there are over one million words in the english language

but when you told me you loved me
last november
i couldn't form a clear thought
i couldn't even nod my head

let alone say it back

being a mother
is not about
making bread
and dinner every night

being a mother is about trying to understand
and not gossiping to your friends about my bad choices when i broke up with the boy who
i decided
was not right for me

and believing me
when i told you
that i had an eating disorder
that my brothers constant jokes about my weight had not helped
(i could hear you say to my father, 'but bulimics lose their teeth')

being a mother
is about
being there
when im in the kitchen crying and i know that you can hear me
but you do not come out
being a mother is about hearing the tinge in my voice
when i say that i honestly don't know when i will be ready for school
and the day
and not accusing me of attitude
but hearing that i am struggling
being a mother is about
supporting me
and not telling me that you're waiting for my next mental breakdown
and that im foolish for taking on so much
and trying to do well
because you think i can't do it
well
then maybe i can't do it

but you have failed
a mother's essential job is to help their children conquer the world
and you are not helping
it's mother's day tomorrow
but i do not want to celebrate
i'd say that i'm sorry
but i'm not

happy mother's day

i woke up at 3 am
craving your voice
you're captivating
and everyone else bores me
i don't think there will ever be a day
that i don't think about you
my hair is in knots
the words i want to say
are tangled up in my mouth

We could have been together
for one more day
for one more night
We could talk
how sad it would be
How sad we all are
for things we lose
for people we care
for days that were sunny
You were gentle when you left
I wish you were gentle all the time
But you amaze me
with your blunt ways n sharp words
how could I fall in love with that
I will miss noone more
not your gentleness