We are so much younger
"we know better than that"
is
what we say

I'm in love with another
you are too

I remember you
we had met in school
You remember me
it is serendipity

We say
" we shouldn't head down that path"

When we enter the river
it is calm and flat
We tell each other
with a glance

"we can't".

One foot follows another
and
into that dangerous river
we
take a chance.

We know the river heads
to
a waterfall
and
in the end
we are bound to take us all.

We don't have a choice.

The water is calm
your lips are soft,
floating
gently down that stream
singing
"life is but a dream. "

At any time we should get out.

You won't let me
and
I won't let you.

We've made our choice.

The warm waters
of
our bodies close
puts
us
half asleep
into
a waking dream

we are hearing things.

As
the pace begins to run
I reach for you
the current is picking up speed
lost in the river moment
we were sure we would be
all that we ever need.

The whiteness of the water
is
screaming at me
the currents of our desires
is picking up speed

Red flags are on the shore
Caution Signs
are glowing
in the sun

The rocky cold waters
are
carrying us all the way through

you grab on to me
I grab on to you
there is calmness
before
we are hurling out
of control
once more

to the precipice corner
of
the water's edge

Our eyes lock
you are looking into mine
desire's fears
blind
like the sun in your eyes.

You are letting go of my hand
rolling
to
the side
I'm not sure if you smile

Your feet are falling fast
holding *******
to
the dirt path.

I look down
into
the tumbling waters
straight to the bottom
to
the rocky reflecting dark pools
of
endless
desire, longings and lies

there is no going back.

The
currents unleashed rolling
are
too fast
too strong
for
that.

Closing my eyes
holding my breath
I take
the
dive
as
a matter of fact

I
went
straight back
to
the moment it all begins
when
I flew head long into you
now
I wonder
how often will
I
play this endless loop
through

just like that.

some nights i want to disappear
into the white sheets of a bed
that no longer remembers the scents
of lovers with hurried breaths
and trembling fingertips

other nights i lay awake
looking out of the frosted glass
into the world i'm supposed to be a part of
and i remember what you said to me
that night before you left.

"you're so detached from everything"

i realize now that you loved me
wholeheartedly.
but it was me that was like a broken clock
constantly ticking away at seconds
that had passed eons ago.
i was always the girl that lived
in her fading memories
and i didn't realize how deep
in my own head i was
until the door slammed shut
in your wake.

i realize now that you can't
really love someone
as much as you can miss them.
i'm a shell of the girl you once knew
and i don't blame you for leaving
because if i were in your shoes,
i too, would leave the girl
with hollow eyes
and whispering poetry.

there is no beauty in pain.
i know that now.

Losing Focus.
It happens all the time
Knees deep in a conversation and i forget everything mentioned.
Stress suffocates.
Trying to impress and be confident is always shot down.
I try to be good.
Peer pressure and temptation sedate my morals.
Things I promise I won't do to myself are thrown out carelessly in a weak moment.
At times I can't stand myself.
I should know better but I still give in.
The emptiness that shadows me everyday is starting to feel welcoming.
Maybe it's easier than feeling pain of betrayal or guilt.
Maybe it's better than feeling second best.
I try to have faith, but I've lost my focus.
Slipping away..

I've lost myself.

Is there somewhere..anywhere, far enough from here
that I will be able to escape you

from the dustiest corners of my soul?