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 Sep 2018 JL Smith
teni
courage.
 Sep 2018 JL Smith
teni
that word
isnt something i have.
i was close
to actually doing it today
but i still get so nervous around you.
so i took it to my phone,
and let her do my ***** work.
its much easier that way.
less stressful and awkward, too.
im glad i did it.
i hope this can be the start
of something better.
i want better.
but if you dont, thats cool i guess. i cant change how you feel about me.
 Sep 2018 JL Smith
moon child
I can't do this anymore.
What kind of life is this?

I'm a secret.
A ***** disgusting
Pointless secret.

Who cares if I whisper this mess
In their ear.
To cup my hands 'round the side of their face
And expose myself to them.

No one wants to hear about the hamster wheel spinning round and round in my head.
The tap tap tap of anxious could be's and angry could have been's.
Disappointment chain smokes out my arteries and throws the simmering cigarette butts into the pit of my stomach.
Hoping to start a flame.
To burn me up.
Inside out.

That's not a pretty story.
Not a fairy tale.
People want happy poems or depressing fables.
Ones that they don't have to look in the eyes afterward.

I have no interest in sharing doubts that gnaw away at my fingertips or the fears that grind my teeth.

Everything is fine
Is fine
Just
Like
This.
Just leave it.
Leave it alone.

It will go away
Or it will **** me yet.
No need.
 Aug 2018 JL Smith
Edmund black
I’ve lived
my entire life
believing that
Home is building
A place where you
get creative with all
your  fancy decorations
your fancy candle chandelier lightings
A place where I can cook
all my fancy gourmet meals
While watching my big fancy television
A place with my fancy four car garages
where I can park my fancy toys
Enter , live  and lock my fancy twelve foot doors
As I spent all my fancy earnings
Then with a snap of my fingers
one morning I got wised up
I realized I was wrong the entire time
Those fancy things aren’t what
truly makes a home at all
I was wrong
I was broke wrong
Home is the space in between
your heart
Home is wherever I’m with you
Home is wherever love
resides , memories are created
like Instagram photos filling up your heart
And where laughter never ends.
It’s 12 a.m. and here we are again.
Tears on your sleeve,
How hard you grieve.
Oh I know all about who you were
And who you are now,
But what really changed?
Fairy tales you were told
Seem different as you get old.
And it’s left you with a longing for
Something more.

It’s 2 a.m and here you are again.
Tears on my sleeve.
How hard you grieve.
But what made you believe
That he was the man of your dreams?

Oh, tell me how you feel.
Lend me your voice tonight.
Whisper it in my ears.
Slow down, slow down.
Just tell me how you deal
With fire all around you.
Paper hearts disappear.
Breathe in, breathe out.
 Aug 2018 JL Smith
Amanda Starr
As the rain hits the ground, a repetitive sound
   Things become clear, when there’s something to fear
Lightning strikes, flashing bright
All I can think, I don’t want to blink
A rumbling noise from up in the clouds
Scary and loud
Powers disarm, eyes widen with alarm screams begin to start
I always do wrong, in the eyes of the strong
A devil comes out, in the dead of the night
She’s not herself, this can’t be right
Still I sit, hit after hit
My eyes are swollen, my lip is split
I go to bed against the wall I place my head
Constantly checking to see
waiting to make sure, I was left be
in the morning I awake, my mind plays tricks
it was a dream, it was fake
upon my mirror I see my face, black and blue is what’s been placed
I turn to her, those eyes of fire, they calmed since last night
I think to myself, I know it’s my fault
The drugs she consumes, the toxins
The fumes
My future is spoken, my home life was broken
What I wouldn’t give, for a life worth to live
But my life’s been forsaken, the good deals are taken
So I sit, remembering hit after hit
And still I stay, to take care
To obey
The golden child disappears
In your eyes, I see your tears
The on that always took care, never got respect
But tare
Remember darlin’ who stayed by your side, and who took off to hide
Who was there to listen, and the one in the back
Purposely missing
Who ran the first chance they got, turned on you when caught
You stole my childhood, my thoughts
But with my life that’s not all I fought
Still I was always there, even when times were hard to bare
Empty stomach, torn heart, If only we could restart
Would you try, or do you like barely getting by
Did you think, when it wasn’t just your life to sink
A normal life is all I wanted, in my dreams my memories haunted
Do you care, with the heart break you share
Trappt to your side I’ll always be, someone who has to take care of thee
But yet trappt or not, your all I got
he boil    
beauty and
wild beast
only to
circle station
here with
rain and
there supplant
Babylon in
quest of
Stephen the
pigeon"s pain
in air
that christianly
will induce
his call
of life
a city of Wyoming
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