it is always
"sorry" from you.

as if the burden of having me around...

is only too great.
like i'm a fragile porcelain doll

that you need to glue the pieces for.

the days
so long and like
a broken stitch that keeps running away from me.

when will it be over?
i wonder.
only to realize that the people i love are also
running in the strands that I keep pulling

until the seams of my heart start to open
and its contents spill onto some unsuspecting
being.

Until they too,
run away from me,
endlessly.

no matter how much
water i pour over my cracking hands

i can't wash away the feelings
of when you were here.

can't wash away all the memories we ever shared.
no matter how much i want to.

the scent of your skin
burns through my nose no matter how hard i try to
extinguish it.

the sound of your laughter
rings through my head despite
the crowd around me.

the view of you from behind
forever punctures my heart
even though i've long ago taken out the dagger.

i stand at the mirror
and try
to forget it all.

wash
wash away,
please.

dear expectations,
i swear one day i will be strong

strong enough to defy you.
To destroy
to smash
to obliterate the views you create of me.

but not yet.

the false image of who i am
versus who everyone perceives me to be
constantly
constantly
weighing down on me
are the shouts and the disgruntled comments i hear
and i pretend not to feel them
but every time someone tells me
"oh come on"
it's just another arrow to my heart.

if i fall,
will i even make a sound?
will the stars in the sky even blink?

when night comes,
will I still be alone,
while others dream?

will anyone choose to save me?
to hear me?

dear expectations,
one day i will be strong enough to defy you,
but i dont know how.

they told me to
take it as a grain of salt.

as if the words they said
did not rub into my wound

and burn
like salt does.

so here i am,
taking it like a grain of salt
the wounds burning through my skin
while i just smile like i always do.

I stand in the crossroad,
Like a million before me
Unsure

Of what to do
To sit?
To stay?
To move away?

It’s alright I guess
If we sit a while
And just rest.

But at some point
We must stand
And not dream off to
Some imaginary land.

Right?
Or left?
Right?
Or wrong?

Where this all goes from here
We must all stay strong.

if indifference is the opposite of love,
*I don’t stand a chance