mind, taste sleep one last time
bitter chest and burning ribs
break your fingers tearing yourself open
one last time: let them drown you
bitter chest find bright wonder

tough years, broken people,
wrong friends with hate in their hands;
love them harder than you loathe yourself
remember what it felt like
the beautiful things left behind

eyes, look your last
time will show you the sickbed
where warm love points to the sky
asking for gods as her hands
lie clasped, cold and hardening

a good mind turned dark,
these chapped lips purse
and you kiss his body one last time
and when it rains, you swear
it rains blood—no more better days

heart once locked inside breaks free
seek out the white light
mind, taste sleep one last time
eyes, look your last
the beautiful things left behind

And now, now it's time
To get over you a second time
And it always takes so long
But if you asked, I'd say I'm fine
It's a lie but one day it'll be true
The only person I can lie to is you
Trust isn't something I can do
Promise I don't lie about important things
The lies I tell are only about my feelings
I know how I feel is insignificant
Whether or not people tell me different
You'll never ask, though, so I'll never lie
This time it's me not saying goodbye

you know that option for signing yourself off in a card
not simply 'love' or even 'lots of love'
the one with the deeper meaning
the more you think about it
the more it becomes

yours truly
these two words put together have different intentions
there's the 'yours truly' that serves a kind, platonic message
there's the 'yours truly' that's meant for business, formal and mandatory
but the one this poem happens to be about
is the one you write when you want that person to know
.... well, wouldn't that be telling?

it's a game of interpretation
dependent on dynamic
not only in the world of cards
but in life, in literature, in love

see i've had 18 years to ponder this
and, you see, the phrase 'yours truly'
always reminds me, somehow, of pride & prejudice
another 'most ardently'
it's one of those phrases
that isn't just a phrase
it's a message
an intention

i have never been 'yours truly'
not until i met you
in a world where intimacy = romance
there's you and i
more than family
in words not yet discovered
not yet in the dictionary
i could describe us
but that time has not yet come
and i reckon i'll never find the right words
i doubt i could even find the wrong ones

nothing has ever really come close
nothing but yours truly
because you see
that's the truth of it, brother
i am truly yours
and i know what you're thinking
this sounds like a love poem
and you'd be right
it's just not a romantic one

i am yours, truly
truly yours
yours truly
in any way you arrange these two words
it's perfectly describing you and i
yours - because i belong to and with you in a way i never have with anyone else
truly - because i couldn't think of a greater truth

yours truly meaning;
a walking, talking anchor, a source of comfort
a however long phone call, a casual distraction in the form of a chat
a sentinel at your side, whether physically or not, i'm with you
a sister, a brother, a substitute for all and any family you might need
a warm, breathing reminder that you are not a **** up, because here i remain
a portable, perfectly willing cushion, a simple solution to touch starvation
a buddy for those long nights where sleep escapes the both of us, a comrade in insomnia
a single, everstanding, ever dilligent and passionate reason to continue living, another life you have saved
a fellow adventurer, a fan of not just the things you love but the things you love and owe your happiness to
a stubborn loyalty, a fierce, angry, vengeful power that will never dim and never die out, a companion in the worst of times
a reason you can rest your weary body at the end of every day and every night without fear of the nightmares or abandonment

so george
this is a shambles
a rambling mess
but the point has always been
that i
am
yours truly,

alistair.

when we die
our lifeline amounts
to nothing more
than a straight line

but when we're alive
our line spikes and flies

so knowing this
doesn't it make so much sense
that we feel most alive
when riding rollercoasters
and soaring through the skies?

when we sleep
are we in actuality
rehearsing our death?

imitating that solitary line
or following that erratic pulse
that stand to prove our mortality

a small fascination
with two lines
and simple parallels.

oh, you
you're shades of blue
the calm of a daily sky
the depths of the vast ocean
the ice that shrouds your being
but i have more than examples
you're blue because you're sad
and there's a reason
that a child will always choose
a blue crayon over the rest
when asked to depict sorrow

you're blue because you're apathy
sometimes you seem to care less
about those closest to you
than those you haven't even met
i really hate to say it
but on regretful occasion
you seem more selfish
than simply apathetic

oh, and you
you're shades of red
the tenderness of amore
the flash of thunderous anger
the trickle of blood from a vein
as always, there are more than examples
you're red because you're intense
and i don't know how to shake you
how to make you
realise what you're doing to me
there's a reason
red depicts the strongest feelings

as for you?
you're a bright, strobe like
sickly and arrogant
y e l l o w

because you're annoying.

there's a boy
and every inch
every aspect of this boy
is another line in a poem

he dons himself in jumpers of blue
and baggy
hair shaggy though short, short
enough

and a strip of black
it permeates the flesh
and the chapped hue of his lip
and he dips
through doorways
or for the sake of hugs
sometimes you'll see a tug
at his sweater weather sweater
though, really
how could there be
more to cover by jumpers

there's a boy
who embraces from behind
takes time to rewind
and he's such a nice boy
but when he loops a long arm
around your shoulders
and across your chest
and you feel the slight grace
of the boy's chin

you feel the sun expand
but somehow it seems
a modern myth is one sun
when one expands
within you
and yet the other
it's at your back

there's a boy
whose jumpers are more than colour
the wool and it's hue
are statements of mind
and mood
and the boy is sad

but, my god
it's so beautiful
when the boy smiles

vacancy, let me in
i'm drowning in the holes you filled
vacancy, let me in
the sunset doesn't warm my skin

ocean sky, motel room five
my car's banged up, parked in the drive
she's a little rusty but she's still a sweet ride
come jump in the passenger side
one for just tonight, for old time's sake
i miss you so much it's impossible to take
a poem once taught me what it's like to be heartbroken
ne'er reall' believed it 'til those little words were spoken

are you smiling at the sunrise
the way you did with me?
does he drown in your eyes
instead of looking at the sea?

vacancy, let me in
i'm drowning in the holes you filled
vanacy, let me in
the sunset doesn't warm my skin
my hands are cold without yours to hold
suddenly i'm colourblind without you in my world
there's so little beauty without you here to smile
please just let me stay for a little while
vacancy, let me in
vacancy, let me in

autumn leaves fall, but i don't jump in the piles
doesn't cross my mind;  i'm thinkin' 'bout the miles
the miles between you and me
i'm the blade of grass at the bottom of your tree
your roots are buried deep, deep in my heart
as you reach into the clouds like a work of art
maybe i'd be jealous if you didn't look so good
but i'm just staring at the leaves thinking, "would've, should've, could"

is he smiling at the sunrise
the way i did with you?
are you looking at the sea
feeling his eyes on you?

vacancy, let me in
i'm drowning in the holes you filled
vanacy, let me in
the sunset doesn't warm my skin
my hands are cold without yours to hold
suddenly i'm colourblind without you in my world
i promise if you'd let me, by your side i'd grow old
just a look from you and i'm weak, i fold
vacancy, let me in
vacancy, let me in

vacancy, let me in
i'm drowning in the holes you filled
vacancy, let me in
the sunset doesn't warm my skin