What comes from this feeling?
This feeling of remorse, this feeling of hate,
This feeling that I can't dictate.
In a second, I feel my happiness leave
As a rush of anger clouds my relief.
In an hour, I feel my anger dissipate
As a wave of sadness arrives to congregate.
I don't even believe I have a personality
For all I can tell is I am a breaking anomaly
With emotions that stir like a hurricane
And wrap around me like cellophane.
What comes from this feeling?
I do not know, but all I can say is
I hope, one, day, I encounter true bliss.

My life
is made up of
interesting lives.
People that seem
to always be in
motion, doing
and experiencing life
and all that it offers.
I merely sit and observe
from behind the railings,
Yearning to join in,
But having not the courage
That would be needed to
Step away from my life
Into the one I wish I had.

I find myself trying to speak
The words I myself find to be meek
Your presence brings a sense of happiness
To a world full of ugliness
Your life shines with fulfillment
In a world with so little enjoyment
These words I try to find
Are formed in my mind
But are never spoken
For their formation hold naught but a token
A token of appreciation
For your reconciliation
These words I try to find
I hope to God are worthy of your time
When all my words do to accomplish
Are a sense of unworthy abolish
To a rather revealing relation
That was never a creation

What if I were a better friend to you?
Would you still talk to me today
Or would things remain the same?
What if I were a better lover to you?
Would you still be in my arms
Or would you still have fallen for his charms?
What if I were a better son to you?
Would you still care for me
Or would I be but a distant memory?
What if I weren't alive?
Would people miss my presence
Or would people not even notice my absence?
I just don't know...

Your eyes, bringing despise, continue to pierce me
With their glowing incompetence
And fluttering instances of jealousy.
Your thoughts continue to reach me
With their condescending demeanors
That strike with utter prosperity.
Your hatred continues to elude me
With its striking usage
And power that proves deadly.

Once, just once, I know you can only wish
To wrap your hands around my neck
And squeeze until my breath has been abolish'd.
Once, just once, I know you can only pretend
To plunge the pencil into my chest
And apply pressure until my beating comes to an end.
Once, just once, I know you want to violate me
And, once, just once, I may allow
Your reaching desires to overpower me
Once, just once, I will see your anger
As you wrap your hands around me and decree,
"I'm only putting us out of our misery."

I saw you yesterday, in the same place where you and I would talk
And I saw you today, in the hallway, looking in the opposite direction
I saw you yesterday, under the same tree where you and I would meet
And I saw you today, in the classroom, holding the hands of another guy
I saw you yesterday, in the fields where you and I would play
And I saw today, in those same fields, talking to your new group of friends
I saw myself yesterday, in the house where we would hang out after school
And I saw myself today, in the same house, with no one but my shadow to accompany me