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 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Corlene Beukes
I was looking
for you
in the eyes of another.
You weren't there.

Still I went back.

I spoke of you
to his dreams
as he drunk of your water.
You weren't there.

Still I went back.

I felt the roughness
of your touch
in his kiss.
Soon it exploded.

Still I went back.

You were never there.
You never came back.
You were always fading.
But still I went back.

For you will never leave
for you are always here.
I just lay my head down sometimes
Because
It just becomes too much
To deal with

It's like
I can't feel whole
Like something important is missing
I'm just left with this
Feeling
Like

I don't know anymore
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
unwritten
oaks
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
unwritten
i.
i feel you in my bones sometimes,
on those nights when the silence screams almost as loud as your lingering words,
when the portrait of you is stitched onto my aching eyelids,
thrown together in a mass of lazy brushstrokes from a dark palette.

ii.
i light cigarettes,
but i don't smoke them.
i just watch them burn out.
fade.
crumble.
like we did, endless eons ago.

iii.
it's clear to me now that,
like the land and the sky,
you and i were simply never meant to meet,
never destined to touch.

iv.
sometimes,
i can bring myself not to feel so hollow,
if i think of the better days,
when your smile wasn't a façade
and your love for me was a looming oak
in this great big forest of daft, dying weeds.

v.
but it's not worth much, anyway,
because the truth
is that your smile shines
just about as bright as the stars in the big city,
and your love for me
snaps
like a silly little twig.

vi.
in all honesty,
we never were,
we just tried to be.

vii.
you know,
i walk endless roads trying to forget you.

viii.**
it doesn't work.

(a.m.)
i haven't written anything in a while, so here's a quick poem with just about every cliché you could ever think of. enjoy.
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Sara Teasdale
Like barley bending
In low fields by the sea,
Singing in hard wind
Ceaselessly;

Like barley bending
And rising again,
So would I, unbroken,
Rise from pain;

So would I softly,
Day long, night long,
Change my sorrow
Into song.
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Sara
Dear Dad,
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Sara
I am still sitting at the side of the curb where you left me with your demons. I've been looking for a way out, an escape, but in all the wrong places.
I held hands with the devil and he took me to his bed where love turned to lust and my body was no longer a temple to worship. Now I shrink away from the slightest touch of anyone because I started to believe that they were all the devil in disguise, well aren't they dad?
I don't know why you came back and left as fast as you did, but it sure warned me about the people who made empty promises that echo off my walls at night.
The words I wanted to say to you that night still bounce off my lungs, some linger on my tongue, few make it to my lips.
I have to write about my strongest memory, so how could I forget the night you left?
I thought if I could be daddy's little girl the storm inside of me would settle and there would be peace, but you broke each one of my bones with your bare hands that night, leaving me in a pile of self rot on the curb, didn't dare to turn around to see your own blood destroyed and who was I to think that family was forever?
You told me I used you for your money, but all I ever used you for was love. I thought you were home but I never even lived there for two years before you packed my things, kicked me out, and slammed the door.
You got louder and I tried to cover my little brother's ears to protect him from the poison spewing from your mouth and I tried to cover his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch his sister be ripped to pieces by the man he looks up to.
After you left I walked into my house, the four oceans had been emptied and spilled from my eyes. I screamed about the hate I had for you and pounded my fists against the walls and my mom was scared and I saw the faith drain from her eyes when she realized what you had done.
Nothing is poetic or beautiful or okay about a father abandoning his daughter. So when I thought of my strongest memory, this one came to mind first and I hope you know that your daughter writes about the ways you destroyed her.
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Rose L
I want a room with you.
I want a house with a garden and paintings on eggshell walls
and to silence ourselves with birds on the lawn and a washing machine carrying its tempo
All I want is wildflowers in terracotta and linen all for us
sun drifting over carpets in the late afternoon and heavy cream curtains
I want your freshly washed hair and the pile of books you haven't read yet
cold drinks and heartbeats, trees that whisper in the wind and a peach mattress for the stars to watch us.
i love him so much. i love him so much
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Rose L
The skies fell from my eyes as you fell from the skies,
Storm in a skin, and **** did you find a way in to my peace,
i hear your heartbeat through walls, sugar -
I found you sleeping in my dreams, sugar -
and my eyes are dark with the white of your teeth
how fitting that you would be the one beneath
the stars tonight, and the grass is moon grey
as once again I shivered as you walked away
footsteps crickering on the pathway stones -
and the back of your head makes flowers in my bones
growing petals and leaves sprout through grazed knees
Oh Angel Skin, talk to me please.
He told me he loves my black dress with the collar, my dark red burgundy nails, and then he said he loves the way I hold myself. I told him I found peace in him and he said he found peace in the way I braid my hair and....
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Rose L
Firsts
 Dec 2014 Jackie B
Rose L
Secrets lap at the edge of pouted lips
Pooling below the tongue, it sits all wrong
Fistfuls of curls in red polished fingers and a cracked bottle grazing at the wayside
Silence so soaked in sweat it hardly admits it's guilt
Cough drops held at the back of throats and little pinched baby thumbs pressed in balled up fists
Rough cotton, cool linen
Heaven coiled around flesh, around flesh, around flesh
Around breath, after breath, after breath.
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