a creature of
fear
anxiety
paranoia

driven by
hate of self
love for others

scared of
the dark around her
not the dark inside

wanting to
*hurt herself
not the ones she loves

the comfort
of numbness
of white noise
of emptiness
returns to me
an old feeling
hello, old friend

don't you know?
i love you so
so much
i don't know how
to show you
i can say it
i can hug you
i can kiss you
but i can't think of
amazing, breathtaking ways
of making you feel as mushy
inside as you make me
please don't think of it
as laziness or not loving you
my dear, i love you more than you know
i'd fall apart without you
i'd be a mess of flesh and bones
my dear, i need you

and i'm so
afraid to lose you
i find myself
pushing you away
refusing your help
when you try
telling me again
to sit up
straight, and drink
more water, and
do my work
but i'm just
ignoring you again
hurting myself before
time gets a
chance to, or
i somehow break
your beautiful heart

you're the best
thing that's ever
happened to me
so why am
i stopping it
why can't i
control my actions
my ****** up
late night thoughts

A kiss just a kiss until you
   Find the one you love,
A hug is just a hug until
you find the one you're
   always thinking of.

A dream is just a dream
   Until it comes true,

Love was just a word until
   they day I met you.