my path to self destruction
not going to start this off as a nostalgic way of telling you a sappy sad story of how i wasn't this way and how one event,
something,
led up to me feeling this way,
although maybe,
in the slightest way that'd help YOU'D understand,
it doesn't help the inner part in me that needs to get these raging,
burning,
thoughts out of her head, MY HEAD
the way i think about things now,
the way my mind rejects anything that's primarily anything that's somewhat,
the least bit good, and not the goodness as in the laughter that can brighten your mood,
but the outcast feeling,
the feeling of always being isolated,
of knowing that you'll never really have anyone to count on,
that no one will ever really be listening to what you're saying because no one really has the time to dig down deep into your mind,
to understand what you're really thinking,
and those people that have been there, they know,
they sense what you're going through, and they want to help,
they want to tell you it'll be okay,
but how the **** are you going to sit and tell me, someone who's going through the exact same things as you that its going to be okay when you're at rock bottom just like me
when you want to burn your feelings and make them drown, and choke like you're doing everyday with the thoughts that haunt you,
that cloud your mind with thoughts that are so dark you have to close your eyes, and shut the darkness out so it doesn't affect you in the way it normally does,
the way you're used to,
so you're forced to find another way to make a gateway for the pain to escape
you will never be able to