He was bent over
almost in half

bent over a pool table
concentrating on the next play
but there were no *****
on the table
just a body
dressed in gray sweatpants
a holey shirt, and only one shoe

The pool cue was chalked with blood
but his hands were steady

Crack

Splintering wood against bone
fractures symphonic ally
in tune with ancient jukebox greats
warbling the hurts
of somebody done someone wrong

but I don't want a piece of that...

that which has spread someone
who never meant anything to me
across the green of the pool table
trying to punt individual pieces of them
into six different holes

I'm shadowing myself in the corner
next to the jukebox
but his eyes find mine and I'm surprised

his are Blue
like an ocean
like a cloudless sky
like a sapphire under the sun
like a fire burning too hot
like deep frozen ice

His seriously kissable sensual lips
tip enticingly upwards
in my general direction
asking... imaging

He with you?

asking but not believing

you with him?

Mutely, I wither beneath the notice
and nod with a shake of my head

I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here

But here I am being scrutinized
from a different angle

In front of me
he's standing, tracking my gaze
to the non action at the pool table
now over, there is a new game in play
but he didn't ante in
as he found a new game

Me

and the stakes are high!

A finger runs lightly down my cheek
across my collarbone and down the V
of my deeply cut T shirt
skimming knuckles across the slopes
of barely there maturity
down the inside of my arm to my wrist
to the palm of my hand
twining into my numb fingers
raising them to press a open mouthed kiss
to my white knuckles

with a promise of
I know where you live

Out the door, alone, across the parking lot
and into the car I own
he's watching
waiting for me to turn my back on him
and he's got it
he'll find me

I realize as I close a door
that has little hope
and less lockable appeal
that he does indeed now know
where I live

*He won't forget

Red
       tulips

I'm gasping as he held me
tightly

I love Red tulips,
they're my favorite

I can't remember the question
but that was the answer

I'm riding a prized stallion
trying to slow him into a walk
he's kicking up a fuss, bucking me

Then there's the slap
Crack

and an apology
a kiss
       *a caress

the question is asked again

the answer is the same
(now I remember)

Red tulips

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirrored surface

****! I'm pretty!

surgical steel slips through the gaps
of the imperfect protection
designed to guard a heart
with room to twist

Even in a haze of red
I'm still ****** pretty

Laying on a mound of freshly dug earth
are
     a hundred
                     Red tulips

*He didn't forget

he'll try hard to not
            just to prove
                        he can

don't blame me because
the sand in your ******
is irritating you
go take a shower
and while you're at it
shave that pathetic excuse
of *** fluff you call a beard
from your perfect face
and while you're at it
wash away
the verbal diarrhoea
caught in the corner
of perfectly firmed lips
and while you're at it
practice in front of the mirror
saying
I can only criticise
when I'm more perfect
than you
then come back to me
apologise
and say something new

just a blessing in a sneeze
just a cracked sidewalk
treaded endlessly with no talk
just an empty cereal box
just an unanswered knock
just an endless dial tone
because there's nobody to phone
just a wasted space
just another face
just another place
that kisses our mistakes
just like leaves in the breeze
nobody believes
we can touch another
and not leave a mark

I'd like to be able to say
I don't know what tomorrow
will bring...
but I'm scared
Because I know exactly
what tomorrow has in store
and it's everything
that has come
in the days before
and nothing will change
nothing
and that's what scares me
the most
*the never changing everything

"they" say it's easier
to rip off the bandaid quickly
presumably because the pain
is so fleeting
but is it okay by "they"
if I scream my hurt
drawing out every syllable
loudly, complete with raging
spittle and seething emotions
throwing buried truths
into a stunned face
that can't wake up
or shape up, or shake off
shackles of an insanely lost
predisposed personality
Is it okay with "they"
to hurl obscenities
to those that have been defeated
in their own mind
"they" say to rip off the bandaid
quickly
but I've found, by doing that
the wound bleeds more profusely
and it's harder to heal
for the bandaid,
"they" reviled
was the only ******* thing
holding
the deepest cut together

On this day I held your hand
as you took your last breath
as the darkness claimed your life
I sunk within its depth
I followed you into the darkness
for I could not let you go
You let me come for a time
then you told me as it is so
That I must remain behind
I could not follow you
as I howled inside the pain
you whispered words so true
All that I have taught you
are all the things I hold dear
All the things I imparted to you
are all the reasons you can’t stay near
In a few short weeks you will be 72
but numbers have no meaning
There is no reason to the years gone by
Time can be so fleeting
So I raise my glass to you, My Daddy
as time will never tell
If you found your own piece of Heaven
while I struggle through my own Hell

but how?

do we measure
                          point C?
                      to
                            spot G?

she wakes to an empty bed
he's left in the early morning
to work, she shivers with regret
He calls at 9am and they exchange
pleasantries. He sighs as the phone
disconnects while she hangs up
hesitantly. Was there more to be said?
He sits in a morose world on the
internet in the afternoons where
he waits for her to come home from
work. He's all alone with his memories
and he dreams of scenarios that
might possibly become reality
if he can convince her that he's
sincere. But shes not there...
Evening meals are a lesson in silence
in the awkwardness of masticating
images that could be dreams or
nightmares, she doesn't care, he
is there...
******* in the dark, in stealth
making sure the rustle of clothing
leaving the body is no indication
of an invitation they awkwardly
brush against each other, creating
friction, gauging reaction, not really
ever wanting to engage in carnality
just basically giving each other
the time of day and the illusion
of Love and a Yes please but
No thanks, not tonight
just another day...
The coffee is cold as it sits acting
like a looking glass for a stare
deep inside the darkness might
be someone who cares but over
the breakfast table on a weekend
morning, the divide is yawning
and there is a weakness to the
futilely uttered
"Good Morning"

Winter brings crystal tears
that forms on eyelashes
that never once blinked

Eyelashes upon eyes
that stare silently
at your retreating back

Unblinking in a snow storm

Winter brings a quietness
where I stared at your back
and yelled

Don't walk away, please stay
I'm so cold without you
Landscapes of white are faded
taking away the sparkle of the jewel

Don't walk away, please stay

I'm screaming silently
to a retreating back
in a snowstorm

a back with shoulders hunched
a back which has no face
a back which is retreating
from an unmarked time or place

as snowflakes fall upon hair
they melt beneath the burn
no breathe could I take to lie
The cold I expected would make
it a lesson that I should learn

Instead the mist of Winter
escapes my frozen lips
all that came out as a whisper
was this,

*Turn! Please, just turn.

repeat yourself over and over
wield words as your weapon
repeat it as many times you need
until you drown beneath
your own perception

Tell the boy you fell in love with that you don't appreciate his lust, tell the girl your dreaming of that she's the only one you think of

Shout out to the universe
that you're unimpressed
Scream in the face of the world
that you deserve only the best

Get into the face of the *****,
or the *******,
that hurt you the most
and insist you are worth
the air you breathe, make sure
*you're extremely verbose

Of course I fit!!!

I've jumped up and down
so hard to be just a part
of your rounded off society

but I fit, you see!

My squared off edges
bit into your rounded fat ***
but clearly, I fit
albeit, not perfectly

but I sit halfway
in the middle
it's an uncomfortable fit
but

**I fit, ******!

Just so you know, this is really long.... like reallllyyy long :)
Found this while going through some old word docs on my computer. I took my HP Words Used in order and made them into a poem....

Just like day  
life will know  
that time will  
make eyes  
at a heart  
Love will depart
night has left  
Gone away  
You want to  
face a world  
inside words  
I think  
in the end  
head is sorry  
to say  
the hand really  
tried little  
to look pretty  
beneath a soul  
Body is not right  
skin is brittle  
breath is long  
thought is lost  
in a cold way  
touch will lay  
in the light home  
lips cause pain  
he's callous  
in his hold  
Try to be open  
perfect is gone  
I wanted, hated trying  
to still feet at the bed  
Sure, you asked  
with a smile and hope  
going beyond
all things death  
dark voice  
tears live inside
a red place  
darkness makes things
small  
sitting doesn't  
mean walk  
My wish is just waiting  
for a kiss to hide  
easy dreams feel  
it’s been years  
since my friend  
became my man  
I got tired of lying  
You came to the floor  
rain was happy to sit  
but it took to the ground  
and hell has hands that
held sleep longer  
than it took to fall  
a song, perchance?  
We pretend to dance  
for hours before the door  
will be ready to close  
The start of the old sun days  
standing gentle, saw hurt  
today, in the mirrored glass  
she's ready to tell  
the blood moon  
mind the lie  
thinking on a broken  sigh  
Even if the door  
looked broken  
it wasn't  
I won't waste minutes  
to stand outside  
I matter enough  
to leave
on a high  
looking free  
Beyond a black moment  
set in stone  
is the dream from long ago  
indeed, all it will need  
is a girl to slowly remember  
the past  
Leaves that are dead  
are hard to beat  
I knew, I felt  
at the table  
I was naked  
but with a good morning  
talk was easy to stay  
I rest on yesterday  
and wonder turned  
and makes me question
If goodbye takes reason  
I hear it does  
Soft hate in arms  
that blind the eye  
drink from the earth  
for fear comes  
to make me forget  
I sleep beneath a sky  
deep in coming memories  
the word of the new  
silky hair and sharp fingers  
don’t care to fly in the breeze  
far from being beautiful  
it sat boringly  
saying ok  
bring me to the baby  
as tiny antidotes
goes to play  
white in the snow,
Wrong is a thing of beauty  
that would not ask for wings  
Don’t miss the woman  
tomorrow where a line  
is crossed and being afraid  
half I died when dirt  
skidded beneath the car  
understand the bare turn  
are just thoughts and guess  
best is the taste
of a single truth
Die for your god  
the fact can be
different  
It sits I believe  
and is best seen  
on a more secular path  
Sweet entreaties stop  
your simple time in space  
caught softly as you walked  
I whisper to your integrity  
in the middle I remain  
demons  cut   oh  
It’s worth leaving  
without an answer  
Gently emotion  
rounds the corner  
step into my headspace  
it knows , It’s tried  
sad that it died so young  
Street hugs the silence  
silently lies are whispered  
Never a mistake  
been left so hungry  
10w fight against the walls  
I gave eyes to watch  
No question, no touch
Warm people are real  
sound and emotions  
are holding friends true  
begin where the door closed  
an angel on the phone  
choice is not in the looks  
rainbow glitter is spent  
on children at the edge  
of a gaze, their scream  
is big, asking to sing  
angry at snow sheets  
bent listening for escape  
You've wondered  
you couldn't tell  
we've all been listening  
you'll spend seconds  
maybe hot  
wanting forever  
to run from Hell
Room for better hearts
pure agony  
for those that fell  
Able fingertips glow  
heartbeats listen  
and actually loved  
piece of blue mystery*
Precious lullaby of Love  
yes we cry bleeding  
into an ocean of wind  
I was told you stopped  
to stare  
watching all laid bare
while outside roses  
ancient but never picked  
found sin  
in a riot of colour  
You noticed, janet  
what's her name
was a 10  
Lies sense used words
that break bone  
make you wait  
staring accusingly  
but continue needs  
are watched next to the river  
breakfast was bad  
Times lets us all think
everything is fine  
stars burn, decided reality  
is warmth with a mate  
pick one from the universe  
Memory sits beneath a tree  
second to understanding
mist curls in breeze
bright and tight  
the image in the mirror  
walks with eyes closed  
and watches with ears instead  
Crack is bound to break
a road  
captured and cracked  
My dear  
I claim  
I waited  
seven miles away  
Your date with gabriel  
was met with silent curse  
Tonight was fun  
I mouth in anger  
Kisses from the pocket  
breathe laughter  
I just feed apart  
from the burning lonely cry
I heard form short  
of being born  
strong lives taken  
shed simply  
dropped to knees  
trapped in lot  
of empty heat  
Early I ran  
in a body that holds scars  
point at my pants
dry pockets frown  
Quietly over coffee  
summer fed a knife  
with a grace  
that never cared  
if sisters weep  

19/12/2013

If I had a Dollar
for all the times I trusted you
when you said
There will be No Regrets
Oh wait…
I did
and I was finally able
to buy a packet of cigarettes

If I had a Dollar
for all the times I remembered
when you said
Baby, you’re the only one
Oh wait…
I did
and I was finally able
to buy a packet of chewing gum

If I had a Dollar
for all the times I listened
when you said
My Darling, you do that well
Oh wait…
I did
and I finally bought a ticket
out of this Hell

If I had a Dollar
for all the times
I regretted
all the things
I heard
and reviled everything
that you said
I’d be Rich
beyond my wildest dreams
And my dreams
are so poor
I would even pay you
A Dollar
to take them
from my head

I said

Come on! It's time to go to bed. Let us not be wandering through the internet right now listening to 80's songs that seemed right, oh say, 20 years ago. We can't be doing this! I'm tired, take me to bed, put me to rest!

then
I said

*******! Get the **** outta my head! Why do you bother me with your prissy little frilly consciousness then berate me with sleeplessness when I try to accommodate your whiny **** and actually go to bed! You torment me with images of that would be dead to me if you just let me load myself up but, no! You insist that I get myself up... and go... to bed... I'd rather sleep when I'm dead!

then
I said

Well what's the point of hanging around inside brain dead cyberspace keeping me thinking that I'm never going to keep up the pace and while your kissing PaULO4FuN do you stop to think that perhaps I may be done? Do you not feel that burning behind your eyes? The impaired vision is my doing! I'm trying to hinder you by disguise.... Come On!!!! I'm tired.....

so
I said

Really? Is that you doing that? Then why the HELL do I pay $12 per bottle of wine which I consume by the vat? And if you're so almighty as to be able to provide such a welcoming buzz why do you feel the need to hammer me while I'm trying to drift, cocooned, in a nice warm fuzz?

sigh
I said

Please, believe me, I say this with all honesty, your nothing but a drunken piece of lint that would not like to be picked out of a belly button on a good day but you're all I've got, and until you pass out I continue to see the rest of the world as just one great big inkblot... Go to ******* bed... for the love of Satan.... Please!

I said

I'm going already. Keep your shirt on

I said

Good! but I'll believe it when your gone

I said

Nasty *****, I better sleep well tonight

I said*

Drunken cow... if you make it to bed, I'll make it right

*I can only trust me...

No one can understand what you're going through...

Is the comment I just read!

No one can understand...*

But I can.

A single mother, forced by necessity
To be, mother, father, right and wrong
Standing beside your children
as they laid your body, so strong
into the ground... The cold ground
Gone forever, lost to sound
Lost to the screams of a heart torn apart
Deaf to the pleas to come back to us
Silently, as you lay down to rest
You left behind the part of you that was always the best.

Now, there's nowhere left to go
The empty lounge, the empty bed
The empty path to walk alone?

Where do I go now?

Now that your lying quietly
hidden from the demons
that arrested your life?

Where do I go now?

Your presence was a dark stain
upon my soul.
Why must I pay the price?

Where do I go now?

As sure as I am that I'd need several paragraphs to dance across the page it simply occurs to me that I'm not only a single player upon the stage but one of many that dance within this troupe and if I had to say something I'd have to step outside the group and pronounce soliloquy except that's not what this is about because I'm not the star upon this stage and I've never really studied the page but in this single sentence I've bought about a truly remarkable find insofar as I find it's easy to write a single sentence and make it work almost as easily as Miley Cyrus can twerk except it's December you see and at the end of the ignorance and loneliness it's just me.

Imperfect lines carved into skin
etched in deep by sharpened pin
tiny road maps to insanity
little. tiny. tracks. of inhumanity

Gouged into a perfect slate
filled with blood and sealed with hate
a rutted path to macabre damnation
no salvation in the ruination

A meandering road in total eclipse
from empty eyes to barbed wired lips
to the broken heart so badly stitched
stretching all the way to apocalypse

Fragmented memories line the paths
edged by tears of broken glass
echoing in silence of words unsaid
these are roads even the dead fear to tread

She may have closed the door
but you nailed it shut
You refused to hear her weeping
while you sat upon your ****
Your back against the door
Where you occasionally bang your head
Needles hanging from your veins
Demons not waiting for you
To. Be. Dead.
She sat upon the other side
listening through the door
her good eye against the keyhole
until she heard you breathe no more
Along an empty hall of dust
that ends in a pit of flames
that carries centuries of souls
to their everlasting shame
She sat upon that dirt floor
thinking she was the one to blame
if only you had turned the ****
or just whispered her name...

I have scratched out my journey across a mountain of pages and each and every time I’ve filed away a book, I’ve mourned the trees, compassion is not something I lack.

I have been thankful that they took each and every step with me and as each notebook closes I retreat to my back yard to plant another seed.
I’m happy to give back.

The million litres of ink that have been bleed beneath my fingers and have spread to stain my hands as my life raced across the pages has not been spilled in vain if one day the moldy old box is opened and the dust is blown from the covers and a futuristic version of me delights in the find, and hears beyond the echo of the scratching of tortuous proportions to see a life that was fun filled pain.

So much chatter, most of it doesn’t matter, little tidbits float along on a swollen creek that has never actually seen much rain.

Tiny little letters run across a barren land and accidentally collide into one another because they have no coherency while all the Big words sit in their gilded towers and watch, and wait, drinking the finest Port they can find while mocking the chaos below with ridicule and disdain.

Little bits and pieces have been scattered to the wind...
Thrown into the air, as an offering of peace, to the ancient scourge that is the birds.

I guess this would probably make much more sense if I could only just find the right words….

Jan 9 (two thousand and something)

I trace your faded prints upon the dirt
around them, mud congeals to form my hurt
failing falling stars confuse my path

I shuffle feet for miles but stay inert
all false the trails refusing to subvert
antipathetic strands to stir my wrath

The trees all flay themselves to spill the secrets
thou swore undying oath to never keepest
lest all worlds align to hide the truth

Pausing, taking breaths beneath the deepest
floors of pits that tenderly would keep us
undestined, lost and wild to know our youth

And seek you out I must, I must, I will,
at universe's end, a galaxy
where we would rest, reborn; become, to be
where every breath relaxes into still

Ever will you walk alone, until
you witness me in my entirety
Come, my unforgotten one, you see
arrival less one is a bitter pill

I have a neighbour, he's going on 98
I don't really know him but I don't hate
how he gets up every morning at 6am
and rambles in his garden even when
I'm trying to sleep late
I walk my dog around my neighbourhood
and people nod and say hello
but I'm no more interested in their lives
then a passing glance and smile
as I walk towards my humble home
I live amongst many lives
that fracture against themselves
they may be semi religious, or zealots
but I could never tell
Just as I walk these streets
uncaring of a Diety
I couldn't give a single thought
to if you went to church this morning
I couldn't care less if your knees are bruised
from going down in prayer several times
I don't give a passing flippancy
If you woke this morning at 10am
and your first drink was Wine
I don't particularly know my neighbours
except for passing smiles and nods
I don't particularly care for religion
and I don't care to know God

I wrote a poem for you, it cried
I painted a picture but it lied
I made a movie of still images
complete with the music I bled
Still, it left so many things unsaid
It wasn't enough for you
It wasn't enough for me
The path unspoken, forever broken
is so easy, in blindness, to see
Another day, someone's heartbeat
washes up silently upon the shore
beached upon an unforgiving earth
they think of Life no more
Each battle scar carved upon flesh
in a moment of Self Flagellation
is an answer to a deeper question
beyond our own imagination
I see you curled upon the floor
I bleed for you, I've been there before
You feel like its not worth it
This Life you have been given
But before you cut it down
Why don't you try living?

Autumn sips from Winters cup
Swallowing deeply of the breeze
Last leaf trembling has had enough
Releasing itself from yonder trees

Expelled upon the bleaching earth
It's colour is an obscene attractant
To note that which will die at birth
Bleeds into pale as its exactment

It screams 'oh colour me red/gold from death
to succour barren earth in the hours I dream
return my memories before I was colourless
until once again, my true colours  are seen

Adventuress my life comes,  with a price
Courageously I recolour a score more than thrice

boldly do we stand
next to each other
wearing last seasons colours
but we're holding hands

It doesn't matter

that we couldn't dress
to this years fashion
or hide our blemishes
we dress with passion
we've escaped to our own
private place, a secluded island
where the clothes we've shed
lay as rags, they no longer matter

I stand before you
unadorned by Lace
or Satin, nor Ribbons
just Skin, and Lust
just a body, and face
that adores you
without a trace
of tattered rags
or Princess dress
naked before you
*I look my best

in the moment you realise
that crazy glue is useless
staring at the shattered shards
wondering out loud
whats going to fix this?

somehow, I don't think crazy glue
can put this **** back together
I'm think maybe it needs silicone
or a big arsed concrete cement mixer

looking at the pieces that spread
like a big mess that makes no sense
I shake my head at the crazy glue
in my hand and whisper
*you're just not up to this task my friend

the same aches
the same pains

the more you suffer
the more i bleed

the more you try
the more i succeed

the more you exert
the more i recede

the same loneliness
the same lost cause

the more you race ahead
the more i pause

the same hurts
the same lies

the same taunts
the same cries

the more you hurt
the more I try

to make you realize

the same heart beats
underneath a broken rib
the more you draw breath
the more painfully I live

enough of your foolish folly
return to your oyster shell
re~polish your dull exterior
relive the moment before
being wrenched from your
existence. Be glad. Acknowledge
the close confines of which you dwell
Take nourishment from inside
the cage that keeps you warm
Hardened arms that shelter you
from the storm. A closed mouth
that speaks not of freedom
remaining  tight lipped
leaving you guarded but unwarned
Oh, yea pearl uncultured,
unappreciating of the body
that bred, unyielding
such opalescent perfection
once ripped from the flesh
dull will you wink in indescretion
tied to a string alongside other
conquests. Just a trophy
of your latest obsession

I don't think we did

I know we both remember
those nights so long ago
when all our  limbs would tremble
as we thought we would know
... it wouldn't last

but it did

Still we face another day
and skin to skin we touch
Our hearts remember
We belong together
but only by so much

I thought we did

Did you forget the Summer night
we camped out by the stream?
Nature blessed us with a beautiful night
and blessed me with a dream

I remember it did

Did you forget about the night
on the sheepskin on the floor
Eternal love is when I look into eyes
of our Daughter created that night
who we both adore

I know you didnt

No two lives are ever the same
and for that I won't take blame
We're opposites but a perfect match
we got lost inside the game

I think we did*

Laying next to you
in the dark of night
is the only thing
in this world
that keeps me sane

Vows whisper across skin
beneath our fingertips
asking you and me?
and the answer would be,

*We will never forget

I only lost lobe,
My hearing is just perfect
standing to my left

Broken dreams and cast stones
I've bared the burden
now simply rather collect dust.

In every line I breath as in life I simply decay
its all a blast till you see it for what it never was to begin with

Fallen stars and dim lit thoughts cast a jaded view over the night
And it's always a dream just before the nightmare takes hold

When the nightmare begins, I like to technicolor dream
I see the abyss for the small ditch it could be
I see a puddle of tears that won't become a river
never would I cry so incessantly, weep then move on

We can't erase the scars that choke on a dark night
we cant fight the hands that want to hold us down
broken dreams are signs we are ready for the fight
*and every line is the only thing we can own

As you know, over the last couple of days, I've posted some about plagiarism and stolen poetry.
Plagiarism is a disgusting practice. It undermines the whole art of writing, be it novelic or poetic or any other kind of writing where the author has pieced together words that are their own. To copy and paste and present as your own is sinful and most colleges and universities (and the whole literary world) takes a dim view of it.
So, this is one simple tip, in the age of the Internet, to ensure your work is not claimed by some... wannabe!
Take a line from one of your poems, just one line (the more obscure the better) open google and go to the advanced search. Paste that line into where it says 'search for exact phrase' and review the matches. It will show exactly where on the Internet is has been posted or shared and you can check out whether you have been acknowledged or not. I've had poems shared on the WWW and have been happy to be acknowledged but have also found sone unauthorised (posted in the name of others) where I have made it known they breached copyright...
Take care of your writing my friends... it's the one true part of you :)