One of those days where everything is too much
you feel the weight of everyone's expression
words and emotions drag you down
suffocating your fight
every sentence slowly drains you
every light is too bright
noise piercing your every cell to the core
the sky begins to fall on you
gravity against you
your body is dragged down
the pressure is too much to bare
the world weighing down your mind
your mind weighing down the world
the ache for silence
the need to be alone
the anchor of life's energy attached to you
the demand of everything needing to be felt
the prison of forced empathy
one of those days where you feel everything

I fear living for someone
centring someone in my universe
I fear not not wanting to be alone
constant noise in my silence
I fear wasting my time on someone
putting my life on hold for them to leave
I fear a lifetime of small talk
being a product of their routines and races
I fear not finding belonging
not being in control
I fear the prison of my mind
never finding the person I don't fear with
I fear not being special in the insignificance
never being not afraid to be vulnerable
I fear only existing

It's all a haze
a frustrating haze
feeling too much
thinking so deeply
I see the outside life
the routine
the race
a bystander watching
the life we're all abosrbed into
I can't explain
I can't put into words
It's too big
too complex for the limit of our vocabulary
I'm left here in a haze
looking for the words
truth will never just be there
hidden
behind the focus we are taught to see
I'm trying to see
It's all a haze

a stare to get what you want
a gaze that manipulates
a seduction that will always leave you wanting more
a demon dressed as a daydream
evil disguised as elegance
Red will win everytime
it will entice you
play with you
control you
pierce your soul
you will never understand red
it will dominate you
a fire you can't help but fall into
Red bites your lips with only the eyes
a confidence you wish you had
Red will get you everytime

On one hand,
You're seeping in
To the most delicate
And untouched parts of my soul,

On the other,
My organs inside
Are like dry rough bark
Anyone who comes near
Is sent away with scratches on their heart,

I want to feel my whole insides become wet,
capable of unconditional love,
But I fear myself.

Many men have tried
to roll like sweet honey into my heart

Once my drunkeness has worn off
Or the initial thrill has dimmed
I scrape them off like a bug from my shoe.

When you look at me it is different,
When you look,
I can feel you seeing inside my soul in a way I can't hide,
Still I try.

I have no abandonment issues,
Or low self esteem,

I am just truly and simply a bird
When I see a cage
I become concerned.