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I like the dark, I like the cold,
Away from life that makes me old,
To stop and ponder what should be,
And escape the life that's crippling me.

I like to sit out in the rain,
The splosh of droplets, relieve the strain,
This crash of water, the growing puddles,
Oft clear my mind, and all it's muddles.

To sit and feel the pelt of hail,
That crisp, sharp sting and blast of gale,
The swirling wind, no sounds of man,
Here I can work out who I am.

I want some time from behind the mask,
I do not think that's much to ask?
I like to get away from it all,
For chance to be the real Paul.

Working out which path to follow,
To stop me feeling empty, hollow,
Where to go, to do what next?
This age old problem leaves me vexed!

From within my soul I feel its growl,
It's evil, demented, cavernous howl,
It's mere presence chills to the bone,
This demon follows, wherever I roam.

Controlling thoughts, fuelling fears,
Crippling ambition, driving tears,
My plans to go forward, it brings to a halt,
As everything in life, is always my fault.

My future remains lost in the haze,
Living with this darkness for all my days,
All that remains, is my epilogue,
I'm living with the big black dog!*

© Cinco Espiritus Creation
2016
I smoke **** just like you.
Money gives me greed just like you.
******* makes me wonder just like you.
My parents kicked me out when i was 17 just like you.
I died inside when i turned 13 just like you.
I saw life for what it was a 7 just like you.
I want to die everyday just like you.
I think about killing myself just ljke you.
I don't like money just like you.
I love the moon just like you.
I love the idea of love just like you.
Most important im not alone, just like you.
For everyone younger than my 23 years that's ready to go i feel your pain.
Someday I'll have good news to share.
I'm sorry that I only tell
the parts of me I want to tear
away and send to burn in hell.

My life is a bit complex--
work and school and family
pull at me, and make me vex
my friendships and my ministry.

My body is shutting down;
I can't keep up with myself.
Sorry that I always frown
when my heart comes off the shelf.

Trust me: I want nothing more
than to be a better me
but I'm still a bit unsure
what the end result would be.

I just want to share my heart,
to share what I keep inside
but, for now, I cannot start
until in peace I will reside.

I can't give what I don't have
(it's quite sad, but it is true)
I can't split myself in half
while my parts are still askew.

Yes, I want to love you well,
but I'm not in a good place
to seek what makes my heart swell--
I'd be lying to your face.

This life isn't permanent--
I am still transitioning
into whomever I'm meant
to be living as, freely.
I'm not sure when I started titling my songs like FOB, but I'm not complaining.

I'm drowning in a hole I dug myself into. Change is coming. Life will slow down. But for now, I'm sorry to be such a downer when you ask how my day's been.
 Oct 2017 kyle dionysus
fp
I made friends with the ocean
For she washed away my blues
And washed the tears off my cheeks
And was there to gently kiss my bruise.

I made friends with the stars
For they lit up the darkest of nights
And showed me how to find my way
Through a sea of different sights.

I made friends with the mountains
For they held me strong and tall
And showed me how to feel so big
Yet still remeber I am small.

So as I wander through life,
Until my journey ends
I hope I remember to stop often
And appreciate my friends.
Bjj
Once you put on your gi it's a whole new world. On the mats took away my worries you focus on technique and how to get better. first you warm up so you prevent injuries. Stretching is important since it helps with flexibility especially if you are limited. First you get instruction on how to execute moves form is important when learning jujitusu it's not about strength and muscle but finesse and reaction to every action.
If you get the technique down you don't need much torque when performing a submission or choke.
After the lesson you get time for free roll try to use the moves in your roll see if you could apply what you learned in your training make it feel natural. Sometimes you tap people and other times you get tapped. It's give and take doing jujitsu you learn and gain from the experience.
When you get a stripe you feel accomplished all your hard work paid off and you are constantly growing staying humble. That world carries over you become a better person and feel better about yourself.
 Oct 2017 kyle dionysus
hami
Never trust a person
if he said that he'll took
the stars and moon for you—
you deserve his universe
not his syrupy metaphors.
Third Poem <3 Hope you'll like it!
We are fine.
Yes we are ****** up
Insecure
Neurotic
And emotional;
But, we are fine.
I am because I love you.
I am because I found someone
Someone who has this beautiful smile,
These soulful eyes,
Who makes me feel alive.
I am fine because I know—
Deep down in my soul—
That I will always have this
Kind
Sweet
Loving
Incredible
Man in my life.
No matter what.
That makes me fine.
And you should know
I will always love you
In this very special way
One I can’t begin to explain.
I will always care
Always be here
For wonderful, beautiful you.
So, yes. We can be
****** up
Insecure
Neurotic
And emotional
And cupid may be a *******
But I know we will be fine.
I'll do all sorts of devilish activity
I'll play
I'll touch
I'll explore and discover
And eat and worship
I'll ****** and grab and pull
I'll ******
I'll lick and bite
I'll whisper
I'll be gentle
And then strong
I'll be deliberate
I'll be firm and then relent
I'll love and I'll Lust
I'll teach and I'll learn and I'll give and I'll take
All that I have will be yours if you do the same
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