I could never tell
if it scared
or comforted me
every time I looked at you
and thought to myself,
I could so easily love you
forever.

Now, I know
it was both
fear
and warmth
simultaneously.
Love rarely speaks
the word
or.

boy meets girl
girl meets boy

boy falls in love
girl doesn't know

boy tells girl
girl gets scared

boy is always there
girl just doesn't care

boy gets wounded, starts shutting her out
girl wants to be close, gets hurt by the wall

boy suffers guilt from hurting her
girl suffers guilt from hurting him

boy can't stop loving her
she can't stop being afraid

round and round they go
in circles they orbit

boy wants to let her go but can't
girl just wants to find real love

boy ends it all because love just hurt too much
girl finally opened her eyes and saw love was always there for her

too late

Lately I've been struggling to look Up
My faith is fracturing, not reflecting
I know God is just sharpening me up
To be the warrior that He's called me to be
In order to do that He's inflicting the pain
But I'm trying to handle it in a fleshly way

I'm trying to say I'm sorry for getting so consumed
By all this hurt that I don't know how to let go of
I'd rather hang onto it and then blame You
Take it out of Your hands and lose my way
Lord I don't know what to do anymore
I'm angry at You for all the things I do
I'm so sorry, I never meant to become this way
I hate the fact You died so I couldn't condemn myself

God, please don't ever take away the anger I have
I just pray You show me how to redirect it away from You and myself
I pray you don't take my pain away, but allow me to endure it
Give me the strength to crucify myself and the demons in my head
Please let me trust in You again, because I know there's no other than You.

I just heard a poem today

About a man who was heart broken
And how he only thought about
The next guy kissing his ex;
Or how he wouldn’t lock the door
In case she came back.

And the people cheered..
He was amazing actually
So much emotion in his voice

And the people cheered..
There’s a fellow who entertains!
I could never do that;
So I envy him.

But;
I hope that person never has to suffer
Through sleepless nights
Hoping she finally calls,
Or seeing that new Facebook picture
Of her with another man,
Cuddled in the same bed I was in a
JUST a week prior
Kissing those lips, that tasted so sweet
When we last said goodbye,
Less than seven **** days ago!

I hope that person never has to heal
And spend his next 3 years, rejected
Rejected and rejected
By every single girl he finally falls for.

I hope that person doesn’t spend his days
Hoping that even once a week he can play
His favorite 2-player video game
With a woman who only wants to
Order some pizza afterwards; while
Cuddling up to a horror movie and a kiss,
Goodnight.

It’s easy to find a drinking partner
Or somebody who will take their clothes off
at midnight and be dressed fast enough
To catch the last train.

But wanting to hear about the person’s day
Or what their favorite novel is;
Their desires,
Their fears
Or why she has those scars
On that beautiful body.

Or why she doesn’t think she’s pretty
When to you she’s the prettiest girl
That you’ve ever cuddled up in bed with
While you watched her play Zelda.

Finding that is tough.

I hope that person is never me
Ruining every conversation going his way.
Trying so hard to keep her smiling,
While forgetting that he’s an *******
Who doesn’t know when to stop talking.

That he doesn’t make enough money
To take her out for a romantic dinner
Or that he can’t drive when she’s stuck
In the middle of nowhere; in minus 20 weather

I hope that person realizes
Writing at 4:30 AM, on a work night
Because another man’s poetry
Made someone else think of a girl
That he doesn’t deserve
And can’t have
Is exactly how some writers live.

And we just wish we were entertaining.

Before you get in bed with me, there's a few things you need to know.

I'm a lot more than just a warm body you lay with, I promise.
Don't get me wrong, I love a woman's curves as much as the next man; but I know it's not the thing that matters.

I'm good at what I do when we get between those sheets, but I'm not going to just run there to get laid. I'll take you to a world of ecstasy and pleasure you may not have ever had before, but I don't get there so easily anymore.

I'm really a sensitive guy who's heart has multiple scars on every wall. See, I've been in love. I mean real love; the kind of love that should be made into a chick flick because it's so unrealistic but it actually happened to me. And it happened to me twice. And I lost them both.

So I have a lot of trust issues, and a lot of pain - really I'm terrified of being hurt again. I'm so tired of being hurt. And I know you want to take my pain away, but if you're just going to use my body then that will hurt.

I don't really care about the ******* anymore. I care about what's going on in your heart, I lust for the emotional intimacy and security and vulnerability that comes when we take off more than just our clothes. Cuz I want to be close.

So take that all in, I'm an open book. I won't hurt you, please don't just leave. If you're okay with something more than just flesh, then let's give us each other until morning light.