sometimes i have to breathe in,
and breathe out,
so i can remind myself not
to doubt
my existence
so i can remind myself of
the distance
between my room and my
mother's
so i can remind myself to not give her another
gray hair
so i can remind myself that
someone out there
probably does care
so that i can remind myself that
i matter,
though my heart
may shatter
and the art
within me probably
won't matter
sometimes i have to breathe in,
and breathe out,
so i can remind myself that i am alive
and that i can survive.

since when did being sad,
become beautiful?*
since when did tears,
become beautiful?
since when did cuts,
become beautiful?
since when did mental illnesses
become beautiful?
Since when did depression
become beautiful?
when did all of this become, beautiful?
no.
i want you to think that when i smile, and when i am happy is beautiful.
i want you to think that when i laugh, it is beautiful.
i want you to think that when my hair dances with the wind that it is beautiful.
I want you to think that when my eyes reflect the moon, that that is beautiful.
Sadness, pain, and everything does not define my beauty.
It should be my happiness that does, *shouldn't it?

I could hear her laughing
On the other side of the darkness
The echoes resonate in my ear
I float there like a carcass
Unable to produce an explanation
There's a certain sharpness
'Where's it coming from?'
I grab my ears like a harness
Pulling at it like a parachute.

I could hear her laughing
On the other side of the darkness
She takes the easy path in
Leaving me in an utter dark mess.
I could hear her laughing
The constant laughing like a kid
Wind escaping me, gasping,
She is a saucepan without a lid
Constant reverberations of laughter
Maybe she came to find her happiness
Her happily ever after.

I could hear her laughing
On the other side of the darkness
And I reciprocate with laughter
Nestling in between my parka .

I held onto his
small fragile body,
like he was my
own.
I cried because of
how beautiful life
can be.
I cried because of
how precious he
was in my arms,
I was literally
holding someone's
life in my hands.
I cried because of
how scared I was
to have him
brought into this
world,
scared because I
wanted to always
protect him,
scared because I
wanted him to
always be safe,
to have the happy
life he deserves.
As his little hand
grasped my pinky
finger,
A tear rolled down
my cheek and I
whispered, "i love  you
and I'm never going to
leave you."

when i was young
i had so much time
time to play the fool
and time to be so cool
when i was young
i could well afford
a few misses along the way
time was on my side
and comeuppance was new terrain
when i was young
i knew everything about anything
and the world was young like me