i knew it when she came
and your eyes
shifted.

i knew you knew back then
how i secretly had invisible flowers behind my back
that i never had the courage to give you.

yet i let you break my heart.
i let you use me --
giving you hints about the girl she was
just further reminding myself
of the girl i can never be.

and even months later

i was still carrying the dead flowers
behind my back,
the ones who died from discouragement
and low self esteem.

but i still carried them.
within me,
their pollen sticking to my hair, skin, and soul.

does she know
the way we danced?

those sparkling eyes
emerging from new love

how could she know?

tell me does she know
the late night telephone

endless
conversation
infinite
discussion

that golden light
emerging from new love

how could she know?

tell me will you tell her
how you loved
how you didn't
and everything in between?

tell me will you tell her
the demons you shared
the ones you caused
and the tears of all the broken souls around you?

how could she possibly know?

i didn't.

the world is
my oyster
they say.
yet,
why has my life
produced no pearls?
only tears
and gritty sand
polluting the land
around me.

if it was fated to be
so be it
because you are my
beautiful destiny.

shining like the brightest north star
guiding me hand in hand
soaring towards the future.

for some reason you set me somewhere
beyond all reality...
free.

i grow away and away like a rose bush gone unpruned
waiting to bloom again.
but i smile because

don't you remember?

you are my
beautiful destiny.

open
and close

clench
and release

control
your emotions

and find
your peace.

oh how i want to feel
that love was something

someone built for me in their tree house
with makeshift tools and daisy chains

intricate
and even flawed because love,
love is imperfect.

oh how i want to feel they built me the sun.

A world without you
What does it mean?
My world was always with you even before I met you.

If my world was without you,
I don’t think
I can imagine it -
Yet.

My world without you
Would be an empty void where positivity should have been,
A hole in my being where flesh should be.

My world without you
Would be a plant that never grew
It would be a raven that could not fly
It would be a laugh without sound
It would be somewhere we never knew.

A world without you
What does it mean?
My world will always be with you even after you’re gone.