hot baths, breakdowns, too close, too loud. lost, alone, confused, worthless. self-image, self-confidence, self-love. questions. "What do you want to be when you're older?" "Where are you going to college?" "How are your grades?"
How are my grades? How am I! I'm breaking down every night, crying in the shower, trashing the organized file cabinet of my mind, scouring every inch of my consciousness trying to find out who I am. Emotionally unstable. Lost. Mentally unstable. Lost.
Ask me how I am.

I'm just searching for something simple
Something to make me happy
or someone

and I feel like they're just around the corner
I feel they are close

Perhaps I've already found my happiness
In knowing that I am out of sadness and pain
and into these happy thoughts

I was addicted to you;
you were allergic to me.

I always wonder how life would be different
if I had said all those unspoken thoughts
locked up inside my head

losing sight of reality
these drunken stupors
control these minds
and control my futures

he told me once to make mistakes so you learn from them
but I just can't stop living in regret
in regret of the past
in regret of all of the terrible things I have done

bruises all over my body
reminders of the damage that has been done
once such an innocent girl
now everything has overcome

but when people say her name
it is not the innocent girl brought to their attention
no- it is the identity that she has become
they are the labels tied to her
for the future
because of the things she has done

yet nobody will save her
just leave her out of sight
out of mind
she is the one going insane
yet she is the same person/ she still bears the same name
she can change
but she cannot rewrite the past
the past must remain completed and done

but as he once said
the past does not define you
so stand up once again from the fall
stand up stronger
perhaps the scars will never fade
but the memories of the inflicted pain
can be replaced
then you will be a new person
because of the things you have faced

come back to reality
and start living