It is so different for everyone...

Some wake up to breakfast in bed and others make breakfast for all.

Some get expensive gifts from their husbands and some open $5 presents that were lovingly chosen from a school Mothers Day stall.

Some mourn for a Mum who is no longer here
but honor her anyway with a thought and a tear.

Others wonder where their mothers are,
do they care about their children or
did she wake this morning knowing they are not far...
just so far away...

All that woke today
know they had a Mother
in some way
It's nice to know,
somewhere in the world
someone whispered

Happy Mothers Day

On this day I held your hand
as you took your last breath
as the darkness claimed your life
I sunk within its depth
I followed you into the darkness
for I could not let you go
You let me come for a time
then you told me as it is so
That I must remain behind
I could not follow you
as I howled inside the pain
you whispered words so true
All that I have taught you
are all the things I hold dear
All the things I imparted to you
are all the reasons you can’t stay near
In a few short weeks you will be 72
but numbers have no meaning
There is no reason to the years gone by
Time can be so fleeting
So I raise my glass to you, My Daddy
as time will never tell
If you found your own piece of Heaven
while I struggle through my own Hell

Beautiful, reborn
to a life you could not be
But you are not me

I am hunted for
my beauty for all to see
Pinned upon a board

My wings pulled outwards
stretched tight for the world to see
You still don’t see me

An exhibition
Another crucifixion
on a piece of wood

I appreciate
that you want to capture love
by my perfect form

but don't kill me so
you can set yourself free, just
Appreciate me

Do not pin me up
like a poster child of love
I am more like you

Creature of beauty
that is bound by a duty
To be, not to do

Red
       tulips

I'm gasping as he held me
tightly

I love Red tulips,
they're my favorite

I can't remember the question
but that was the answer

I'm riding a prized stallion
trying to slow him into a walk
he's kicking up a fuss, bucking me

Then there's the slap
Crack

and an apology
a kiss
       a caress

the question is asked again

the answer is the same
(now I remember)

Red tulips

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirrored surface

Damn! I'm pretty!

surgical steel slips through the gaps
of the imperfect protection
designed to guard a heart
with room to twist

Even in a haze of red
I'm still damned pretty

Laying on a mound of freshly dug earth
are
     a hundred
                     Red tulips

He didn't forget

I was struggling with the demons
that sat on the bar stool
on the left, groping me

He was standing to the right
his arm around my shoulders
curling his long fingers in the hair
at the nape of my neck
while laughing at something
someone or other said

Then he glared at the demons on my left
and they just laughed
and continued to touch me
inappropriately
I hung my head in shame
roiling in the pain of my animosity

He tipped my face towards him
with one finger
angling my eyes away from the demons
with a smirk on his seriously kissable sensual lips
his face dipped to my upturned gaze
he laid his lips to mine

Then he bit
hard
rubies dripped to the ground
to lay at my feet
drip
      drip
            drip
precious stones that fell
at my feet
laying unwanted by even the demons
that had retreated

He licked the rubies from my lips
as sapphires shone from his eyes
turning to emeralds
glaring at the demons on my left
as diamonds drip
from my tightly clenched thighs

Owned
like a semi precious stone
unwanted like Silver
or
   Gold

Held onto for worth
but not really worth it

I'll never forget

He was bent over
almost in half

bent over a pool table
concentrating on the next play
but there were no balls
on the table
just a body
dressed in gray sweatpants
a holey shirt, and only one shoe

The pool cue was chalked with blood
but his hands were steady

Crack

Splintering wood against bone
fractures symphonic ally
in tune with ancient jukebox greats
warbling the hurts
of somebody done someone wrong

but I don't want a piece of that...

that which has spread someone
who never meant anything to me
across the green of the pool table
trying to punt individual pieces of them
into six different holes

I'm shadowing myself in the corner
next to the jukebox
but his eyes find mine and I'm surprised

his are Blue
like an ocean
like a cloudless sky
like a sapphire under the sun
like a fire burning too hot
like deep frozen ice

His seriously kissable sensual lips
tip enticingly upwards
in my general direction
asking... imaging

He with you?

asking but not believing

you with him?

Mutely, I wither beneath the notice
and nod with a shake of my head

I'm not here, I'm not here, I'm not here

But here I am being scrutinized
from a different angle

In front of me
he's standing, tracking my gaze
to the non action at the pool table
now over, there is a new game in play
but he didn't ante in
as he found a new game

Me

and the stakes are high!

A finger runs lightly down my cheek
across my collarbone and down the V
of my deeply cut T shirt
skimming knuckles across the slopes
of barely there maturity
down the inside of my arm to my wrist
to the palm of my hand
twining into my numb fingers
raising them to press a open mouthed kiss
to my white knuckles

with a promise of
I know where you live

Out the door, alone, across the parking lot
and into the car I own
he's watching
waiting for me to turn my back on him
and he's got it
he'll find me

I realize as I close a door
that has little hope
and less lockable appeal
that he does indeed now know
where I live

He won't forget

Cupid came to me one night
to offer me a proposition
but I’d spent all night
drinking Tequila shots
and I was too drunk to listen

I forgot that I had called upon
the God
that could make it happen
Then everything turned
surreal
By the time he turned up
I was too out of it
to understand what was real

I gave him the once over
with a look that would have burnt
most Witches at the stake
He sat next to me
and ordered another round
but I noticed
as I took the next shot
he did not
And he refused to partake

Then the conversation went like this ~

Drink up you pussy I said
He came back with
My God, your such a lush!

Well that that didn’t hurt by far
Much!

I gave him a shove
and stuck my nose in his face
and proudly declared
You don’t fit well in this place!

He picked up a drink and downed it
in just one swallow
And then another, and another
then another did follow

By the time it was over
Cupid was able to slur

I’m so sick of being alone

So I tucked him under my arms
And I took him to my home

The next morning, bright and early
I gave my house guest
Bacon and Eggs
All I got as a Thank You
for my hospitality
was an arrow full of Lead!

Dearest Tommy
I think of you every night
I lay awake listening to the thunder
and the lightening, and the rain
on the old tin roof
(which is leaking again by the way)
but during the day
I can't hear it, I'm so busy staying sane
Just want you to know, even though
it's only been 2 months I'm thinking
of you, again

My Heart, Melissa
I'm thinking of you out in the desert
there are 50 million stars
and several stray bullet tracers
but they can never mar the beauty
of the night sky, from where I lie
thinking of you and maybe...
our babe? Don't leave my hanging
sweetheart, give me a hint
to make my darkest day

I LOVE U!

Dear Tommy
The mailman came again today
with no news from you, I can't pretend
that it didn't light a fuse beneath my temper
but I understand you are busy and it is September
Autumn months where life lies fallow
I'm not trying to be shallow
I'm just trying to plug up the leaks
there is no babe, I'm sorry (I'm not)
but it's cold and life is bleak
without you

Darling Melissa
I'm hearing you cry out to me
I'm getting your letters but you're
not seeing me? How can that be?
I want you to know that each grain
of sand that I pour out of my boots at night
I count as minutes spent away from you
and I'm seeing you beyond sight
when I close my eyes under stars
that don't shine for you in your universe
and I'm sorry for that
but under each shining light, I pretend
that your looking up at the same star
and you are whispering what we rehearsed...
No matter where you are, you are my star.
Remember?

Love your Tommy

Dear Tom
The leak was fixed last week by Steven Treadle
remember him from High School
He played football for a little while
and then he decided college football wasn't for him
so he decided on a trade and now he's a roofer
He wanted to be a soldier but his injury prevented him
He's doing well, here in Suburbia...

and with me...
I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, so sorry
but he's here for me...
I'm so sorry
but Tommy

I Loved you
and the idea of you and me
but Tommy
I need someone by me...

Sorry

the last response Melissa received
was not a letter
from Tommy
but an Official
Sorry
from the Military
but it was never
as sorry
as Melissa felt
that Tommy
may have
(or may have not)
received her last
Sorry
or the Hell
it may have spelt

She emerged from the mist of a never ending fairy tale that was mistaken as a horror story and spread her wings to breathe death upon all who sort to strip from her the scales that had bought her glory and wrought death and destruction early on roaring I love to wake in the morning to the smell of chicken cacciatore!

But the days turned to weeks turned to months turned to forever when they just went on and on and the people she once terrorized died and turned to dust (if they escaped her justice) and she never aged one day over time. She sat back and snorted as her rage curled like smoke from a dying fire and contemplated that all her rage had dissipated and she had lost all her spark with her diminishing ire…

So she retreated to her lair deep in the Carpathians to contemplate her too long fate and only ever emerged to hunt (yes, she still ate) Her motto of Meat is fair game never changed, she was Dragon, her physiology stayed the same but she made sure it was a clean kill, out of necessity, not borne of fear and went back to her cave to lick her tail while studying her navel and sniffing back the occasional tear

On a particularly cold and blustery night, a bard, who was following the latest in season ‘now’ knight lost his way and stumbled into her cave and gave both of them a fright. She recognized his poet heart and he recognized her, from the start and she agreed not to eat him if he carried her musing to the heart of the people… so began a mutual understanding of the words that would be impart

She understood that her words would be the water that slaked a raging fire and would show others that she was angry but they had nothing to fear from her in the least and when she spoke and accidently let loose the fire in her heart then she felt contrite but there was nothing she could do about her inner beast.

All she wanted was the world to know that she had something to say and it was important that they looked beyond what they saw with their own eyes and ignored her form and looked into her heart.

She ate the bard, he was a tasty treat. She realized she was able to speak to the world, without interference because she was otherwise human and could embrace that part.
PS:

She still occasionally terrifies small children and is partial to animals for a quick snack but she remembers to walk among the village with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye and knows that her words will give back :)

stacked high at the end of Seventh St
in a darkened alley, as high as seven feet
is a condominium of empty dreams and hope
falling down in the rain, slipping down the slope
home to many of one of the finally lost
coming home, breathing crystals of frost
averaged by the meaning of the total cost
Here, they are no more less, than garbage tossed
stacked high at the end of Seventh St
where home and hearth is just a heartbeat
where a pillow under the head is just concrete
there is nothing less than a lie, a thief or a cheat
and laying on the ground, with nothing to eat
is an act of defiance but the moment is fleet
stacked high the end of Seventh St
in an alley that echoes with the sound of defeat
compressed paper layers become home complete
here lays just one person,
inside his castle of cardboard,
blessing the Virgin Mary for his penthouse suite

when you're on the backwards slide?
your ass is pointing forward
and you're seeing all the mistakes
that you failed to hide...
it's a slippery ride

do you know how you know?

you've reached the very bottom?
It's like a gut shot
that you slap your hands over
but your life still spills at your feet
you continue to hold on
trying to push it back inside of you
until it becomes completely obvious
it's time to die,
a time to weep

do you know how you know?

When it's time to fight back?
it's when you are so sick of being
the 3 things you fear

Pitiful, Paranoid, Pathetic

you've rejected the first
you deny the second
and the third is something
you listen to but it is just
another voice in your ear
another buzz in the void

Life ain't no club sport
there is no pat on the back
from a weaker player,
there's no recrimination
from the stronger slayer
there is no encouragement
from the pack

do you know how you know?

You've made it?

it's in the sunshine that dines
on your bloodshot irises
to eat away at the decay
It's in the whisper of a breath
through dry cracked lips
that shouts...
it's different this morning
becauseToday
is not Yesterday

do you know how you know?

how it will be tomorrow?

face in the crowd
...picture in a cloud
....thought disallowed
.....disgraced head, bowed

free ride
...heart open wide
....holding the lie inside
.....place, nowhere to hide

casual flirtation
...fine temptation
....lost translation
.....unique damnation

pair of eyes open wide
...unfaltering stride
....disgrace that is implied
.....slippy slope just to slide

So many small things occupy my mind

There are major revelations,
some minor hesitations and
some absolute truths
that just seem to get my back up
but only one truth.
It seems to circle around
and round
inside my tiny little brain
to come about to smack me
up the back of my head
trying to insinuate a sensibility
that I will always lack.

I heard the other day that you died.

It wasn't because fate intervened,

it wasn't the wrong place or wrong time...

You called the end to yourself...

The sadness I felt was not my pain at your demise
It was your pain, your ultimate decision
to decide that you were no longer worthy
to live, with a smile on your face, but with death
in your eyes.
You decided you could no longer live
beneath your disguise.

And we all thought it was ok that you went that way...

It was appropriate that you went out
in a blaze... be it of glory or opportunity
no matter how hard we tried to be disgusted
you, my friend, went your way.

So alright!

I know you didn't feel any pain
because you got what you wanted,
an end to the insurmountable mountains
less steps to climb, less breaths to take,
less mistakes to make, less truths to find

But tell me...

As you stand there in front of me, at the end of my bath
and watch me take the blade and make the cut,
do you laugh?
Do you mock me for my efforts to leave this world
of pain, do you pity me for my pretense or could you
sit for a moment and let me explain?

Could you sit for a moment and explain it to me?

Because I don't want to be here, but I don't want to be there.
I don't think you are there,
to greet me
I don't think there would be anyone on the other side,
to meet me.
There would be no one to say
"Hey... welcome?"

There would be no looking beyond the scars,
there would be no hanging around the stars
shining brightly upon all that was left.
There would just be anger and unjustified angst
and a small amount of amusement, just enough
to leave the bereaved that little less bereft.

I think about you everyday, and the way you died
I think about it everyday and even though I tried
I've never been able to to be happy for you
because you were able to escape
I've always been angry with you
that you regretted all you gave
your wounds where so raw and your actions
never, ever seemed to take shape

I share your same helplessness but I can't cut
any deeper because I see your eyes in your
Son and Daughter

and in them I see you
in them I see Love
in them I see me
and what I can give

and I know that I can survive the pain
if I look into their eyes,
which beg me to live!

Sitting in bath water gone cold
like a body that has expelled a child
There is no life left in the womb
but the outer shell will live for a while

So, thank you for your visit
I'll be ok, I'm alright
I'm stronger than emotions
that want to strangle me in the night

I know you died a painful death,
in the end you made it all wrong
please don't dance upon my empty grave
I think, just this one time
where you were weak
I'll be strong