Loving you was my self harm,
your words like a blade upon my skin,
making marks on my memories,
and tearing me apart by each cut.

So I became addicted to the high
but now with you gone,
I recreate the memories on my wrist-
but its not the same self-inflicted.

And I lied that day,
I said I did not love you,
but loving you was killing me
and losing you is my recovery.

How can one be so carelessly cruel?
To run around a field, picking flower after flower-
not seeing the weeds that have grown
or the flowers you have stepped on.

And I am just a broken petal-
but when you smile at me like that again,
I can forget the bouquet that is in your hand
and let you stomp on me all day

How many friendships
I would end-
if was honest,
about the wounds
they caused me.

Subtle taunts,
and soft jabs,
created deep holes
of insecurities.

But instead,
I hold my tongue,
and bite my cheek-
because I want them to like me.

I hate you
for stealing all my firsts-
my first kiss
my first touch
for tainting all my memories

for every new person will be compared to you
and I can't just drink the memory of you away
for you will always be first
you will always have that over me

I hate you for saying you love me-
who loves someone like that?
How can I ever learn to love-
when you were my example

I don't know if I can't cry
because I don't miss you anymore
or because I'm so used to the pain
that it numbs my heart

my love for you is as leaky as a faucet,
destined to never stop-
one drop at a time
till I lose my mind

His soft touches
with warm embraces,
turnt to bruises and scars
all over her arms.

His sweet lies
full of warm sugar,
stuffed her throat with honey
till she's was gasping for air.

His rampant insecurities-
the way he made her wear them,
like a shield of armor
bore to protect him.

But most of all she misses
the way he played with her.
For now all she feels is numbness-
where once was her heart.