You were my prep school *******

A mirage shimmers over
White and blinding white
And it shimmers
It floats
And the bird
Blue
It shimmers
Crunch and snap and crunch and the blinding
And the grass
My legs
Cutting
Balancing
It’s a balancing act
And the mulberry tree
And the humming
The purr
The song
The cry
The tightness in my throat
The sweat on my back
And the blinding

You're like ambient snow
And the background thrum of heartache

Just give me a moment to **** off the last of the butterflies
That took up residency in my stomach the first time I saw you

I want you to pull my ribs apart
Softy
Gently
And ****** the air out of my lungs
To hold me
Quivering
Suspended above the earth

She was right
We were in some boys house
Soaking up the sun and melting into his couch
Or his lap
She tilted her head back and laughed at me
She said she was worried about me
She said that she was worried that i’d never been kissed
That the first time someone put their lip on my neck i’d fall apart
And i laughed to
At the idea that someone would want to press their lips to my pulse
And make it quicken
But when you pressed your mouth there
I understood
Because i did come apart
I broke into a million pieces
My seams loosened themselves
Until the patchwork scraps of my body fell away
I was solid
Liquid
Gas
Plasma
Swirling away
Dissolving into the air
And then your hands brought me back
And i was so in present
She was right
And i was so happy she had been
Because nothing has ever felt so good
As being pulled apart and put back together

Is it cruel that i want to do to you what every boy has done to me
I want to crush you
I want to make your heart ache
I want you to drag yourself across the floor to kiss my knees
My knees because you’ll be so heavy with love
That you can’t bring your lips any higher
But you’ll want to
My god you’ll want to

walk with me
hand and hand
across the moon
let’s leave our tracks in the dust
let’s
walk in circles and circles
and
curl our lips against the sky
and
burn our young tongues on the stars

there’s poetry in the bruises on your knuckles and the quiver of your lips

Bodies move to an unheard cosmic groove

We all squeezed into the trunk
My hipbone pressed against yours
You looked down at the photo on your phone
And a soft lock of hair fell over your forehead
I wanted to push my hands into your hood and through your curls

The air was full of our laughter and bass-heavy music
And camera flashes and the smell of teakwood
Our feet dragged easily over the wet pavement
Pushing away orange leaves and awkwardness

Today I am having a Day
And not in a very good way
My skin's breaking out
I might just drop-out
**** my life, I'm hitting the hay

I want you to love me
I want you to touch my skin
I want you to feel how soft it is
How warm
How it smells like me
Like cotton and perfume and desperation
I want you to breath me in
I want you to bottle me up
To take fistfuls of my hair
To take fistfuls of me
And love them
Even though I don’t love me
Even though
I want you to burn up with love
And melt me
Distill me
And make me better