little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

I cannot help but stare when I see you
I cannot stare and hope that one day you will invest
In me as much as I do in you
I cannot hope but wish that you will notice how I cannot
Stop talking about you
When you're not there
To myself alone
I cannot stop talking but I keep my chest tied shut
In the awaking hours that you see how cut up it is in there
I cannot keep myself standing but only do to prevent you from a fall
One that I don’t think you can handle
And I will cradle your needs even when
Mine feels like a heavy brick
Already sitting upon
An asthmatic chest
I cannot breathe from the dust covering the bed we used to live in
But I do.

.....I will smother you with love.    
hang you with pride riddle your life
           with with bullets of art.

   I will drown you in bliss. Burry
you in everlasting kisses and throw  
         you into the well of your
                          wishes.

              At the end I will reap
    you with hope and **** you with
                 joy as you rejoice.

you offered me food and
got angry at me for declining
and you thought you were
helping by forcing me to
eat in public places and
laughing when i couldn't
and you thought you were
a riot when you were
making hundreds of
weight jokes but truth
be told i was never worse
than when i endured the
months of torture i did
when i called myself
*yours