I want to wander among the leaves
that have fallen so carefully around me
they haven't hindered who I am
but they have showed me a new path
and I want to find where it's twists and turns end
beneath the snow and throughout my bones
I'm lost on this new path to an uncertain home
and I'm left without a reality to ground me
only to rely on something so far outside of me
I feel so alone with this emptiness that surrounds me
only filling each hole when I'm threatened to drowning

the moon is my only friend.
in darkness I pretend.

I will never be the perfect time piece.
always early, sometimes late.
I won't keep you detained
by my hands on your heart.

unless you want me to.

each second will seem longer than the last
and I can't promise that
it won't get tricky
being my wrist.

I'm so unhappy
being this being
of unresolved
uncomforts and broken
unrealistic dreams
of wanting to be a new
something without a way
of becoming
it's this pain so deep
even I can't reach it
in a place where only I can feel it
and I smile and wave
while people say
"wow, she looks so happy"
but I fake so much
I almost think it's real
and then I'm reminded
with a tear stained window
that I've never been so unhappy

the problem is,
I never really wanted to be loved.
held and kissed,
maybe.
but my heart has always been my own.
cherished by no one.
only crushed when hope was
left to roam.

all the pretty people
with pretty little faces
fake little hearts
and interrupting gazes
laughing away empty tears
loaded guns whisper in their ears
bottles of pills, personally filled
fake pretty people in millions of pretty pieces

drop me in the ocean,
let my arms wave.
let me drown
in the waters uncharted
and regained.
balloons floating above me,
filled with my unconscious dreams.
I struggle and tug at the strings strangling me