It all started with a memory.
Pushing its way from the depths of my mind.
Submerging into a thought...
The thought causing my stomach to scream every time I walked past her.
My emo blue haired friend.
Well used to be a friend.
At one point even a little more.
The thought slowly but surely turned into a tear.  
Then a storm.
The rain kept falling my mind clouding up completely.
I hurt my girlfriend to much.
It's all unintentional but it's there.
Anyways the storm turned into a lightning strike.
The lightning taking the shape of a silver blade.
The blade I had sworn to put away.
The blade I had hidden ever so well just invade and emergency came about.
I thought this to be an emergency.
So the lightning struck leaving a thick river flowing down my hand and arm.
A river of red warm regret.
Blood.
I liked watching my own blood make it's way down my arm.
It gave me a sense of peace.
Peace knowing I'm so lost that I rely on self mutilation to get through the day.
Everyone has their choice of destruction...
some choose drugs.
Acholol.
Then there's me and I choose isolation and pain.
Being alone is my worst fear and my number one weakness.
When I'm alone I can act recklessly with no one to stop me.
Not that anyone cares anyways.
That's all I want.
Someone to stop me and hug me and tell me it'll be alright. Still I remain alone.
Sleepless nights...
no lights... this is my life now.
The tears leaving my pillow wet and the river flowing thickly from my arms.
This is my life now.

Keeping me awake at night
Tossing, turning, gears churning
Funerals filled with tears
Swimming pools of sorrow
Caskets carried away in the current
What would happen when I'm gone
Who will my kids become
Who will she marry after I'm gone
Does this life really end
Do I time travel every time I close my eyes
Will I open them come first light
Or will that dark void finally devour my soul
Did I ever exist when tomorrow comes
Guess thats my question
Is it the seconds before me I fear
Or the moments that I'll never enjoy
Scare me the most
Everything fades but why does it hurt so bad

On the 7 ways to make your partner fall in love with you list one stuck out in my mind. "Stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without saying a word," it read. So here I sit, staring into the eyes of my reflection in the mirror hoping that maybe if I am able to stare long enough I will begin to love myself. I'll notice my favorite attributes and learn to love my flaws. However, within 30 seconds of locked eyes, my vision was blurred as I began to sob. Within those 30 seconds I came to the realization that I do not love myself and I'm finding it hard to believe that I ever will.

Random memories of old times
resurface, like broken images
a family dinner, vastly spread garden,
a chat with my mom at kitchen table,
or just a day in school

These reminisces are fulfilling in itself
yet one feels an ache
of how you once existed in that time
and yet it doesn't seem to be real

I remember my mother getting ready
and how I used to watch her
wishing her not to go, for I would be alone again
oh the love I feel for her, haven't felt for anyone else

And through time
I have grown fond of those memories
wondering why, at the time
it din't seem so beautiful

These flashbacks of milliosns of tiny moments
are made up of all feelings we once felt
It is like stardust, with each particle a picture
we accumulate and blow it away
once the show is over.

I shall not choke on Mr. Trump's words.
As, for me, they are too hard to swallow.
So I lend my voice to the growing chorus:
"This is no man I can follow."

I accept that he won but we have all lost,
With a tally that grows day by day.
But how shall we score at the end of the term?
And what will our folly have cost?

(C) K. Hicks, 2017

Disclaimer:

These are my private opinions.
Feel more than free to disagree.
They've made Life better
For me.

Eat breakfast.
One half hour less of sleep in the
Morning will keep you
Steady and strong until lunch.
It'll be worth it.
Oatmeal packs a good punch.

Don't mention how little
You've slept to anyone.
Unless you operate dangerous
Machinery or rely on being
Rested for the safety of
Yourself or others, no one
Will care.

Map the different nationalities
At your workplace.
Learn these phrases in their
Respective languages:
Hello.
Great work.
Watch out!
Making someone feel welcome at
Work is a gift worth giving.
Bridges build
Friendships. Friendships alone
Make a life worth living.

Spend some money on a
Special water bottle.
It'll inspire you to drink from it.
Drink enough to keep hydrated;
Not so much that your
Breaks interfere with your
Obligations.
Don't challenge your rights,
Or your boss' patience.

Leave the toilet looking a little
Nicer than it was.
Pick up that piece of paper.
Wipe the soap from the sink.
Aim carefully.
Others will follow your example.
Ask for hand disinfectant.
Use it.

If you feel overwhelmed by
Stress, or have personal matters
Occupying your thoughts,
Take a toilet break.
It is one of the best places on Earth to
Clear your head. Take only
The time that
You need.
Even brilliant minds have  
To act to succeed.

Enough on toilets.

Fall in love with a colleague.
Don't ever follow up on it.
Pick a favourite secretary or
Cleaning lady, janitor or
Security guard, etc.
That warm sensation in your chest
When you see them, might just
Make a bad day better.
Theirs too, when you
Smile their way.
Just remember:
Harassment is for the weak and
Insecure; a little attention never
Hurt anyone,
But don't push for more.
Keep it innocent.
Keep it pure.  

Find your least favourite co-
Worker. Make friends.
Start rehearsing that 'old buddy'-
Feeling when you see them.
Say hello. Smile.
You'll be in for a surprise in most
Cases. Trust me, you will find
Golden graces. You'll get to love
Them; you'll look for their faces.

Turn to your seniors.
They are a tremendous resource.
They deserve to be needed.
They deserve your respect.
They know how to repair more
Than we ever will.
They know what it's like
To be younger than them.
They'll have time for your
Questions,
But none to ****.

Quit smoking. Together.
Go for a coffee break.
Go for a fruit break.
Go for a water break.
Together.
Pat each other on the shoulder
With every smoke you don't have.
Take the stairs. You'll feel so well. 
Quit in pairs.
Not in a shell.

Put up humouristic posters,
Tell jokes, make
Friendly fun of each other.
Anything that provokes laughter.
Time will fly. Bonds grow stronger.
You'll look forward to work. You'll
Live happier; longer.

Do more than just enough.
You'll feel so much better about
Your skills. And others about you.
Any job is worth that little extra.
Few are worth doing twice.
Judge your efforts through
Your own eyes.

Be poetry. Don't just write it.
You'll need less ink and paper.
The art will live forever.
You'll be thankful for more.
You'll think higher of yourself.
You'll see the world around you
As the beautiful place it can be.
Be the poet and the poem.

You'll never feel depressed.
You will never be alone.
You'll be the single richest person
That you have ever known.

the covers wore smooth
like the sound of your name
and the binding cracks
open as our aging skin, dry
as the ink kept
on the pages within

write 10 negative things about yourself
1. I'm ugly
2. I am FAT
3. I self harm
4. I'm my own bully
5. I'm not smart
6. Every day I think of a way to **** myself
7. I don't like emotions
8. People bully me
9. I've been molested...multiple times
10. My demons are my my angels

Close the borders,
Do not let them in.
They might **** us all,
Those foreign families of sin.

Strip away their rights,
Put a gun under their chin.
Base our civil law,
On the color of their skin.

Go ahead and touch them,
After all, they didn’t say no.
The courts won’t do a thing,
But laugh and let you go.

Women have no say at all,
Their bodies aren’t their own.
We don’t care if you were *****,
Pro-life we loudly condone.

This is our society now,
Ignorance pollutes the air.
Respect for all human beings,
Disappeared without a care.

I admit these times are scary,
And some hope may now be lost.
But he won't get away with this,
Not at any miniscule cost.

So please, I beg you, do not fear,
The battle now begins.
You will lose Donald J. Trump,
And LOVE will always win.