For each step
I inhale your presence
Stuck in your sight
I evade with shame

Confused with the signs
which tell your desire
To have me
Or to just be

With each caress
I cry my heart
Not to take advantage
Of your kindness

Built with this bond
a caution and limit
of what I can be
For you

But the toxic seeps in
As I fell hopelessly
I try to stand my ground
Too late

Every aimless try
leads me to an abyss
Not just to be a friend
but more than

As I saw you smile
I broke with sweet paradox
Not just of its beauty
But the reason is not me

For months I have wondered
Who you are to me
Merely a friend? Maybe
Or something else I deny

Was it the familiar feel
Or was it the chemistry?
Everyone ties us together
But you cut the rope

You shut me out
I affirm with a smile
Concealing the cuts deep inside
I wallow in internal sadness

I can never be her
I can never replace
I face the truth I am no match
Even a chance is a blur

Sometimes the dark thoughts come
With sabotage, you can split
But will I be the same?
No because you won't

As much as I love having you
It will never compare
To see that sweet smile
Even if I am not the cause

Sa bawat patak ng oras, ako'y nauubos.

Hindi mawaring isipin kung kumusta ka.

Iniisip mo ba ako? O ako lang ba ang nahulog?

Pilit kong itinatanim sa aking isipan na huwag magmadali.

Hayaan ang tadhanang gumawa ng paraan. Bigyang respeto ang tamang pagkakataon. Huwag nating pilitin.



Ngunit kasabay ng pagkumbinsi sa sariling huwag mangialam, nahahati ang aking isipan upang gumawa ng unang hakbang.

Ano nga bang mapapala ko kung hindi ako kikilos? Subalit sasagi sa isip ang posibilidad na mawala ka dahil sa mapupusok kong gawi.



Isang malaking palaisipan ang pag-ibig.

Hindi ito para sa mga mahihina ang puso.

Hindi ito para sa mga taong mabilis mahulog at madaling masaktan.

Minsan napapaisip ako kung bakit pa ba natin ito ginagawa?

Sa dinami-dami ng hirap, sakripisyo, at sakit nitong dulot, talaga bang may patutunguhan?



Sa tagal ng panahong ginugol kong mag-isa, naliwanagan ako sa aking halaga.

Karapat-dapat ako sa pagmamahal na buong-buo at mapagpalaya.

Ngunit, tangina naman. Bakit ganito kahirap mahanap?



Akala ko madali. Iwinaksi ko lahat ng hadlang na maaari kong malampasan.

Ginawan ng paraan at isinaayos ang sarili.

Pagkalingon ko'y ako bigla ang nahuli.

Halos lahat ng aking mga kasabayan nagkaroon na kani-kanilang katambalan.



Ang malas ko naman.

Bakit ako na lang ang hindi nabigyan? Hanggang sa dulo ba ay ganito pa rin?

Parusa ba ito sa salang hindi ko namalayang gawin?

Diyos ko, ano bang magagawa ko?

Anong ginawa ko upang maranasan ito?



Hindi naman sa pagdadrama.

Ang nais ko lamang ay isang makakasama. Iyong makakausap sa araw-araw nang walang sawa.

Iyong magbibigay sa akin ng atensyon at alaga. Ngunit kasabay nito, ako'y handa rin

Na isauli ang pagmamahal na aking nagkakandarapang kunin.



Isang pagkakataon lang po upang magsimula muli ang puso

Makadama ng pagmamahal na tapat at totoo

Makakaasa kayong hindi ko ito isusuko

Anoman ang pagsubok na aming matamo

I never chose to be alone
I was left waiting
as everyone around me
got their own partners
Each and everyone
finding someone
leaving me with a smaller possibility
to find mine
I busy myself
with responsibilities and obligations
no such luck
Certain distractions only last so much
I still wallow in deep thought
about the time I get to meet you, my dear.
I hope it would be perfect
As how they say it would be
With one glance
I'll fall in the abyss
of blissful uncertainty
With love comes the risk
to be vulnerable
the danger to get hurt
But, seeing all these couples around me
makes me desire
the thought of being hurt
because only then
can I know that I love
It is better than this feeling of loneliness.
Bitter images and emptiness
fill my broken hours
of insomniac wonderment
I stare blankly at a wall
keeping my normal self showing
as the world around me falls asleep
I lie awake thinking how unfortunate
it is to never be
someone's first thought in the morning
or someone's last thought of goodnight

It stabs like a knife
As cold strike my back
As your fingers make me twinge
As each bite a peck against my neck

It shoots like a gun
As your touch in bare skin
As your lips send jolts to my collar bones
As your words blast rainbows to my veins

It hangs like a rope
As the air in night conversations
As every stop makes me want more
As the heat surround our tangled bodies

It kills me like all of them combined
As jumping off a cliff
As drowning in an ocean
As living without you

I’m a different girl
I’m one of a kind
The only one in the world
A girl that’s hard to find

An optimistic young woman who laughs and smiles
The exterior look of this girl can hide
The pain that goes for thousands of miles
Always saying “ I’m fine “ as her insides collide

A girl who’s lost in the world of reality
As she dreamt the world away
Finds a way to teleport and be in her fantasy
When she woke up the pain lost its way

I’m the girl who’s good at nothing
The awkward-looking little toddler
Not wanting to be involved in a thing
I’m the quiet one in the classroom corner

My emotions depend on the situation
But right now I’m surely delightful
Because you showed me appreciation
You read the poem that I find very truthful

Hollowed-out, miserable
tears slide across pale cheeks
sitting in the middle of the concrete floor
wishing life has not been so cruel

Bleeding, wrists wounded
as the sharpest blade scrape through soft skin
Locked, the room is most silent
Black dots dance around blurred vision

A loud knock reverberated
white tulips stream down
the earth rattle in harmony
as the siren wails loudly

Needles struck veins
pressure on the bleeding wrist
Frantic, chaos, panic everywhere
But as I closed my eyes, peace came

Last time I wrote a poem
To grieve with my broken heart
I thought I'd give up and surrender
All my desires, fantasies, and feelings

But there came hope amidst
The dark nights of restless dreams
I thought of you--of us
How we can never be

A silver lining places itself
Catching the corner of my eye
It says light up the world--own it
It's your time to shine

I caught a glimpse of wide-eyed perfection
He flashes a smile to me
Utters a string of syllables, a whisper
"Can you be the one for me?"

Glasses empty with sweet brims
I inhale the calm and compassion
comes the soft flutter of sounds
I relax, loosen and finally slip

Drowsiness filled the windows of my soul
each tear bears the ocean of relief
with each passing minute I breathe
my love, my presence, my being

For if each sip of sweetness
a bitter memory to forget floats
the aftertaste of coffee causes
the sour feel of your skin in mine

Never look back for there is nothing
Relapses and rapid impulses be enemies
such cruelty and horrid words
once spoken never goes back in

Release anger and hate, turn away
Substitute smiles and apathy, break down
No longer will you be part forever
of one's once sweetheart couple

With all the guys I met
He's the one I liked the best
Comes through everytime
This little klutz crosses the line

To paint a smile he never fails
"Laughs" at my horrid jokes
Shares his food with everyone
Thus maybe why he's hungry all the time

An open-book-- well, to me mostly
No judgments and fake compliments
But genuine advice and criticism
The truest I have met in years

Maybe it was right that I met him
For some reason I know I need him
Someone to cry on, cling to, and be yourself with
Talk about random things without the days passing

For such a simple guy you'll be mistaken
This one's something special I guarantee
Use my eyes to see
How wonderful this guy could be

On the 5th day of the 10th month
A year ago. I wish for you
Not. I wish for thy presence
And you did

Each day pass by
I felt what you give
Nothing mattered
as I slowly fall into forever

Rush thoughts and emotions
two years worth of us
Gone with just a hasty decision
I better be happy

For there were no goodbyes
and broken hearts.
Only closed mouths and
shy confrontations

Desperation crept
I can no longer contain
the ocean of blue and yellow
Because I would rather be

The one hurt and
the one who you left
rather regretting the
end-of-it I said

Tears. Every night
Shadows become friends
to hide the pain
from everyone else

Now, your absence dear
makes it clear
that we are no longer
and can never be

Heavy drops of liquid clear
pour down and erase my ennui
my thoughts travel through the atmosphere
as I wonder how I miss thee

All hope lost when time became my enemy
tasks to do, forms to fill, I say, I’m sorry
Apology has not much effect
because my fearful timid self still neglect

Your sweetness is my absolute downfall
still waiting and hoping that each night, you’ll call
Tonight I whisper to the rain my longing
for you darling so you know what I’m feeling

To infinity, you’ll be my greatest reverie
the one I look forward to daily
so please do not doubt my feelings for you
because forever and ever my love will remain true