Once a little sister
having all the
attention
having a big brother
always having him teach
her how to be
the best at everything
always having someone to look up to

Now a big sister
taking the backseat
teaching her little sister
that life happens
when you least expect it

She misses being the baby
she misses her big brother
she misses her role model

She has to be the strong one now

She has to be the role model now.

I'm not amazing
I feel fake
everyone is so
proud
of me
why?
what have I done to
earn their praise

can't you see the real me?

I don't try as hard as I can
I don't give a hundred percent
like you all think

can't you see the real me?

It makes me sick
why aren't I
smart enough  
pretty enough
rich enough
care free enough

can't you see the real me?  

I'm not amazing as you all say.

I could blame
the moon
for taking Conrad
away
after all isn't
the moons
draw enough
to attract any
college student from
their room
but how can you
stay mad
at
the moon
when all it does is
light the
night
sky.

A small grin
turns into
a blush
as he makes
you
smile
from ear to ear
you can't help it
happiness overtakes
you
as your cheeks start to
burn
but you don't
mind
because he's the
one that made
you smile

When I was
young
family was everything
cousins, aunts,
uncles, grandparents
who cared

but every year we grow apart
things come between us
we moved away
my brother died
lives changed
ages differences became
barriers

Cousins who played piggy back
got married and grew up
we weren't invited
Some I have never
known

I'm too
young
everyone has grown up
no one tries to stay in touch

my grandparents have gotten
old and angry.

The sound of the ocean
is like no
other

the waves pounding
the hard sand
set me free from the
world
beyond the beach grass

the taste of salty air
engulfs all my senses

the sand shines like gold
billions of pebbles
make up the ground
like billions of stars
make up the
sky

the water reflects
what is above
so captivating

I never want to
leave

No pink puffy
clouds
no streams of sunlight
no angels
no gates

only you

The only person
I've waited my whole life to meet
You'd run up to me
and give me a hug
that would make up
for a lifetime
of unspokeness

your warm brown eyes
and contagious laugh
would make everything
okay