today you dropped
a bomb on me.
you asked me
if i love you.
of course my answer
was fogged by hesitation
and stuttering
making my rebuttal clear.

i wanted to tell you
but i was so scared.
scared of unreciprocation
and rejection.
scared it would be too much for you
too overwhelming
and you would want to leave again.

the truth of the matter is
i am utterly
head over heels
in love with you.
there's not a thing in my mind
that tells me otherwise.

ive imagined a life without you
and lived a short one too
i hated it
you were the only thing
on my mind
every waking moment
and every sleeping one , too.
you wouldn't leave my head.

you learn
all those beautiful love poems
you read over and over
filling you with butterflies
weren't about you.
you are not the focus
of the poets affection.
you are not the one
giving them inspiration and spark
to bleed love onto paper.

and that's when it seeps
into the deepest parts of your skin.
crushing your bones
tearing your muscle
ripping you to shreds.

let me be
your cigarette

so I could
touch
your lips

let me be
your addiction

that you could never
try
to quit

they say a broken heart
is a void
that needs to be refilled
in order to be repaired.
but darling ,
my broken heart isn't the void.
the void
is the space you occupied

our yellow mornings , aubades strung in the rising light.
our crystal cerulean afternoons , the sky clearer than our minds.
our byzantine evenings , we can smell the rain from inside.
our pure black nights , drowning in the heaving weight of our day.

now they are all seconds
seconds to minutes
minutes to hours
hours to days
days that drag me through and through
because i dont have
a reason to wake up
and be sanguine
for what the day
has in store for me
like i used to.

youre the worst type of lover
to fall for.

you break hearts
before yours can be broken
because its less painful
to hurt others
than it is to be hurt.

you are saving yourself
from the torturous nights
and bone shattering mornings
going to sleep
and waking up alone.