you can call them my veins
well, I consider them vines
when you look for what grows it is you that you'll find
my blood vessels are ships, and they sail the blood sea
carrying cargo called 'words' from your mouth to me
and my bones are the homes of each memory
they ache when you leave
but they are calm when you breathe
my skin is the sky
scars being stars
I've created this world, dear
but it's not mine
it's ours

There is something about the way you
brush
my shoulders as I stand at the sink,
crying.
Because the water is scalding my hands but I cannot move them
will not
move them because I am feeling too much I am fearing too much.
And if I focus on the hot water, if I let myself cry
then the fears won't fall from my mouth
hot
like tears.
Because I will always be afraid.
But as your hands, gentle like your words brush the tears brush the fears from my cheeks
I am okay.
I am reassured.
I love you.

More and more

each day.

Broken promises have left an emptiness in my heart
That resonates throughout my entire being
And plagues my mind with unbearable loneliness
It is a melancholic subject that my heart reminds me of
Whenever I hear that short phrase
"I promise"

"I promise I'll stop drinking"
"I promise I won't hurt you"
"I promise I'll be there for you"
"I promise I'll spend time with you"

My trust is broken and can never be the same  
Just like Humpty Dumpty
I can never be put back together again
But the pieces that remain can still become whole
Not from all the kings men
But from one man
Or even one woman

I feel that if I met someone who made a million promises
And kept them all with exceptions of course
Then my trust in them could be that of a stone
Instead of an egg

But who would want to waste that much effort
On one tiny insignificant person
I feel like Humpty after all his mourners
Went away do to the stench of his rotting flesh
That no one could bare the discomfort
That came with making me whole once more

I start to look more like her everyday

As my eyes sink further
Create black holes for under eye circles

Every cigarette I smoke creates a more defined pore

Every meal I skip

Every man I sleep with

I am becoming my enemy
I have been her all along
So alike yet so different
I don't want to give in

How tragic it is to be in such despair.
To have to pretend like I just don't care.
Sitting in bed with tears running down my face;
thoughts of suicide are in place.
I cannot see the point in fighting anymore,
I wish to heaven I could soar.
I'm nothing, worthless, a failure, a burden,
my future is very much uncertain.
I'm not brave anymore; I have no courage,
I've been broken into a million different pieces; it's caused much damage.
And who would want to save someone who doesn't wish to be saved?
When this dark monster within has me well and truly enslaved?
I think I'll go now, it's time to say goodbye,
I will make my way to Heaven now; into the blackened sky.

being with you has taken everything out of me
i feel as if my soul has been capsized into the abyss that is you
swallowing me whole
leaving nothing left for myself to enjoy
my body trembles at the thought of you
first a contentment feeling of warmth
now shards splintering into my bones and heart leaving scars the size
        of windows--
windows that you have escaped from; leaving the pain stinging just a little bit more
there is a gaping hole in my chest
and your winds are blowing straight through
leaving nothing but pieces of you for my bare and broken hands to hold on to

It’s odd sitting here with the
consistency of the toxicity
flowing through my veins,
the consecutive order is
fuelling the regularity to my brain,
every negative thought weaved
through sobriety surfaced through
every lie t

you're such a foreign concept
you're a complexity that can't be measured on a scale of one to ten
you're a paradox
you're a star yet to collapse
you're a light at the end of a tunnel

actually...

you're none of those.

you were my world.
you were a complexity
I suppose I saw through your facade in the end.