you didn't want me
yet you didnt want anyone else to have me
you were scared
you were selfish

I'm sorry that I love you
And I'm sorry that you don't love me too.
I wish that I could explain all of the one million things that are going through my head as I'm writing this.
You make me crazy, happy, sad, in love, angry, lustful, lonely and all the little things in between.
I care about you more that I could ever express and I hope the one day while you're sitting in the dark, with the flickering lights, you'll think of me and how perfect I was for you. And when you sip your *****, that you just can't seem to make strong enough, you won't be able to get the taste of my lips out your mouth. And while you sit with her, you can't help but hear my laugh in every empty silence, wishing I would walk through the door like I always did, and make things good again.
And I know that you're my kryptonite and that every glance will make my heart melt and every smile will make my breathing stop. But I'm stronger than you.
I was never afraid of my feelings or love or are for you,
but you were,
you always were.

I sat around for you and I waited for you. I gave you chance after chance. I stood up for you, even after you failed me. How could you do this to me? Did I honestly mean that little to you, that you thought you could treat me like all the others? You can't just have me when you want me, I'm not your toy that you can pick up when you're bored. I am a ******* Goddess and you should have treated me like one, because God knows I gave you ******* everything. I tried to play it cool, oh **** i tried so hard. But you tested me with the "I love you's". How can you tell me that we are just friends after everything we have been through? After everything I did for you. After everything I gave you. ******* for treating me like ****, for making me feel like ****. For making me hate myself. For making me hate the parts of me that you touched, kissed, held. For making me spend hours waiting by the phone for you to not even bother texting me back. For making me hate the thought of being with anyone else, for not letting me move on. For making me hate the smell of men, because every scent makes me think of you. ******* for walking over me because you knew I'd never be able to say no to you, not even after everything you did. ******* for making me weak, for making me depend on you.

I gave it to you, I gave you my all
I gave you my heart, my body, my soul
I even gave you my mind
I let you in, even though I knew it was a mistake
I thought you had changed,
you told me you had changed.

You told me to stay with you.
You told me you love me.
Was I just a game? a lustful game?
*** and ****? a goal?
It wasn't love, it was lust
and I was your conquest.

I let you take me,
I let you hold me,
I let you in.

You never cared,
even when you said you did.
There was always something else,
someone else.

The first time you kissed me against the wall, I still feel the coldness against my spine and the warmth on my tongue.
The second time you kissed me as we danced to a ****** song, my feet still hurt.
The third time you kissed me on the forehead, your lips are still imprinted on my skin.

The way you pulled me on top of you and held me close, your touch still sends shivers down my thigh.

And now, not a single word, not a phone call not a nothing & I'm the one that's stuck wide awake at night replaying your voice in my head over and over as I feel your touch on my skin.
And I promised that we were just friends and I didn't have feelings, but ****, I lied, I lied so hard.
And I tried to be strong when you said goodbye, but my heart shattered when you came running to me and kissed me for the last time.
And whenever I try to move on, I just can't forget about you and the way you made me feel, over and over again.

I hope you know that I love you.
I love you in a way that not song can sing about, no poet can write about and no artist can paint about.
I love you like the way I love staring into the sky as the raindrops fall on my nose.
I love you like I love the feeling of being drunk on a Tuesday with nobody around.
I love you like I love sitting in a bath with nothing but silence and flickering flames.

And you, you look at me and see us as 'just friends'
But I've seen just friends and they don't look at each other the way we do
And they don't touch each other the way we do
And they don't kiss each other the way we do.

We're not just friends, we're just two lonely teenagers afraid of love and commitment, expecting a movie kind of love
But baby, this isn't a movie
You're not going to sweep me off my feet
I'm not going to wait for years for you
You're not going to stop me at the airport and save me from myself

And that's okay.

Because I love you.

And I know,
you love me too.

And here I thought that I would be strong enough to walk away from you okay with being 'just friends' but with ever look and every hug I fall deeper and deeper in love with you.

And here I sat thinking I could move on from you, but with every glance and every word that came out of your mouth, you talked me deeper and deeper into falling for you.

And here I stood thinking I would be okay to say goodbye again, but with every hug and whisper I found it more difficult to let go.

And off you'll go back to your high life of sweet living and here I'll stay talking myself out of the sadness and regret you piled on top of me.

And ******* for making me believe that you cared about me and for making me feel like you loved me.

Silly me to think that you were able to change and be a better person,
silly me for thinking that you would forget about her.
Silly me, for seeing the best in you,
even when you gave me no reason to.

Silly me, for letting you **** me in,
only to spit me out once you got what you wanted.
Silly me for telling you what you wanted to hear,
all for you to just throw me away like an old T-shirt.

Silly me for letting you get inside my head and eat up every ounce of my being.
Silly me for forgiving you and letting you break my heart all over again.
Silly me for missing you.

I can't keep my hands to myself when it comes to you. Your touch, your laugh and the way you kiss my hips. Your grip on my *** while your kiss me down my neck & the way you bite your lip. The way you pull me closer and the way you push me against the wall while and kiss me while everyone's watching.

i thought i was strong enough to resist you like i did that night on the dance floor. I though i could see you and everything would be fine, but the ******* second you walked through that door, my eyes couldn't focus on anyone but you.
The moment your arms wrapped around me and your lips hit my cheek, I knew I was weak.

I miss you.
I miss hearing your voice at 1am telling me pointless stories. I miss your laugh at 3pm making fun of my endless complaints. I miss your constant messages filling my phone. I miss the way you look on FaceTime at 10 at night. I miss your kisses on my forehead and even more the way you bite my lip. I miss feeling your hands around my waist. I miss the way you looked at me like I was your everything. I miss our empty conversations filled with giggles and smirks. I miss your hands in mine and your lips on mine. I miss your ring on my finger and you in my heart. I miss playing games with you. I miss that night on the couch with your body against mine. I miss fighting with you over absolutely nothing. But most of all I miss our endless, pointless and playful conversations.

Leaving me was the worst thing you ever did.

How did we end up like this? When did things change and turn into these empty conversations & broken promises? Why did you let everything we ever built come crashing down in seconds? Since when did you decide to walk away and leave me here without an explanation? Leaving me here to second guess myself & every choice I've ever made? Why would you be so oblivious to everything I ever told you? I never lied when I told you how I felt so why would you pretend it didn't happen? How could you run away as soon as things got complicated, just pack up and leave? How could you this to me?

Do you think that it is okay to **** me in and then without even a second thought, spit me right out? Do you think that it is okay to rip the life out from under my feet without even a simple explanation? Or the way you took my breath away and gave it to another girl? Do you think I was fine when you told me how important I was or how you never wanted to lose me, yet you threw me away without a second thought? You never knew how your actions impacted other people, but you better learn for the future because I hope to God you don't **** up any other girls the way you ****** me up.

my lips still taste like our first kiss underneath the empty sky, your toxic taste stained my tongue with memories of guilt. Your breath filled my body with electricity as you kissed my neck, your every touch like a shock.Your voice still haunts me in my sleep, your empty promises and truthful lies. My body still shaking for your gentle touch and your constant persuasion. I can still feel your hands around my neck whenever I try to breathe.

Oh honey, you were nothing more to him than a late night hookup & an attention giver. He didn't care that he hurt you & made you cry.
Oh darling, you need to be stronger than this, you're nothing more to him than a pretty face with a nice ***. He doesn't care that you think about him nonstop.
Oh baby, you need to wake up, he's still in love with her & you are just a bump in the road. He doesn't love you.

Drown me in your kisses while you fill me with your love
Hold me in your arms and whisper nothings in my ear
Bite my neck and run your hands down my spine
Tell me you love me and that you need my by your side
Never leave me not now not ever
And keep me in your thoughts for ever and ever

I tried to stop myself from falling for you, believe me, I tried. I tried to resist your soul filled laugh and the way you looked at me while I was working. And that night, on the empty dance floor, with your hands in mine. I did it, I fell for you. Hard. I tried to stop it, but they came crashing down on my heart after every ******* look and smile. After ever hug or conversation, I feel deeper and deeper. You occupied my mind with selfish thoughts of how I wanted you to be mine. I tried to be okay with you choosing him. And now, you’re gone and here I am, alone and empty. Thinking about all the missed opportunities that filled our friendship & reminiscing over photos we took. I fill this empty, broken hole with with the thought that one day we’d be in love.

your lips, they taste like ***** shots and drunken memories. Your hands, they feel like warmth as you run them up and down my arm. Your breath, it feels like a whisper of a thousand angels as you breath deeply on my neck. Your eyes, they look like deep oceans and I want to explore them. Your arms, they feel like home when you hold me tightly. Your laugh, it sounds like happiness and I live to hear that sound.

I can’t make you love me
But oh, how I wish you would
I can’t force your affection
But ****, will you hold my hand?
I won’t force you,
But will you hold me?
Can you stay for a while
And turn my problems
Into dust

Could you stay for a while
And make me feel whole again
And kiss me like
I’m your entire world

Can you forget about
Everything and everyone else
And remember the time
We were in love