okay, i’ll admit that
your face is on my laptop’s background.
which is odd, i can see that,
since we both know i wish that you would just ******* disappear.
and i know that it’s not a very effective tactic, in forgetting everything that’s ever happened, and i get that.
it’s just that i get nervous when you’re not around for too long
but i know that eventually i’ll forget that
and it’ll be like
none of this ever happened and
maybe nothing will ever feel quite as tragic
as when i was so ******* ecstatic
that you found somebody and that he’s actually attractive, and bearded, and fully tatted.
and i’ll be here in this disaster city
where you’ve rarely matterred,
because i finally found a place where everyone doesn’t know you, and i'll just disappear for a while,
and i’ll be here overcoming my fear of needles while i'm at it.

Depression has me longing for the day that you walk out of my life again because atleast then i'll know why i'm hurting. Life drains me of my soul; you are pumping a desert, demanding water. I love you with everything i have. I hate the way you abuse it.

How can I get it across to you delicately that I want you to do all the ***** things to me you never told anyone, not even your Tumblr?
People say “respect your body”
I respect my body. That’s why I’m asking you to destroy it.
I can beg.
Use me to feel like a man.
You can have me any way you want.
Don’t be gentle.
Scratch me and bite me and make me scream
Bruise me and leave marks on my body.
I’ll do anything you want me to do.
Then when you’re done, you can kiss every part of me I let you destroy, put a t-shirt on my body, tuck me in, and sing me a lullaby.

You’re so beautiful when you’re praying
I have a memory of me laying
On your chest on a blanket
In a field of grass
Your eyes are closing
And I feel you throwing
Down what’s in your hands
And replacing it with me
Your brow furrows
And I remember burrowing
Into the fabric
Of your flannel shirt
You’re saying “amen”
And there’s pain then
Because the prayer is over
And I have to look away

e.s.

I was told told this was the place.  
Here you'll find your destiny.
Between these desert brown sheets.
In an effort to find who I am
I leveled myself down,
digging through the sand.
Unaware the sand was sinking,
hushing my thoughts for over thinking.
I performed the sacred desert dance,
in the name of romance.
Still searching for who I am,
digging deeper into the sand.
The faster my body moves,
the more the ground begins to ****.
My conjured romance,
Is just another ****.

Sitting with the ironic weight of my cigarette smoke resting on my shoulders.
My body filling with worse things than tar.
Your name crosses my mind like an uncontrollable twitch,
again,
and again,
and again.
Some days it becomes comforting,
like a metronome.
Until I look down and I'm marching to the beat backwards.
Into my Parliament lights I think I've floated away,
only to see my exhales spelling out that name.
I beg to be introduced to a new beginning, as I so gently kiss them.
But they only know of one.
Their ***** souls are but feathers in my lungs.