Your smile so bright,
your eyes are my light
The hazel that looks right through me

Like a puppy you will stay,
all you want to do is play
Yet you would never play me

Never so far from my mind,
never so far from behind
But I never had known you liked me

regret
regret is the most painful feeling
more painful is the regret you feel
for making her hate you
than the hate itself
regret is the moment
when you are thinking:
this is it; the things I have done
have made it come down to this moment
when I want to end everything
everything that could be
all for the mistakes of my past
all my regrets
gone in a moment
the moment that ends it all
when I will not feel regrets
of what I have done
in the past
and I won't have to be afraid
of the future
that I never knew
nor will I feel the regret I have left behind
for ending everything else
all the good that could be
all gone in 1 moment
1 lonely moment
all because you want to leave your regret behind
but you leave everything behind
and everyone
everyone is left behind
to carry the burden of your regrets
and for them to regret your last decision for you
they regret not knowing
not helping
you
what they could have done
is not have helped you not have regrets
but to move past them
so
you may lose all your regret
to make this decision
and end it
but you leave all else behind
ALL ELSE
to regret your last decision
but
if decided not
you won't regret it
and the feeling
of alleviation and relief
of numbness and comfort
combined
into your being
into your mind
is as strong of a feeling
as the regret
that started your pain
the regret
that this time you chose not to create
DO NOT let the last thing
-the last feeling-
you leave behind
on this earth
in this world
be a feeling
of regret

People steal my friendship

              and they never give anything back

                                            but they probably need it

                                                                            so I never ask

I wish I was my mother's daughter
The real one, to be sure
I wish I was the baby
To which she had birthed
I see the way she looks at me
With love, but differently
Than the love that I see
When she looks at her real baby
I wish I was my mother's daughter
The real one, to be sure

Let me choose
Let me learn
Let me lose
Let me burn
All my bridges
Let me turn
Down my own path
Paced and worn
By my own feet
Spare me your scorn
By turning to flee
From my own rash choices
Speak to me
But I won't hear your voices
This is MY time
To become who I am

si vidissent iam levis flammae desiderio et viderunt affluentiam rebus essem corruptas meos impetus et sciebat quid patientia perficere posset mihi licuit in minori mundo crudeli unquam fuit laetior anima mea

Lost but not forgotten
Is the place that I call home
People here don't understand
Why I am so alone
People here don't understand
What I have always known
Lost but not forgotten
Is the place that I call home

Silence
the   blood    rushing    in   my   ear
sitting  so   still
my   silent    heartbeat    rocks    me    gently
reminding    me   i'm   still   here
for   a   single   moment    my   mind   stills   briefly
and      focuses     on      a     single     moment     of       Silence

**** HIM

waking up next to you
the way you look at me
i can always tell when you're lying
and you know when i'm about to cry
we can finish each other's sentence
but you still surprise me every day
you know how to make me laugh
i know what you want
we want the same thing
true love

whispers flurry
all around
who said that?
don't tear me down
I see the looks
that you share
don't you know?
don't you care?
I'm tired of your judgements
I'm tired of your thoughts
I'm done with living beneath you
just because I've never fought

messy room, messy mind
beneath these pictures you will find
memories, vague but bright
they leave my eyes so full of light
they keep my eyes from losing sight
of the place I visit in my dreams at night
if I had wings I'd soar great heights
back to my home, an eager flight
but wish I may and wish I might
this cannot be, my dreams are blight

If they had seen a fierce desire for flames
and they saw that the affluence of things
was corrupted by my attack,
and I knew what patience
could be able to accomplish me,
it was permissible that my soul
was never more cruel than in the worst world

BOYFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER

-REQUIREMENTS:
-must be from 15 to 19
-must not be a hick
-must not be an *******
-must be sweet but also have a backbone
-must be able to handle crazy
-probably should be crazy
-must want something real
-must have a sense of humor
-must watch cartoons
-must be loyal
-must not be aggressive
-must want true love

                 -future gf

Dear Future Me,
      I have always looked up to you.
You make mom proud, which I've always tried to do.
You know what you want, and you know who you are.
You stand steady on ground, while you reach for the stars.
You are confident, and you love yourself.
You are honest, with you and everyone else.
You know your flaws, and you embrace them.
You know your dreams, and continue to chase them.
You make plans, then carry them out.
You set goals, and don't give into doubt.
You are friendly and kind, even to haters.
You crave commitment, and stay away from the players.
And finally,
The best version of me.

If you could say I'm pretty
Then I would say you're nice
But if you could see right through me
You'd see my ugly life
Then you wouldn't want me
It's too high of a price
For a girl you thought was pretty
And she thought you were nice
If you could have liked her simply
You would have changed her life

i hate you for not letting me save you