning candle
smothering the roof
but my throat choked on
words that never made my note

I slept away my hopelessness
praying the rain would wash it away
the thunder woken a light within me
my desires stormed like a clenched beast

I never intended to harm you
if I could change the past
I would never run away from you
alas, self. I was too cruel for you to last
151 · Mar 2021
another daydream
Lama Mar 2021
I woke up alone in my bed
welcoming the air to cave in
creating a melody as I breathe out
making the rays dance around my room

then my heart took another beat
and the walls were tuned in
like a crowd clueless about the show

stories beneath me, my feet stepped on
memories reviving from floor’s glory
an ancient soul could have sworn
I was the first to feel this lonely

life surrendered as I whispered
agony to push my soul up
from a surface of forged memories
resisting reality to keep me numb

for once, I was able to feel the sky
lifting my tanned fingers to wrap the clouds
a bird rested on my branch to ask
“how does it feel to wander bewildered,
  wrecking the future and sleeping wounded,
  reaching the sky to neglect the ground’s fight?
  I will get you down for one more chance
  but remember, it will be you leading the way.
  it has been a pleasure meeting you,
  I will read a story to wake you.”
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