the minute i felt the gentle breeze brushing against my skin from between the dusty rocks, i fell into a daze
a dream almost,
the dream where that one thing you desperately needed was in your between your fingers, begging, just aching for you to capture it
and the minute you close your fist to hold it, it vanishes - like a cloud of smoke
you awake, and all that is left is a fist clutching the sheets
gone before you could comprehend what it was

maybe it was a feeling, maybe it was the dripping beauty that saturated my thoughts every time my eyes fluttered open,
almost as if my mind didn't believe we were still there
believed that we were still dreaming

and maybe, maybe it was the idea that this was a single place in the world where i would never feel sadness.
maybe i was in love with the idea that the beauty and soft purple flowers growing out of dust could heal my worried and tired soul

when the desert sun rose on that Thursday spring morning, i brushed my teeth, and shrugged on the same shorts i had worn the entirety of the road trip
bell rock was the hike we would make
red powder built on my shoes as the wind pushed my sticky bangs around my forehead, and i stopped to look at the names, intitals and hearts scratched into the rock,
i thought about how proud the rocks must be, for people carved the letters of their name into them, just hoping, praying that a place this beautiful would remember them;
i thought, maybe they hoped that the part of them that carved their name along with their lovers would always be stuck in Sedona, smack dab in the middle of that lone desert paradise
while sitting on the top of bell rock, the red stone underneath me, cold and raw on my bare thighs
i felt the rocks speak
they told me, "do not be afraid, for i have been here before souls were poured into humans, i have lived long before you and i will live long after you, my dear; do not be afraid"

the mountains have eyes, i can sense it
they feel every snowflake wet,
and every hiking shoe dry,
loving, and embracing the beautiful home they created
and as for me, well, i wanted to be one too
i wanted to stand, and listen to the hum of the buzzing highway below,
and the hawks in the sky above
in the cool air of the desert
for the rest of eternity

called, "when I am dead"

and what came to mind, while
pecking away

were thatched roof cottages, hedgerows
all along a cliff,

and waves below whipping against
earth's spine

farther out were great swells
and black ships foundering

sea serpents were darting through
the green depths

this spectacle was silent, the screaming
men, the crashing waves

even the charcoal sky, threaded with a
thousand bolts of lightning

birthed no thunder, though I didn't
wonder why

I was supposed to among the dead
where vibrations abound

though none pound against
eardrums

such silence, I was told, was tantamount
to solace

but men were drowning, and fires leapt
across the waters

and no passage led up the cliffs to home
and sanctuary from this terrific tempest

You,
Sit alone in your room
Head in hands in the gloom,
Your
Caring gone
And the will to live on,  
CEASED...
It's time to leave.

You tried to believe
Yes, you tried to believe,
In Love,
But,
Now you feel deceived.

For a long time it's been
This way
For you -
No rays of sunlight in your life!
Any joy is marred
By the sorrow in your heart
And,
No solace could  be sought anywhere.
But,
You tried to believe
Yes, you tried too believe,
In Love,
But,
Now
You feel deceived...

You, didn't want it this way -
To hate life!
Loose faith!
Feel
Betrayed!
You
Are
One
Of the many, many more
Who struggle hard to live each day
That
Comes their way.

Finally...

You,
Repose serene
In
Your room
On a unmade bed.

Outside,
LIFE
Carries on
As
Still
Lies
Your pallid form
Devoid
Of motion,
Thought
And pain...
Yes,
YOU
Tried to believe
Yes,
Tried to believe
BUT
LOVE
No more
Could you you see...

So,
YOU
Chose to leave.

You didn't listen to Stevie at dinner when she told you,
" now here you go again you say, you want your freedom"
Well, who am I to keep to down?
Sign your record deals
You didn't let my long sleep last
It was warm
and
blue rose buds
The hopscotch grid faded
with falling rain
lightening,
Your hands were water
in the desert
And I,
I need the cicadas
The green things
quiet
Black breezes
Blue roses
And cicadas
My tears
are
******* and whisky
You,
are the infections
of the
Uninsured
And trump is
King
Die now
if you've any sense
But never forget
The blue roses
And
Black breezes...

The sigh of the wind
doesn't stop
between the branches of the pine
made wet by the sky
and still the birds sing
because winter is far away
and they know that the sun
will soon come back.
I sit and wait
on the hardened sand
for the scent of the sea
to slowly rise
while around the boats
with the reflections of the light
dance and tell
symphonies of Spring.

in the inner self absorbed world that is mine
someone comes along.
says something
or does something
and the army comes
and fights till the someone is dead
then the army leaves
and.
and.
and then?
i guess it happens all over again.

Never say that you cannot
Always be willing to give it a try
Believe that you can
Continue on before the water runs dry
Take things one step at a time
You can rewrite history
The harder the battle may seem
The sweeter is the victory