I've been trying not to push you away
though it seems every time I open my mouth
farther and farther you stray

I ruined someone else for the sake of my own well-being.
and I damaged someone who had already been broken deep down.
I can never take back what I did to him.
and I'm sorry.

the flowers that grew in your hair
while he wasn't there
tell me that change is inevitable
in times of despair
...and time will continue despite his lack of care.

and though it feels like your heart
may never be okay-
remember we were made to bloom,
not stay the same.

even when I think I'm happy, I start to doubt myself; as if my brain is just telling me that I am not allowed to feel content anymore.

why am I so hung up on you to the point where I can barely breathe without you near?

you've engulfed my mind.

I wish you weren't here.

through all this, I've overcome nothing.
with you on my mind but not by my side, and not in my heart where I wish you'd reside
it's all too soon.
too little too late.
I wait for you like a drought awaits a monsoon, and a night time sky awaits a blue moon.
they said you'd be here any day now
but it's been years of tears and hopeless thoughts of you coming back.
it's hopeless...
& you're never coming back.

but honestly I couldn't wrap my head around someone like you falling for someone like me...
so I let you go.

now, I don't mean to sound dependent
I just need somebody to hold me
to distract me from this loneliness that's build a home in my head.

I pretend it doesn't hurt like hell
but I'm holding back tears as they well
in the corner of my eyes,
it's no surprise,
they couldn't care less if I'm dead or alive.

I held you when you needed me,
then I held back tears as you were leaving me.
the greatest difference I found between us apart from the miles,
was the way I kept promises when I looked into your eyes.

And the last remarks you made,
well those were my favorite lies.