I wake up
every morning
or afternoon

With a happiness of 1
on a scale
of 1 to 10

On most nights
if the dice are good to me
I reach an impressive 7

But as sure as Sunday
I fall asleep

Down the ladder
hitting every rung
on along the way

this poem...
is aptly named
for I have nothing to say anymore
perhaps I never did

I just sigh and scratch my scalp a lot

When you begin to wonder
wonder what it all means
that's when it'll get you down
you can't scratch the surface
of purpose

You stumble in the darkness
fumble for the nearest light switch
or anything
a table leg, a television stand
a tigers paw
anything to remind you
that something is there
flesh it out
dry as a bone or
drunk

Life was
and is
a series of letdowns
false starts, faulty brakes
expired milk, premature *******
flat tires, flat chests, flat soda
the world was flat
for awhile

As soon as you stop and think
about Sun, Moon, and Stars
that's when you realize
you're a matchhead
in forest fire
a drop of **** in the vastness of the ocean
nothing more, nothing less
nothing?

Maybe that's the point of it all
a dash of cosmic modesty
you never saw the ants complaining
or the flowers weep,
for very long

Just get out of bed
and put your t-shirt on
one leg at a time

I know where to find you
drunk in the garden
having another existential crisis
conversing with the plastic pink flamingos
they think you're 'hollow'
and that your exterior is too polished
he sees his own reflection when he looks at you

Your youth was made up of  
cringe-worthy hair styles and room temperature beer
with the taste of **** and vinegar
and the prospect of milk and honey
alas, you're 24 now
perfecting the art of escapism
disenchanted, delusional  

You're just clearing your throat
to say nothing at all
ahem
and continuing to romanticize recycled lifestyles
in the name of authenticity

It haunts me in my dreams
And it kills me in my sleep
Oh I am so afraid yes I am so ashamed
What could it all mean
Black scars that run so deep
Transgressions of my past in my heart that I do keep
Yes I am so afraid and forever so ashamed
Does it make me weak to know that
I can't speak your name soft and slow
Without the searing pain of blame
Welling up in my chest, it makes me so **** depressed
Of your name I am afraid
Of our end I am ashamed

The crushing depths below
Suffocating in their innocence
Now it's too late to repent
As I struggle
No breath
Reaching for the surface
And I yearn
For your touch
Just one more time
My eyes affix
On the promise we once shared
But I drown all alone
You are no longer there
Do you know that
I still care
As I die, lack of air

Staring at the silence that you made
The same silence that destroyed you while I was away
And today I heard nothing
Just the screaming of your voice
But that might as well be silence because I didn't have a choice
And the best things are gone only our memories plod along
Singing of all that went wrong in our melancholy songs
Do you know what it's like to dig a hole so deep
That from inside it just looks like a grave?
Do you know what it's like to run out of tears to weep
Because you know you cannot be saved
My life is so ******* depraved, then there's you
The anchor to my chain pulling me down, being blue
I used to swim against it, now there's nothing I can do
But watch it all turn to black as I separate from whats true