Don't think that I've forgotten you
I haven't, and I never will
You haunt my dreams
In quiet moments
When the chaos subsides
Turning corners and rounding bends
As your name remains stuck in my throat

Like a spear dipped in poison

I still think of the good times
And rewrite the fairy tale
That ended before it ever began
Then, I go back to my place on the shelf
Of regrets and Charon's tokens spent
And whisper softly to into the thick, dusty, air
“Never again. I understand, I am a misfit.”

At least it's comfortable here

I've served my purpose
Stated my Creed
Planted seeds that have grown
Into unassailable thoughts and lucid dreams
That one day will bear fruit and give shade
To nourish and protect that sweet soul that I cherish
Should it remain, inside

The image of that beautiful, but crafty, Aquarian

As days blur,
I see the pattern...
Grazing, sealing, purifying.
All that is hideous.
To make it seem beautiful.

I hide,
Behind a mask,
A shell..
A force field.

What seems beautiful,
Isn't true for the beast.

The Beast,
That is hideous.
When she's angry.

So as the pattern lays flat,
These days turn into weeks,
Weeks turn to months.
Months turn to years..

Not a lifeline goes by,
When a monster is involved.

And when it's involved,
It seems the sands of time,
Are frozen still.
Even in the wasteland,
Of Hell..

Secrets locked in me
Secrets like the sea

Secrets deep and blue
Secrets hid from you

Secrets far away
Secrets I can't say

Secrets that swell
Secrets I'll never tell

Secrets you wish you knew
Secrets to not hurt you

Secrets because I can't trust
Secrets because I must

Secrets you don't deserve to know
Secrets that I will never show

Secrets too cold to discuss
Secrets that will hurt both of us

Secrets evil and clever
Secrets sadly forever

With these words in my throat
And a pen in my hand
There's not much else to do,
Except
To spill it all out on here,
Hoping,
Wishing,
Wanting, dare I say,
To gain some semblance of understanding
Of myself

How ridiculous is it,
That I can't even figure myself out in my own head?
Maybe it's because there's too many thoughts flying around,
Pinging around my skull,
Clouding my thoughts

So the only way to understand it all,
Is to throw some of my **** on these pages
And hope some of it sticks

me.gs