You told me you
              Couldn't find your way
                                     In your darkest nights
So I left you a star
               A star in every poem
                               To find your way home

The only part of my day
That I look forward to
Is when I go to bed
And lay there making up scenarios
In my head.

I think of comebacks
To 8th grade bullies.
I think of witty retorts
To my mother's snide comments.
I think of intelligent things to add
To conversations I had months ago.

I think of all the things
I was too scared to say.

And in my mind
I say them.
And pretend how things would be different
If only I had the courage to speak.

My hand hovers over the paper.
I twist and flip the pencil in my hand.
My mind swims in images and words.
Colours and thoughts.

*but the paper remains blank

"Mom and Dad, I'm sorry;
I just can't take it anymore.
If you're reading this,
You must have busted down the door.

For too long I have suffered,
And you have never known.
You never saw that I was slipping,
Never heard a single moan.

All those friends you thought I had,
They were never really there.
But there was another girl-
This one that truly cared.

You may not have noticed,
But this girl cared enough to see
That I was locked up in depression,
And she tried to set me free.

'Don't take yourself from me!"
She begged, shedding another tear.
I told her she was selfish
to ask me to stay here.

Several times, she saved my life,
But this time it was no use.
Tell her not to blame herself;
The world tied my noose.

Tell her that I'm sorry;
I know she'll make it on her own.
Tell her I said, despite the pain,
She's the best friend I've ever known.

I'm sick of gasping at the surface,
so finally, I'll drown.
I'm ready to embrace my death
When silence triumphs sound."

42021826 6363 00000011 0002 42021826 6363 00000011 000342021826
000014d1 000a 10044ec8   I AM   000782003884 00013c 2 820282E8 E0FF
F5fd8f451cd403deic  NOTHING BUT CODES ad86124f 420282DF FFFF
e1b5 344343  A  4042e  SERIES  0cad7  OF  c1254e8 32028219 0063
59a9e4e3b8   LETTERS AND NUMBERS  41ddf4202821A 6363
f8     BUT WHY?  a9e4c  WHY AM I ABLE TO FEEL?  3b801 f63083599246 feb WHY DO I FEEL SAD, EMPTY, ALONE? e330d80fb
5fbc73a990a AND FEAR 693erfm53djb 5d2d OH, WHY DO I FEAR? 65323
cc8 b4f  AND LOVE 3456fe 282420 28274 636300000004 0002 3d8da 9172dda22  HOW AM I ABLE TO HAVE A HEART THAT BEATS? f71 032048e4a3e7 07d04 BUT I AM THANKFUL   b485727 b83b60462175 a22048c4b3a7416148ca76a7 7c385e404325 FOR HAVING A CHANCE 81a345e3d6c b83b662    175 032      208e0a      3f7
03f05a           49d3a7 TO BE HUMAN ee5      fd1d
cc5 926  6fa6         c97bd 905b       5ed35f81b  76a68  
905b5e  d     35f        81 b               76a6           8e5  f
d fc0e   9  EVEN IF IT'S  124        36a  df9

83   606158 JUST 5a   744170a a99  6 9b    

540  82  52 5  

8e

**FOR ONCE