Stupid girl you never know
Never know just what to do
When you stay or when you go
Hold you breath until you choke
Say goodnight and sleep well
You're under such a selfish spell

“All my friends tell me how toxic the memory of you is. I know it’s toxic, I drink to forget you. My liver has given up on me and I still can’t stop drinking, because for the time that i’m feeling the burn of the ***** down my throat I can’t feel the pain of my broken heart.”

my hands are shaking
my bottom lip is trembling
and I stand,
like the rocks that await
to be hit by the sea,
I raise a fist and take it to
my own left upper-arm,
it hurts a little
but not enough,
I do it again,
raising my right fist
and striking it against
my other arm,
this time it hurt a lot more,
but I'm still not satisfied,
I hit and I hit
for around twenty minutes
until my arm is all kinds of colours;
blue, purple, yellow,
I am covered in bruises;
I am crying now and my vision
is blurred;
I pick up the phone and listen
to the voicemail you left for me
when I was too drunk to say my own name,
and I lie down on the floor
trying to remember
how your lips moved
when you spoke your words of hate
and how your eyes would always fill with tears
when you saw me take the bottle to my mouth

stumbling home
in the evening
with my breath
smelling of cheap beer
and cigarettes;
people worry,
I tell them not to;
I do this for me,
not for attention
or sympathy,
I do this to feel
more alive,
because I feel so
dead inside
and my thoughts
are racing;
drinking shuts them up
for a couple of hours
and I feel better;
I feel sick,
but I also feel
great,
like I can do anything;
like nothing can hurt me;
is this what death
tastes like?
god,
I hope so