Every time I see a new message from him
He's hurt me far too many times
And he always leaves me broken
We keep growing
And surviving
And yet we always run right back to one another
I don't want a relationship with him
I looked my kid in the eye and told her
"I wouldn't"
When she asked if I'd give Cole
A million more opportunities if
He came running back and apologized
Telling me I'm the only girl he's ever loved
And I hope I meant it
Because he's gone and done it
I miss him a lot these days
But we all know he isn't good for me
And there's Evan! Evan,
The man that without fail makes me laugh
And smile
And encourages me to grow
I don't feel weight when I talk to Evan
But this history with Cole is too much to ignore
.
.
.
I think I need to date myself for a while

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

The world stands
Still so that our
Responses will
Propel us forward

its late and i know
you probably
wont get this untill
the morning.

but i have to tell you
ive always
wanted to tell you

how i felt
to have you
next to me in my bed
holding me tight
pressed close to my
body

but i didnt know how
but i felt
light having you
there
holding me
touching me
kissing me

but now thats all gone
but i wish it
wasnt
because i dont just
miss you
i miss your touch

Obsession takes hold of my mind
Never know what you'll find
If you would be so kind
Make sure to leave it behind
Nobody wants to live in chains
But just being free what will I gain?
Never walk this road alone
Promise me you will always stay
I give myself away
Or whatever is left of me
Don't want to go
back to that cold place
But what I would do for one last taste
Just one more time I'll always chase
Will I ever be whole again?
I'm not much good to anyone since
That first time I felt the drug hit
The best choice now is probably to
Make it end

When you reach for the cold wooden board
your hands begin to decay
your skin peels back then hardens and falls off your scarlet bones.
A bright midnight flash struggles to push through to the other side of your mind
revealing that you passed years ago but are stuck in an actuality that doesn’t belong to you.
Life is all just a disorder, dead but you keep on living
a distorted mind trapped in an unborn child's head.
Or it could be a game from the further future that they play
controlling little beings within a screen.
The words engraved on the board now lay in your flesh and you cannot let go
from the reality within reality
but is the concept that hard to grasp?
You believe in God but not your own insanity?
We are the dead ones that are only able to perceive
they are makers of our madness
the creators of an urban fantasy
and they try to speak to us from millions of years in the future through a sharp birch wood board
but the lies we are told and the truths that this “world” withholds
does not compare to the unknown universe outside of this screen.