Are you out there?
That perfect someone.
Taller than 5 feet
With your disheveled hair
And your imperfect good looks.
I don't mean you pretty boys
I want the beautiful ones
With all the flaws.
Inside and Out.
I love your flaws
Will you love mine?
Do you feel pain
do you embrace it
and let it wrap around you with familiarity?
Are you open or listen to good music?
An avid country music hater.
You are out there
Perfectly Imperfect Boy.
Where are you?
Because I have yet to find you.
So you can kiss me unexpectantly
and make me laugh.
So you can break my walls
Piece by piece
Till I am nothing left but myself.
Come rescue me
On your black horse
In anyway you desire.

I look at you and I smile.
You look at me and you smile.
It makes me happy.
It pushes me to believe in us
More and More each day.
But I look behind me
and I see Her.
Always Her.
Not Me.
I see you in the hallways
Waving someone over.
I take a step and something zooms by.
And it's Her.
Always Her.
Not Me.
Your broken heart cannot heal
without something
And it's Me.
Always Me.
Not Her.
When you are ready to love again
It's Her.
When you love with all you heart
It's Her.
But when you are hurt and heartbroken
Looking for a shoulder to cry upon.
When you look for something to use
time and time again
Only to throw away like nothing
time and time again
Why can't it be Her?
I think it might be Me you love-
But it's her.
Not me.
Always Her.
Not.
Me.

I wanna crawl into bed
I want to slam the door
I just want to forget this crap
And think of it no more
I wanna throw my books across
The room and tear the page
I want to burn these memories
The pictures, they will fade

I
Need
Help

I
Need
Peace

I need
Sal
Vation

And I need
Re
Lease

I wanna break right through these walls
Get to the other side
Aaa Get rid of these demons now
They're ripping through my hide!

[all stop]

Ow

Get rid of these whips!
Get rid of these knives!
Get rid of these demons,
They are ripping through my hide!
Get rid of this pain!
Get rid of this rage!
I wanna end this crap right now
Come on, lets turn the page!

Come on, turn the page!
Come on, turn the page!
Come on!
Turn
The
Page

[End]

A cheap shot
Kicked where it hurts
Is exactly what this feels like
Stabbed in the back
And in the front
Images that make me see red
To forget and forgive
I'm so angry
But I can't let it out
Don't want to hurt those who I care
About
I don't know who I blame
Maybe myself
I'll put these feelings away on the shelf
In some drawer
Lose them
And try to be selfless

I've never been attracted to girls, no, not me.
I've never wanted to kiss a girl --
The kiss on the cheek I gave my best friend in kindergarten doesn't count...

But I wanted to kiss you and that scared me.

We were just sitting with our friends at lunch when you sat next to me.

You said,
"Hi!"

I said,
"What's up?"

You just shrugged and pursed your lips,
"Nothing much."

My mind shut off for a minute.

I traced your lips with my eyes.
My God, you want to kiss her!
They looked soft, covered in pink lipstick.
You want to know what they feel like under yours!
They were perfect, really.
Where did THAT come from?!
At first, I thought I was simply noticing.
Far more than noticing, don't ya think?!

But then again, I don't notice everyone's lips...

My mind rebooted like a computer hard drive.

I lamely replied,
"Yeah, same here."

I hear about it
Whatever
We talk about it
I can relax
You obsess about it
I can control myself
I see it
...
Red.

Stories on the tips of their tongues,
drool off like dobermans
slobbering over fresh meat.
Eyes like vultures for all the obvious reasons.
I tore my liver out and threw it on the table,
just to test the waters. Went swimmingly.
Better hang in there kid.
Better luck next time.

When I look at you,
I do not see a *****
I see someone I adore
Someone who is beautiful, sweet, and kind
The imperfections I do not mind

When I look at you,
I see you are faiding away
Into a state of decay
And yet still beautiful and sweet
But fighting something you cannot defeat

When I look at you,
I see someone who has been hurt from the beginning
And someone who's love of life is dwindling
I don't care, I will be there
Through think and thin
I will be there to lift up your chin
I am going to be there for you
There are things I wish you knew

When I look at you,
I see someone I love
I will be there;
Until you can fly free like a dove

Everyone seems more eager to
tell you that you're wrong,
-ahem, incorrect,-
than to actually enjoy what
you've said anymore.
So, **** it, tell more lies.
As you stumbled in,
I was sifting through these
texts and letters
because I have a key,
but no lock,
and you can't have all the answers
if there isn't any question.

I dreamt that you died.
I awoke alone.