I been writing like a mad man and had my works passport get stamped in multiple countries .

Australia,  Italy , Germany , England, Indiana .

Okay Indiana was more a state run mental institution but I was published there none the less and I liked finger painting graham crackers and crazy women so probs to them.

I mean I didn't want to visit there or anything no offense but im not a big fan off fields and chainsaw art .

I stayed busy flask in pocket and my mind constantly towards the page .

I had gained respect but still I always found my way home .

For better or worse Hello has been the house that me and few other writers built I was here from day one i'm the flaw you just can't hide .

Everyone's favorite black sheep and all around lovable train wreck.

My place was permanent .

Like me or hate me you couldn't ignore me .
Well you could try but I usually won people over or annoyed them to the point of blocking me and joining the witness relocation program but enough about my past relationships .

I was taking some time off from three months straight of chasing publication.

I posted a write at this place I called home for so many years .
It was solid as a brick **** house .

Then some kid posted a write that was total **** but had a pic of her cleavage in the restroom mirror .

It trended in two seconds had a bunch of ***** ******* telling lies in vague hopes to see more .

I knew the ship wasn't sinking it long since met its demise on the icy dark oceans floor .

You just can't compete with *******.

I set my sails to the closest port .
I would share some drinks and maybe see some familiar faces .

I believe a pirate is better suited to roam than be food for the ***** .

My future is in the wind not lost within the depths .

Stay crazy hope are ships pass in the night .

And if ever we find ourselves in the same port .
First rounds on you .

Never sit and wait for decay on any level will consume you .

Stay crazy

Gonz

I had finally broke through on a small scale the words were selling .
I found less and less reason to find outside jobs to support myself anymore I drank as I pleased and slept in late .

I was amongst a few but we seldom if ever crossed paths .
We knew we existed but when you step from the playground to the battlefield there is a change that comes over you I cannot explain unless you are there .

People became less and less a concern of mine .
Those I gave a **** about had either died or left long ago.
To gain anything you must be willing to lose everything .

The person you once were must die .
Maybe some found it easy .
They scribbled some words down found a fool to publish it and struck gold .

But fairy tales weren't my style and I had reached the finish line empty and broken .
But I had reached the ******* ! , And that is  all that truly matters .

I thought of those that doubted me .
I thought of the women with whom had shared my bed .
Most thought I was insane and for some that is what drew them to me .

That drive was always there .

I remember sitting in the dark with one such woman .

"Even when your happy you seem so deeply sad inside ".
She said to me her head on the pillow .
As we looked into one another's eyes.

"I'm always thinking sweetheart it's just my nature'.

"Please just be happy baby everything is going to work out I promise ".

We kissed she laid her head on my chest and drifted off to sleep as I counted the demons of my past in the shadows .
They lingered like smoke rings in the air.

I knew are paths were destined to part .

Promises are for fool hearted children not bitter old men as I.

She found another and I found my place amongst those who grasped what few ever could .

We were guarded to others .
Insane to many for we chased a illusion and turned it into our existence .

It was a scene of emptiness and regrets we erased from the simple readers view .
And as for me I bleed the truths of my past upon every page making it seem like art fooling everyone but myself.

It was a fight to remain afloat yet I swam with the sharks and thrived amongst the few .  

I gave up everything that ever mattered to me.
And was a stranger now to even my oldest friends .

We were are killers for we had stepped on anyone who dared get in the way .
Never believe me to be the victim for I made my choices and now
I sit at the table eager to reap its rewards .

It's never a gift it's work plain and simple .
You clock in bleed your soul and bust your *** .
learn to smile at rejections and keep moving no matter how many times they try to break you.

What was once a child's escape is now a fulltime hell.
And I paid my dues in blood and heartache followed by vices that continue to consume me daily .

When you find yourself here, If this is truly for you remember as you ache from the pains of a life lived and a heart shattered not to mention a mind just a shock treatment away from the asylum .

You wanted this.

The view is never the same from murders row  .

Don't ever believe a night to be nothing more than another days passing and a new ones birth.

I have shed the remorse now nothing stands between me and every goal that will **** the past and me just the same.


Don't breathe in delusion just to expel ******* mixed with hope .
Take the ride and embrace the night for what  it is and everything it can never be .

There is nothing beyond the moment.

My road is always meant to be faced alone .

And I cannot be anything beyond the moment when death is the only promise I can be reassured of.

Sometimes a harsh truth beats the best well intended lie.

And a kiss goodbye suits the story far better than a slow demise .

Never hang your hopes in a good time .

Passion is a fire that burns to get you through a single night at best.


Truth suits me far better .
Be bad in the best way sweetheart.


Cheers .

It was years ago , A fellow writer who felt it was there duty in life to judge others wrote me.

Dear John

I have read a few of your works and believe someone needs to tell you to save you the embarrassment .

Your antics are not talent your
words are muddled at best .
And your gutter sense of humor is childish and truly a embarrassment to us serious writers.

You should probably seek out a workshop or look to your fellow writers for some tips or maybe just stop writing altogether .

I read the message and laughed .
I have over thirty works in publication and far more on the way .

Opinions are like *******.

And to that writer I shall leave unnamed .

Who's words fall flat on the sidewalk like a **** from a mongrel dogs ***.

Hope your doing well.
I never listened then and I **** sure am not listening now.

When you hand out advice you better make **** sure your standing on solid ground before you cast a opinion

Keep writing is all I can tell you .

Through the rejections and the people that tell you to give up .

You will pass them all by eventually.

******* are not a dying breed.

Cheers

Gonz

I seldom need people and being they are seldom around it sort of balances itself out .

Friendships are like flowers they take to much care to keep them alive.

As for me.
I'm a cactus a total ***** .

I hung on her laughter my bad jokes kind of filled the void between us.
Like a fog of ciggertte smoke that cast its illusion over the room I sat as we spoke over the phone.

My drinks flowed and my words slurred .
She hung on the line.
The best kind always do.

It was the simple flirts that keep the soul young and the liver well its a sad customer to begin with on my side.

I imagined are time together in person.
And she shook her head , Wondering was there more beyond the train wreck of a person on the other end of the line.


I poured another .

"You should probably slow down don't you think?'

"Yeah probably but with company like your's sweetheart who would ever want the night to end".

She laughed .
"Your so full of **** ".

"Tell me something I don't know sweetheart".

Even when I was drunk I was a first class ******* artist.
And a grade a smart ***.

I kept her laughing and although she would't admit she was having fun.

She was tired though and me I  was a night owl besides I was never eager to face the silence of a long night ahead.

"I'm so tired lets go to bed"
She said half asleep not realizing the words she had spoken.

"Why darling I thought you'd never ask "

She busted up laughing .
"You know what I meant good Lord your just gonna have a heyday with that one aren't you"?

"Oh now sweetheart would I ever give you **** bout a simple slip like that"?

"You ****** I bet you write about me saying that you watch"

I pretended to be mildly insulted joking the whole time.

"Me exploit something said in the  privacy of are personal conversation darling"

"I'm shocked you would ever think I could sink so low ".

"Goodnight John".

She said said as she hung up the phone and the warmth I felt just turned a tad bit colder as I faced yet the rest of my night alone.


Be careful what you say to writers.
The red light in my minds always recording.

And this rose is for you my dear.

Sincerely your favorite fiend

John

Often as adults we question everything where children care blindly without remorse .

The jaded no longer control the meek and we all find our own way somewhere in between.

Nobody has the answers , just a few are far more gifted at selling lies as answers .

We are strangers locked within the same tomb.

Castaways from are truths so we covered ourselves from their lies .

Lost within and somehow standing beside others we have little hope for.

Do we settle for the comfort or embrace the truth to understand all with little to show .

So close even the rejection can be sensed without a word spoken between.


Manipulation with ***** fingernails and dry tears cease to effect the outer shell anymore.

Numb and faded by the games that are played finding that hiding is the best we can do.

Fear of;  the unknown rapes my senses to the point of slamming all doors while painting lamb's blood across the entry.

Hence casting away all menacing shadows of past demons.

This isn't a life, but in being spent, broken, and abused I simply can't afford more than hiding.

Can you?