When you hear her name
I could see the color of your eyes changed
I could see your smile faded quickly,
And your laugh were silenced in a second

When you see her
I could still see how you would lost your breath,
I could still see how you would stop holding my hand,
And your body shaken did not know what to do

But I know
I know you have been hurt
I know you were still with her even if you were with me
And in the nights you were hoping for her to call you back

I know
You would walk away from me if she asked you
You would hurt me if she wanted you
I was no one, no one but a temporary shelter

Your body left your mind in her, and who am I to take them away from her
Maybe your physical realm is here, but you are still with her
I was foolish to even try to compete with her, hoping that I would win you
When in fact, there was no competition

*She has won you

Since you kissed me I have lost everything to you. Those scarlet lips was carved beautifully; your brown eyes and its exquisite complexion captivates me; and your voice lit up something inside me

I am astonished by your beauty, like an art
Everything that you say inspires me, like a spell
I want all of you only for myself, like an egoist

I wonder if my eyes are too naïve sometimes
You kept saying that you are not good enough; you are not pretty, and you are not just the way I see you.
You know I am just happy to see you—feel insecure
With that I could have you
All for my self

Do you love me?

Those four words were once so hard to say with sanity. As if my mother tongue forbade me to know how it meant once. I have sat all day in the empty spaces of us; trying to find an answer without verbalizing it

So I slept on it; I waited on it; I walked on it; I dreamed about it; I accepted it;
And I meant it

And I realized; why should I ask him? Because if he loves me he would tell me. *Maybe he is not the type of guy who wander around and saying I love you—a shy one, perhaps—my mind stops thinking.

Or
He simply does—not love me?

He stared at me in a long pause and kissed me at 2 a. m
‘Do you like me?’ I asked
He stopped and bit my lip; he was not quite there yet  
Loud and clear, I have found my answer in his silence

*It's not even a hard question ******* it!

What if I tell you that I don’t need to go back?
Since
I have found my home in your presence

What if I tell you?
That It is you,
Where I belong to?

You are
The only place where residing feels like reincarnating
And I could never be a wanderer nor a stranger in you
—hence I surrender my heart to be left in you

*If I tell you so, would you stay?

When you came, he was not expecting you. Not even once it crossed his mind. “Don’t” He said to the mirror. You knew he was staring at you from distance and maybe it was enough or maybe it was not, but who knew?

You should have not given him any sign—whatsoever, if you would not stay, if you were only to make him suffered.
He was bath in fantasies yet fearing that he had no chance. Though you encouraged him to dive free into your world, without knowing how to swim?

You were not kind, but he preached you. To him, you were something that only existed in dream. His id and ego clashed like lightning and thunder. In war, fight or fly?

You might not be crazy about him. But he was. And maybe, he is still insane. Even, after all the torment and miseries you gave away for him.

I know for sure what he feels, or maybe I don’t.
*I am afraid I was him; maybe I, still, am him.

Your eyes meet mine;
Your lips kiss mine;
Your breath breathes mine;
Your hand holds mine;
Your love loves mine;
Your words rhyme mine;
Your shadow mimics mine;
It feels like everything that is yours is mine

Mine,
This is a crazy thing, a crazy ups and downs
An emotional roller coaster, bents and breaks
There is an urge inside my chest—screaming
Because it carves your name for the very first time
It feels like everything that is mine is no longer mine—but yours.