Here I am again
Picking up the shattered remains
Of my already falling apart heart
Accidentally slicing a cut on my wrist
With one of the tiny little shards
The pain, such sweet heavenly bliss

It's not that I miss you, cause you were never really mine
It's not that I regret loving you, I'd repeat it every time
But my pain has caused you misery that I'm not sure I fully understand
And the guilt lays think upon you, much more than I ever had planned

It's that I had this single drop of hope,
That my wish to have you
Might actually one day come true
But no, just another impossibility
That I'd find love and truly be happy

It ***** my childish ways and innocence were ripped away at such a young age
The one thing you want more than anything, was the one thing they had to take
And I know it sounds silly, but I hate them more now cause I blame them that I can't have you
My nightmares will come when I finally sleep, unfortunately, waking up is a nightmare too

I guess it's time to change my ways, although I've said this time and time again
This chemistry, that I thought was different, better, was just all imagined in my head
A change of heart, a change of soul, a change of my mind and a lack of passion
So many things I can't change, makes it my fault then. Wouldn't it be easier if I were dead?

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you see?
Momma wants to cry
When you're away from me
I miss your little smile
Your little kisses and laughs
Momma's been sad for awhile
Ever since you left my arms last

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby can't you hear?
Momma just wants to hold you
Forever keep you near
All the winter nights through
I miss your all your tiny little toes
How you're so ticklish everywhere
Momma cries when you leave, everyone knows
Just how much I really care

Rock-a-bye
Rock-a-bye
Baby don't you know,
Momma is lost without you*
Oh! How I miss you so!
Momma just doesn't know what to do
I miss you so much
I know it's hard, please stay tough
My precious little Angel
Momma can't hold you soon enough
But when I do, I'll be eternally grateful


I Love You Baby Boy

There's nothing wrong with you people
There's nothing wrong with anyone (with few exception like criminal tendencies, sorry I overthink a lot of things.)
Why do you all refuse to see that?

it looks so easy on the TV, for
people who are just starting.
their bodies entwine and
it's beautiful.
Everything flows from it
in it,
and of it,
and their souls seem to clasp together
in an unbreakable embrace.
Colors seem brighter
sparks fly
butterflies dance
true-love-at-first-sight.
They go on a date, two dates- it happens then.
A few months and they are living together
two years-and-they're-married.
it happens so fast
and too slow
somehow, they learn to live with each other
two people with complicated souls
who are not alike at all,
somehow,
magically,
kiss.
it's hard for me to grasp-
and I'm not sure I'd be able to,
if I had the chance.

and yet....
    everyday
I   F
       A
           L
         L
    deeper
Into Your Eyes
      Into Your Words
             Into Your Voice
    The feelings my heart.
            and mind
      have created
Leave me very little choice
          I cannot control
   the musings in my soul
        the desperation in my heart
     or the erratic thoughts in my mind
           That keep tearing at my insides
      Making me want to fall apart
                perfection
                         =
                      you
      Especially, in regards to me
I just wish you could see
          I know I sound crazy
     But, sometimes we just can't help
            how we feel
       It's too much to ask of you
   But I'm a fan of the truth
          and I know these emotions
      that I'm trying to conceal
          desire
               chemistry
                      love
        they're all real
  I tried and tried and tried
         but I just can't control
            what's deep in my soul
     and how my heart feels...


Just thought you should know...

Heart pounding,
   Through the night
She knows the darkness well
     Been blinded by the light
And dragged through hell

Soul crushing,
   Through the days
She knows the pain never ends
     Been sliced open, fogged and dazed
And the voices in her head,
Have become her only friends

Head throbbing
   Through the dreams
She knows the sound of silence not
     Been left wounded, no one to hear her screams
And tortured by the presence of one single thought

Death knocking
   Through the silence
She knows he'll keep waiting, just like before
     Been failing at keeping up her defence
And this time, she simply opens the **door