Every time I look
she kills me with
that look.

How can you not see that you get to choose?
What- too drained by the never-ending news feed, too blinded by the electronic glare, too mired to glance above the stumbling blocks strewn across the way?
Your internal and external worlds aren’t meant to be made of only the material.
Consumption and awareness are not two of the same.

You pause before you lie to yourself.
“I’m done caring. I’ve cared too much.”
It wouldn’t hurt if you were done. The issue isn’t of too much, but of what.
You’ve invested yourself in a delusion, breeding only empty rewards.
Look beyond.

The color display of bent light in a raindrop, the warmth of touch passing between you and the one at your side, the nothing to something infinity of our universe-
It’s all breathtaking, it’s all beautiful, it’s all heart-rending, it’s all-consuming.
It’s all connected to, from you.

No one will ever again experience the world as you.
Life’s not about figuring out who you want to be.
It’s just about
being.

You’re in the city for a change,
Small theater,
Your fifteen person group spans across the whole front row.
He comes out immediately after the show,
Your coach, who gave you back the sport you love,
Who never said it was too hard or gave up.
You make sure you stand right next to him-
He’s so genuinely excited you’re all there, it’s infectious.
Your mom immediately lines everyone up for a picture
But even though she takes forever,
No one’s smile fades to fake.
And in that moment, surrounded by belonging and voices and laughter,
You don’t have to try to figure it all out.
You just get to be
     Happy.

when you hit the like button,
and the heart turns red,
or you reshare my work,
it revives me.
Someone always likes something.
Oh and how heartwarming it is
when you leave me a comment.
It fills my spirit,
to know you like what I wrote,
and you cared enough
to read my words.
For you, the viewer,
I respect you.
Everything you are.
I read your comments,
each and every one.
I appreciate them all,
and this is how I thank you.
I really love
how you build me up,
and how you are there for me
when I need you.
Thank you truly
from the bottom of my heart.
You truly make me
bleed diamonds.

you want me to write
about happy things,
but i like to write
dark things.
You tell me you favor the happy ones,
but do you not like the dark ones
because they are true?
Because they come so close to reality?
Do you feel what I feel?
Have you dealt with the things I have?
I wish you could tell me.
But people live in silence
and that is just simply
how the world works.

It started with once a week.
"Just to calm my nerves"
Then twice a week.
"Not a big deal."
Thrice
"I'm fine"
Everyday.
Twice a day
"I'll be ok," you say "I only light up once in a while"
Since when dose  five times a day equal to once in a while?
"Im not like them" you say
But you are
Running,
Hiding,
Pushing it all away,
Just like them.
Then you stoped hiding behind the smoke.
You act happy
You pretend you're better
Fooling some, fooling yourself, but to me your crystal clear.
You're far from better
You stopped smoking.
But what of those marks?
Like rivers up your arm.
Paranoid you've become
"More" is your only care
You'll never catch the dragon
You're falling
Drowning
Dying
Outside showing your inner dread
The hunger is consuming you
Hiding it is no longer an option
Your mother is a mess, whose all alone
Your father, long dead
Friends stopped calling
So please wake up
We need you
I need you
So please
Kick this addiction
Tackle your demons
Now I'm starting to drown along side of you
I miss you, I need you
So please
Come home
I won't judge
I just want you whole again
Please...
Try again
Please...
Before we both slip away

Love bleeds
From my body
In lay...
And yet
You still insist
To stay...

Today,
is 4/6/16.
It is 7:46 pm.
And my childhood friend
just died
41 minutes ago.
No lie,
no joke.
I cry as I write this one,
my eyes are probably swollen,
and I know
he wouldn't want me to cry.
But,
I look at the pictures I have of him,
how he seemed so happy.
I held him in my arms,
just hoping he'd eat something,
at 5:10 pm today.
He hadn't been eating for days,
he couldn't stand up.
My friend's name was scooter.
Scooter was the best pet I could have asked for.
He was the main attraction at my home,
because he was a pig.
Such a lovable pig.
He was just like a dog, but better.
That pig could make me smile any day.
He used to dance.
He used to oink so cutely.
I am gonna miss him for sure.
I just know it.
With that, I end this one.
With tears in my eyes,
I wish you a final goodbye.
I will always love you, buddy.
R.I.P
my dear, dear scooter.