i just want to disappear
get a chance to eat the warming scones from the oven
and just melt away in stars and sky of navy and grey;
i just want to disappear
to fly and to leave anywhere i want or desire or dream;
i'm dreaming of melting away from where i am
for i am floating already,
why can't i just disintegrate altogether;
altogether
yes a distant memory;
forever alone isn't something you would think of until
it actually happens;
although it's not something you realize unless you've
tried love and
and been scared, afraid of what the
person on the other end of the letters is thinking;
i just want to disappear
far away into the hands of someone who cares
not just about my picture but my pulse,
someone who looks not just at my eyes but at each
individual colouring strand inside
my plain brown eyes;
i just want to disappear so no one will have to face
my retched thoughts and unattainable dreams;
i just want to disappear so my friends won't have
to look at a scared
                            pathetic
                     ­              unhappy
                                          awkward
lonely person and have sympathy for me if they even do;
which if i were on the outside of my slinky body
i wouldn't;
i wouldn't just want to leave but disappear for it
seems that it's what i'm best at;
i just want to disappear
from my picturesque world that you couldn't
even take a nice picture in;
i just want to disappear
from my ocean of held back tear,
my shield of fearlessness,
a fake smile that a murderer would wear,
the impression i have on the other lives of people,
and just
i just
want to disappear,
to run away,
and to not have to cause any drama or half broken feelings to anyone,
to not correct people for their non-existent flaws that are really
my own
personal balled up feelings;
i just want to disappear,
fly away into the clouds and heavens of an unreal dream;

i just want to,

i just want to disappear,

disappear

away

fly away

and never come back
never have my flimsy feet touch the beautiful ground
never let my ruined soul harm a single cell of
anyone worth anything to a single thing;
i just want to disappear
i just want to disappea
i just want to disap
i just want
i just
i






- nameless and remaining

surrealism
a reality that is augmented, in some way bizarre
out of place but comprehensible
momentarily you're laughing in a chapter of a novel,
sipping wine in a short film,
dancing with your loved one through your imagination
somehow you see the world from such a distance, from the outside
and
in that split second of 'what the hell am I doing'

you just have to smile and move on.

have you ever felt completely lost in your own story.

almost as if you are standing in the middle of a dark patch of woods,
not know which way to go or how you even got there.

like you know what you are supposed to do but you have no idea how to do it.

feel out of place when you are the one who placed yourself there, and just thought, who have i become.

who's shoes have i walked in to get here. lost here.

seeing through your eyes yet it's like you've been blindfolded and someone else has been guiding you along this whole time.

you hear people the same as always but you start to question who they are and most importantly who they are to you because behind the familiar face is someone who you feel expects you to decide and make decisions on choices you've never seen or even felt before.

lost in these woods you just stare at different trees and look up to the not even full glowing moon and just stare. not knowing what happened, what is happening or what is going to happen.

lost

i’ve fallen in love
in the most wonderful, perfect and loving way with the person that simply lights up my soul
he just makes me happy in ways that i’ve never felt before i met him

but he doesn’t love me back
it’s unrequited love
how tragically romantic
he’s always confused and i know that he’s just saying that because he feels bad and I can’t do anything about that at all

there’s no way to change how another person feels
and I, in some way, just have to accept my fate that I will have to go through a heartbreak to slowly and surely let him go
that’s just a way of life.

but all the nights, all the days, all the memories that I’ve truly lived through, that I’ve grown through, they can’t just go away
someone can’t just fall out of love