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May 2020 · 131
in(finite)
irises May 2020
There are those
Glowing red and yellow lights from the back of cars at night
That sets an ambience of retrospect

An ambience best experienced in the company of happiness-
And perhaps the bass of a heavy song to fill you up to the brim
But not overflow...

The world will go silent because nothing else matters
For just a short while
and everything will go slow except for time...

Nothing can seem horrid as you see happiness surround the air
Floating like waves throughout your hair
As you hum to an unfamiliar tune
Of a beginning unknown

And a destination unseen.

You think for a moment,
Ah, in this life, these moments must be what is
truly infinite

tucking the surroundings into your star-pockets
that you can look at when you are more jaded with time

remembering that at this one time
You were infinite
because that's just what young people do.
i miss those late nights the most
Mar 2020 · 161
a tremendous thing
irises Mar 2020
a person coming
is a tremendous thing

for not only do they bear gifts
but also secrets

ones they'd rather keep away in a locked broom closet;
because making excuses is easier than true
explication.

and so when that person comes
you must treat them tremendously

because we all have things we'd like to keep dark.
Feb 2020 · 162
bloom
irises Feb 2020
Sometimes the vast window opens
Fractured
But forgiving

Knowing everyone else does it too
Empathy for the shared shadow of all else who
Desperately fell

There is a dusty harmony
A musty and dark air
Tainted with the protruding strength of her infinite suns

And they all can hardly breathe
As her flowers suffocate them
Because they were trying for her
Not them.

She wondered whether the beginning was all a trap,
Covered in the illusion that true light was outlandish,
Leaving her in the dark.
up for interpretation
Jan 2020 · 32
turning
irises Jan 2020
i tell myself that if i
turn around
i won't see you again

but then i turn twice.

even if i change twenty eight times
i will see you again.
Jan 2020 · 97
i'm waiting
irises Jan 2020
i'm waiting
for the day i finally feel alive

for the day where the sun feels like it was something
meant for me.

and that the water flows in part because
i am on this earth too.

that for once
i feel this ripple effect of humanity.
Dec 2019 · 137
pathways
irises Dec 2019
Remember it was never about the end
And it was always about the beginning

Never how far from the finish
But always how far you came
persevere, my dear
irises Nov 2019
you are a thing that rolls with the seas
slowly undulating through the white sea foam on the stormy tide
wondering when you too can sparkle
like the clarity you see reflected in the horizon at sunset-

but the foam while unclear
contains thousands of little bubbles-

tiny pockets of air that help me breathe.
Nov 2019 · 148
dreaming (dying)
irises Nov 2019
they say before you die
a slideshow of your life appears before your very eye
until it fades into whiteness...

if i could touch my memory of
all that i lived for
oh death does not seem so much a fright.

even for a second
i can relive all the love and hope
that is characterized as human

oh how i hope it is true
so i can make sure one last time it was all real.
or even if it wasn't

i can smile at this sweet dream that i call my own.
Nov 2019 · 169
merely
irises Nov 2019
the morning after a long night of sadness
in which you finally tricked your mind at four a.m. to repress
the deepest thoughts that tangle in your hair

you wake up to find your dreamworld is only that
and your real-world is merely what it is.

the moon will shine again,
so i keep everything tucked in my pillowcase
in hopes i can return again.
is this too confusing?
Nov 2019 · 264
adore.
irises Nov 2019
here's to the moments when
you're so in love that it consumes you
like falling into a bottomless pit
that leads to nowhere.

and you know no one can save you,
not even yourself.
love, my dear
Oct 2019 · 217
clarity
irises Oct 2019
purest flowing clarity
resembling the innocence of a child's soul
lies in the muddiest and cloudiest
rivers

within us all.
it flows within our veins

if you only let the light shine through.
Sep 2019 · 131
farther
irises Sep 2019
i feel farther from you
that even though these 3000 miles are what separates us
my heart is still

even farther away.
long distance, i feel like i'm trapped because it's convenient, yet inconvenient all at the same time.
May 2019 · 305
magic
irises May 2019
the stars were pale dots in the sky
so faraway

and in this corner of this star's surrounding dust
was a girl in love.

such an indescribable feeling
she wondered if the other tiny dust around those faraway stars
also felt the same.
Apr 2019 · 529
different
irises Apr 2019
doesn't it seem today
that the air blows
a different way?

almost telling me that
today is not yesterday ~
times change, so will us all
Mar 2019 · 407
You
irises Mar 2019
You
It’s you
It’s always been you
In the ever changing universe

You’re the only constant thing
Like nature gave you a purpose on this earth...
Always been always will
Feb 2019 · 256
paradise
irises Feb 2019
you are my
beautiful paradise.

when everything else in the world
feels so ******* wrong.

when the world comes crashing down
and I have to look strong

I know I don't have to in front of you.
Feb 2019 · 262
eve
irises Feb 2019
eve
on the eve of the day of love
i wonder why we need one

when we should be loving each other everyday...
Feb 2019 · 315
easily
irises Feb 2019
i fall in love so
easily

like the night is sure to come
i too will fall like the sun

into the cold embrace of

the night.
of him.
Feb 2019 · 417
distance
irises Feb 2019
we were so far no ruler could measure
exactly how far our hearts and minds were from one another.
interpret this as you will.
Feb 2019 · 241
overwhelm
irises Feb 2019
love,
like a hurricane

it's one of those things that seems to never come
but when it does,
it comes all at once.
Feb 2019 · 1.6k
sweet
irises Feb 2019
cotton candy clouds
adorn the purple blue sky
as i wonder what lays ahead

but for now
life is so sweet.

The air so warm and soft
almost whispering to me
about the good that lays beyond

but for now
life is so sweet.

as i reach up to the sky
almost able to touch those sweet
cotton candy clouds.

so sweet.
the beautiful sunset of yesterday
Jan 2019 · 368
captivate
irises Jan 2019
it was one of those things you couldn't capture.
it was just everything,
and everything
just was.
Jan 2019 · 245
black hole
irises Jan 2019
up there in the sky way high
is where a star once shone
until it fell out of the sky -
but even in this darkness
it condensed its superpowers

until it was infinite.

so in your darkest of times
grab onto all  
shining stars of love you have
and condense it deep within your mind
until it is also
infinite.
irises Dec 2018
in this life we spend so long
pursuing happiness . . .

we often forget
to take a moment
and just be happy.
I was inspired by a quote I saw...
Sep 2018 · 194
the only
irises Sep 2018
the only one
that i can understand

is myself.

the only one
that i can trust

is myself.

yet why do i not know what i am feeling
and why do i lie to myself in my mind...
Sep 2018 · 152
Night
irises Sep 2018
the late night talks of life and love are so hard to come by
as the night consumes our tears
and the moonlight shines like a thin cloak of white on our faces...

we are together through a connection that permeates our skies even if we’re miles and miles apart as we ask each other about the minor and the significant.

for a moment it felt like i was cared about.
but like everyone else i had let see in
you were first to say goodnight .
Aug 2018 · 21.3k
love, again.
irises Aug 2018
someday it will
come again.
someday someone
will come in.

a star
with the deepest depths in the eyes
with the gentlest of breaths
and endless soul in the smile

one day
i'll forgive this pain
not forget -
forgive.
we are all destined to love again, i am sure
Aug 2018 · 212
two worlds
irises Aug 2018
never quite one
never both
belonging to neither
pushed to either side

it's a constant crisis.
like the petals of an iris
slowly blowing away from finding my
identity.

two worlds
unlike each other in every way
where each party says i am too like the other
something all immigrants and children of those
can understand.

the sweet smell of homecooked meals
permeating the neighborhood
full of those who could never appreciate.

the laughter of my friends
ringing in the air
of a home they could never quite understand.

the thoughts
invading my head
of a culture i tried to reject.

who am i?
two worlds
never quite one
never both
always pushed to either side.
Aug 2018 · 172
is it love
irises Aug 2018
is it love
if you never loved me back
the butterflies in my stomach
were unmatched?

is it love
if i saw the gaze in your eyes
on the girl whose eyes were moonstones
and smile was the great wide ocean

is it love
if i built you a ship to her heart
from the wood of the forest in my soul?

is it love
when i lay at night no where near
asleep
wondering where my shortcomings were
or how i can fit her moonstones in my eyes

is it love
is it love
is it love
am i in love with you?
Jul 2018 · 137
a bit about time.
irises Jul 2018
There’s something a bit beautiful about today;
The fact it isn’t tomorrow
And you already know yesterday.

But there’s something a bit scary about today
The fact it isn’t yesterday
And only tomorrow will you know today.
Jul 2018 · 189
my trust
irises Jul 2018
i trusted until i hear everything i’ve ever told him from the mouths of people i never told...

like a sea of teeth and mouths and unfamiliar lips
drowning me in their laughter
while i feel the me within myself rip.

i trusted him so.
trusted him,
trusting me,
Until the rivers in my eyes just could not trust any longer.
Jun 2018 · 269
sun
irises Jun 2018
sun
i gave you the sun.
created in the toolshed of my heart

the labor into making
a light out of dark.

it was imperfect,
it was patchy.
but it was my sun.

and i so wanted it to be yours.
unrequited love, so bittersweet.
Jun 2018 · 547
hope
irises Jun 2018
i hope by the time you read this
you have realized something about yourself.

anything at all.

that you're beautiful
that you're smart
that you're worth it
that you're art.

but i can't tell you these things
since they are things you must find within yourself;
i know
you will not believe me.

to those who have not found:
search a little closer
get a better mirror
magnify the music of your soul ten times the max volume
it can reach.

i guarantee you,
there's something there.
and even if everything else seems like it's in despair

remember you had it in you to get here.

so there must be something.
anything at all.

for how can you ever hope to love someone else,
if you can not find the love within yourself?
Jun 2018 · 446
flowers
irises Jun 2018
i knew it when she came
and your eyes
shifted.

i knew you knew back then
how i secretly had invisible flowers behind my back
that i never had the courage to give you.

yet i let you break my heart.
i let you use me --
giving you hints about the girl she was
just further reminding myself
of the girl i can never be.

and even months later

i was still carrying the dead flowers
behind my back,
the ones who died from discouragement
and low self esteem.

but i still carried them.
within me,
their pollen sticking to my hair, skin, and soul.
Apr 2018 · 452
tell me does she know?
irises Apr 2018
does she know
the way we danced?

those sparkling eyes
emerging from new love

how could she know?

tell me does she know
the late night telephone

endless
conversation
infinite
discussion

that golden light
emerging from new love

how could she know?

tell me will you tell her
how you loved
how you didn't
and everything in between?

tell me will you tell her
the demons you shared
the ones you caused
and the tears of all the broken souls around you?

how could she possibly know?

i didn't.
inspired by songs, maybe i'll do a series.
this one is inspired by Mark Diamond's You're My Girl
Mar 2018 · 513
oyster
irises Mar 2018
the world is
my oyster
they say.
yet,
why has my life
produced no pearls?
only tears
and gritty sand
polluting the land
around me.
Mar 2018 · 228
beautiful destiny
irises Mar 2018
if it was fated to be
so be it
because you are my
beautiful destiny.

shining like the brightest north star
guiding me hand in hand
soaring towards the future.

for some reason you set me somewhere
beyond all reality...
free.

i grow away and away like a rose bush gone unpruned
waiting to bloom again.
but i smile because

don't you remember?

you are my
beautiful destiny.
Mar 2018 · 240
control
irises Mar 2018
open
and close

clench
and release

control
your emotions

and find
your peace.
Mar 2018 · 274
sunshine
irises Mar 2018
oh how i want to feel
that love was something

someone built for me in their tree house
with makeshift tools and daisy chains

intricate
and even flawed because love,
love is imperfect.

oh how i want to feel they built me the sun.
Mar 2018 · 684
A (my) world without you
irises Mar 2018
A world without you
What does it mean?
My world was always with you even before I met you.

If my world was without you,
I don’t think
I can imagine it -
Yet.

My world without you
Would be an empty void where positivity should have been,
A hole in my being where flesh should be.

My world without you
Would be a plant that never grew
It would be a raven that could not fly
It would be a laugh without sound
It would be somewhere we never knew.

A world without you
What does it mean?
My world will always be with you even after you’re gone.
Mar 2018 · 261
apologizing
irises Mar 2018
it is always
"sorry" from you.

as if the burden of having me around...

is only too great.
like i'm a fragile porcelain doll

that you need to glue the pieces for.
Mar 2018 · 296
endless
irises Mar 2018
the days
so long and like
a broken stitch that keeps running away from me.

when will it be over?
i wonder.
only to realize that the people i love are also
running in the strands that I keep pulling

until the seams of my heart start to open
and its contents spill onto some unsuspecting
being.

Until they too,
run away from me,
endlessly.
Mar 2018 · 539
wash away
irises Mar 2018
no matter how much
water i pour over my cracking hands

i can't wash away the feelings
of when you were here.

can't wash away all the memories we ever shared.
no matter how much i want to.

the scent of your skin
burns through my nose no matter how hard i try to
extinguish it.

the sound of your laughter
rings through my head despite
the crowd around me.

the view of you from behind
forever punctures my heart
even though i've long ago taken out the dagger.

i stand at the mirror
and try
to forget it all.

wash
wash away,
please.
Feb 2018 · 185
dear expectations
irises Feb 2018
dear expectations,
i swear one day i will be strong

strong enough to defy you.
To destroy
to smash
to obliterate the views you create of me.

but not yet.

the false image of who i am
versus who everyone perceives me to be
constantly
constantly
weighing down on me
are the shouts and the disgruntled comments i hear
and i pretend not to feel them
but every time someone tells me
"oh come on"
it's just another arrow to my heart.

if i fall,
will i even make a sound?
will the stars in the sky even blink?

when night comes,
will I still be alone,
while others dream?

will anyone choose to save me?
to hear me?

dear expectations,
one day i will be strong enough to defy you,
but i dont know how.
Feb 2018 · 626
salt
irises Feb 2018
they told me to
take it as a grain of salt.

as if the words they said
did not rub into my wound

and burn
like salt does.

so here i am,
taking it like a grain of salt
the wounds burning through my skin
while i just smile like i always do.
A huge thank you to all who supported this work I had no idea it would get so much love
irises Feb 2018
I stand in the crossroad,
Like a million before me
Unsure

Of what to do
To sit?
To stay?
To move away?

It’s alright I guess
If we sit a while
And just rest.

But at some point
We must stand
And not dream off to
Some imaginary land.

Right?
Or left?
Right?
Or wrong?

Where this all goes from here
We must all stay strong.
A note about growth.
Feb 2018 · 190
indifferent.
irises Feb 2018
if indifference is the opposite of love,
*I don’t stand a chance
Jan 2018 · 175
1:57 am
irises Jan 2018
i lay
still dressed in the blue gown
from tonight.
makeup still
adorning my face
and the pearls
still shining on my neck.

but i feel drained
for no apparent reason other than
that i just felt sad.

why?
i do not know
but i write over
and over
and over again
"i should have asked him"

i regret.
and so i felt like ringing up a few old friends
and so we talked.
until dawn
but the tears still linger in my eyes.
strange cryptic poem but bear with me
Jan 2018 · 169
mirror
irises Jan 2018
there's a slab
of reflective glass
whom we all think tells the truth

but all it does
is tell us lies about our beauty
preventing it from
emanating from our souls.
Jan 2018 · 174
honesty
irises Jan 2018
you'll be protected
you said,
as long as you answer me honestly.

so i believed you
stupidly
and spilled all my heart was holding

and you protected me.
for just a moment, i felt warm
like the sun was finally shining.
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